I'm currently trying to plan SB's second birthday party. We just put together a guest list, and we figured out that we need to invite a minimum of 53 people, so as not to offend any of our friends. These are all people that we regularly socialize with, who have kids SB's age. They all routinely invite us to their kids parties, their houses for dinner, out, to the park, etc., etc. Argh.
For her first birthday, we threw a small party at a museum. We played, we had lunch, my mom came, there was cake, and it was fun and reasonably priced. It was a small group of our closest friends, and it was perfect. I am struggling to find something reasonable to do with 53 people. Of course they won't all come; all of them travel quite a bit for work and/or fun, and people always have other obligations. But still. . .huge group.
Our apartment is spacious, but not so spacious that I can host 23 children under the age of five. Nor do I really want to. We could just do a family party, but my mother in law and her husband will be here for the birthday, and that just sounds boring. . .no other kids. My office has some outdoor space that I could use, but that really means that we could only invite friends from work, because it's too complicated to get non-work friends through the layers of security that invariably exist in offices here. I looked at other options, but with a group that large, we are talking a minimum of $500, and. . .no. I just won't. She's two years old. TWO!!!
But that's what everyone here does. They spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on these big, crazy birthday parties. There are a million options, and they aren't really that expensive, if you only invite, say 10 kids. But invite 23 kids and 30 adults (i.e., the parents of said children), and suddenly. . .wowza.
Oh, and because I am so behind, her birthday is next weekend, so I really need to get it planned. Luckily, people here think it is totally normal to do invites immediately before the birthday. Only my American friends will think my lack of planning is bad. Now if only I could decide on what to do.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Bits and Bobs
We have family visiting this week. . .T's niece and her husband. We tried to pack in as many activities as we could over the weekend, while I was off from work. We have more family coming, and a trip planned for this spring, so I didn't want to take time off while they were here, which led to an action-packed three days
On Saturday, we drove them out into the country on winding mountain roads that afforded sweeping vistas of the surrounding mountains. It was a really beautiful, but long, ride. Driving here reminds me of driving in northern New England. . .and back roads make for slow going. It's a nice ride, but a journey. Our destination was a historic site, and it didn't disappoint. We hiked up a mountain to the site, passing native fauna on the way (check out the tiny orchid, no bigger than my pinkie nail!).
An indigenous guide showed us around the spot and gave a great tour. The views were beautiful, which was a good thing, because at over 10, 000 feet, we needed to stop frequently to breathe.
(I have no idea why that giant photo is there. . .I've tried deleting it in my draft, but it's still there!) Then on the way back, we stopped at a local can't-be-missed restaurant for some great food and entertainment. This country welcomes families like no other I've ever been in. Loads of restaurants have highly developed entertainment areas for children. This one was no exception: rock climbing, sand pit, slide, soccer pitch, walking on stilts, face painting, carpentry, music jam sessions, roving bands of entertainers in costume. . .all inside the restaurant. And I am not exaggerating one bit. Miss M was a bit put out when she discovered she wasn't tall enough to rock climb. As a side note, she is measuring only 39 inches, and I keep telling her she better eat her veggies if she wants to hit that 40 inch mark before our spring trip to Disney. Thus far, despite her deep love of roller coasters, it is not proving to be a winning argument. :)
Then on Sunday we took them to a local artisanal street market. It's excellent eating, people watching, and shopping, and one of my favorite ways to spend a Sunday morning. We walked the 2-ish miles there. I forget that not everyone walks and hikes like we do. By the end of the day, we'd walked more than five miles, and our poor guests were exhausted. We took them out to play a local sport that night, though. . . which pretty much killed any chance of the waterfall and cloud forest hike we'd planned for Monday. We ended up having to stay local, but it was still fun to show them around our neighborhood.
The girls are doing well. A stomach bug has gone through all of us (again), and this one came with a fever and chills, which I thought was weird. The girls just had terrible stomach aches and high fevers, but never actually got sick. I wasn't quite so lucky. But overall, I've been feeling better. The pain in my side has finally gone away. It's been gone for a few weeks. It came back for a few days, but has now gone away again. I can't figure out what caused it, or what made it go away, but I am grateful that it's gone.
And as for my list of things to do. . .well, I'm making a bit of progress, although not as much as I'd like. The taxes are done and filed, but I haven't yet started on the books I want to make, for example. I have to get my act together. With so little free time each day, it's hard. I just have to keep in mind that the journey of a thousand steps begins with just one.
On Saturday, we drove them out into the country on winding mountain roads that afforded sweeping vistas of the surrounding mountains. It was a really beautiful, but long, ride. Driving here reminds me of driving in northern New England. . .and back roads make for slow going. It's a nice ride, but a journey. Our destination was a historic site, and it didn't disappoint. We hiked up a mountain to the site, passing native fauna on the way (check out the tiny orchid, no bigger than my pinkie nail!).
An indigenous guide showed us around the spot and gave a great tour. The views were beautiful, which was a good thing, because at over 10, 000 feet, we needed to stop frequently to breathe.
(I have no idea why that giant photo is there. . .I've tried deleting it in my draft, but it's still there!) Then on the way back, we stopped at a local can't-be-missed restaurant for some great food and entertainment. This country welcomes families like no other I've ever been in. Loads of restaurants have highly developed entertainment areas for children. This one was no exception: rock climbing, sand pit, slide, soccer pitch, walking on stilts, face painting, carpentry, music jam sessions, roving bands of entertainers in costume. . .all inside the restaurant. And I am not exaggerating one bit. Miss M was a bit put out when she discovered she wasn't tall enough to rock climb. As a side note, she is measuring only 39 inches, and I keep telling her she better eat her veggies if she wants to hit that 40 inch mark before our spring trip to Disney. Thus far, despite her deep love of roller coasters, it is not proving to be a winning argument. :)
Then on Sunday we took them to a local artisanal street market. It's excellent eating, people watching, and shopping, and one of my favorite ways to spend a Sunday morning. We walked the 2-ish miles there. I forget that not everyone walks and hikes like we do. By the end of the day, we'd walked more than five miles, and our poor guests were exhausted. We took them out to play a local sport that night, though. . . which pretty much killed any chance of the waterfall and cloud forest hike we'd planned for Monday. We ended up having to stay local, but it was still fun to show them around our neighborhood.
The girls are doing well. A stomach bug has gone through all of us (again), and this one came with a fever and chills, which I thought was weird. The girls just had terrible stomach aches and high fevers, but never actually got sick. I wasn't quite so lucky. But overall, I've been feeling better. The pain in my side has finally gone away. It's been gone for a few weeks. It came back for a few days, but has now gone away again. I can't figure out what caused it, or what made it go away, but I am grateful that it's gone.
And as for my list of things to do. . .well, I'm making a bit of progress, although not as much as I'd like. The taxes are done and filed, but I haven't yet started on the books I want to make, for example. I have to get my act together. With so little free time each day, it's hard. I just have to keep in mind that the journey of a thousand steps begins with just one.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
SB at 23 Months
My dearest little SB,
How is it even possible that you are almost two years old? It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with you. How the time flies by!
And you are such a joy. Your vocabulary has long been huge, but the explosion into full on sentences is just amazing. For more than a month now, you have been capable of full conversations. You tell me things in complete sentences, in perfect English. . .and sometimes with a bit of Spanish thrown in. "I want to get down," you told me this morning, as you sat in your high chair. "I want to jugar." (Which means, "to play."). You are charming, smiley, mischievous, and full of energy. You are also so much FUN! You love to laugh, and you love to make others laugh. You love to say "that's so silly" and then giggle.
At night, you get to pick out a book (or two, or three) to read. You never want me to stop, and I often indulge you in another. Your sister likes me to tell her stories off the top of my head, but you love to pull books off the shelf and look at the pictures.
You are still sleeping in your crib. You can get out, but you've stopped trying. For a few days a month or so ago, you got out every time we put you in, but you seem to have decided that it's too much work. Now, when you want to get out, you yell for us. If we don't come immediately, you yell a bit more, and then cry. It breaks my heart to hear you cry. . .you must have snuggles IMMEDIATELY upon waking up, or you get so sad. And then, once up, you immediately want breakfast. "Come!" you'll say, as you grab my hand.
You eat all sorts of foods, including vegetables. Your favorites, however, are fruits of all sort. You are deeply in love with mandarin oranges right now, and I can barely keep enough of them on hand. You also love pineapple and strawberries, but they give you a terrible diaper rash. It looks just like a chemical burn. I have to ration your pineapple intake so that it doesn't happen. You also love grapes, and the little tiny bananas that they grow here, which are sweeter than regular bananas. Oh, and blueberries are one of your most favorite fruits ever.
You and your sister have a symbiotic relationship when it comes to eating pizza and toast. You prefer the crust; she prefers the middle. The two of you trade off. I think it must be because you are teething, and the crusts feel better to you. Whatever the reason, it cracks me up to see her handing you her crusts, and you ignoring the cheesy parts of the pizza for them.
You have just about all of your teeth. The last of your molars and the incisors seem to have popped through this month. You've been drooling like crazy, and chewing on everything in sight. We just realized that the crib is a bit worse for wear. . .clearly you've been gnawing on it at times that we didn't even know that you were awake and standing up!
You love the iPad. In fact, you are deeply obsessed with it, and ask me to use it all the time. We recently flew to the U.S., and used it then to keep you entertained, and ever since then, you adore it. There are a ton of children's games on it, most of them in Spanish, and you just think they are a blast. It cracks me up to watch you, and sometimes I relent and let you use it. It's a good thing your grandmother bought you your very own Leap.pad for your birthday. You are going to be thrilled--although, less so when you discover how much we will limit your screen time!
You love to run around the park, and especially love to try to get in the many ponds and little streams that are there. If there is something to get into and to get messy with, you are in it in a flash. It might be because you also love to take baths. You ask to take a bath constantly, and scream when we take you out.
We are also delighted that you have already shown an interest in using the potty. You frequently ask to use it, and often really have to go. Unfortunately, those two things aren't neatly happening at the same time, but we'll get there. The other day, I let you use it, but thought you were messing around and I didn't make you sit on it for long. You stood up and peed on the floor. Oops!
You adore your sister. Now that she has started school, you ask for her all day long. You play wonderfully together, and then fight terribly. You are unbelievably close, but neither of you gives the other an inch. You give as good as you get. You are equals--no "little sister" stuff for you! I love that you are fierce and loyal and independent even at your young age. The two of you stick up for each other, too. It is awesome.
When someone takes something from you that you wanted, like a piece of food or a toy, you yell "Hey!" in the most indignant way. I have no idea where you learned it from--probably your sister. It's pretty funny, and I love it, even as I know I need to sometimes reign you in.
You are in 2T clothing now, although it is a bit big. You are a skinny child, probably because you mostly want to eat fruit. You aren't very picky about your clothing (yet), thankfully. You proudly wear things you know we think are cute. You sometimes will allow us to pull your mop of curls back from your eyes with a barrette, but often you tear it out. Your hair is long enough now for two cute short ponytails on either side of your head, and you are just ADORABLE with them.
You love to talk on the telephone, and will sometimes demand to call your grandmother. You insist on holding the phone, and run away from everyone with it. However, you just sit and listen with it up to your ear, and rarely say anything. You yell and scream when we try to take it away from you.
You also throw temper tantrums, which is a first in our house. It can be over something big or something little, but you throw yourself on the ground and wail and thrash. We are a bit bemused by this behavior, I admit, and we have no idea where it came from. We simply ignore it, and hope that it will pass. Secretly, I am a bit amused by your commitment sometimes, and the strength of your emotions. But I'm not giving you an inch--I don't want you to think that is an appropriate way to behave, because it most certainly is not.
But overall, you have a sunny, delightful demeanor, and I really treasure every moment with you. You and Miss M are so alike, and yet so different. You are both smart and outspoken and active and engaged. And yet your personalities are totally unique. I love that about you girls, and feel like I am the luckiest mother in the world. I am so lucky to be your mother, and enjoy our time together so much. I can't wait to see what this next month brings, and see all of the ways you change and learn and grow.
Love always,
Mom
How is it even possible that you are almost two years old? It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with you. How the time flies by!
And you are such a joy. Your vocabulary has long been huge, but the explosion into full on sentences is just amazing. For more than a month now, you have been capable of full conversations. You tell me things in complete sentences, in perfect English. . .and sometimes with a bit of Spanish thrown in. "I want to get down," you told me this morning, as you sat in your high chair. "I want to jugar." (Which means, "to play."). You are charming, smiley, mischievous, and full of energy. You are also so much FUN! You love to laugh, and you love to make others laugh. You love to say "that's so silly" and then giggle.
At night, you get to pick out a book (or two, or three) to read. You never want me to stop, and I often indulge you in another. Your sister likes me to tell her stories off the top of my head, but you love to pull books off the shelf and look at the pictures.
You are still sleeping in your crib. You can get out, but you've stopped trying. For a few days a month or so ago, you got out every time we put you in, but you seem to have decided that it's too much work. Now, when you want to get out, you yell for us. If we don't come immediately, you yell a bit more, and then cry. It breaks my heart to hear you cry. . .you must have snuggles IMMEDIATELY upon waking up, or you get so sad. And then, once up, you immediately want breakfast. "Come!" you'll say, as you grab my hand.
You eat all sorts of foods, including vegetables. Your favorites, however, are fruits of all sort. You are deeply in love with mandarin oranges right now, and I can barely keep enough of them on hand. You also love pineapple and strawberries, but they give you a terrible diaper rash. It looks just like a chemical burn. I have to ration your pineapple intake so that it doesn't happen. You also love grapes, and the little tiny bananas that they grow here, which are sweeter than regular bananas. Oh, and blueberries are one of your most favorite fruits ever.
You and your sister have a symbiotic relationship when it comes to eating pizza and toast. You prefer the crust; she prefers the middle. The two of you trade off. I think it must be because you are teething, and the crusts feel better to you. Whatever the reason, it cracks me up to see her handing you her crusts, and you ignoring the cheesy parts of the pizza for them.
You have just about all of your teeth. The last of your molars and the incisors seem to have popped through this month. You've been drooling like crazy, and chewing on everything in sight. We just realized that the crib is a bit worse for wear. . .clearly you've been gnawing on it at times that we didn't even know that you were awake and standing up!
You love the iPad. In fact, you are deeply obsessed with it, and ask me to use it all the time. We recently flew to the U.S., and used it then to keep you entertained, and ever since then, you adore it. There are a ton of children's games on it, most of them in Spanish, and you just think they are a blast. It cracks me up to watch you, and sometimes I relent and let you use it. It's a good thing your grandmother bought you your very own Leap.pad for your birthday. You are going to be thrilled--although, less so when you discover how much we will limit your screen time!
You love to run around the park, and especially love to try to get in the many ponds and little streams that are there. If there is something to get into and to get messy with, you are in it in a flash. It might be because you also love to take baths. You ask to take a bath constantly, and scream when we take you out.
We are also delighted that you have already shown an interest in using the potty. You frequently ask to use it, and often really have to go. Unfortunately, those two things aren't neatly happening at the same time, but we'll get there. The other day, I let you use it, but thought you were messing around and I didn't make you sit on it for long. You stood up and peed on the floor. Oops!
You adore your sister. Now that she has started school, you ask for her all day long. You play wonderfully together, and then fight terribly. You are unbelievably close, but neither of you gives the other an inch. You give as good as you get. You are equals--no "little sister" stuff for you! I love that you are fierce and loyal and independent even at your young age. The two of you stick up for each other, too. It is awesome.
When someone takes something from you that you wanted, like a piece of food or a toy, you yell "Hey!" in the most indignant way. I have no idea where you learned it from--probably your sister. It's pretty funny, and I love it, even as I know I need to sometimes reign you in.
You are in 2T clothing now, although it is a bit big. You are a skinny child, probably because you mostly want to eat fruit. You aren't very picky about your clothing (yet), thankfully. You proudly wear things you know we think are cute. You sometimes will allow us to pull your mop of curls back from your eyes with a barrette, but often you tear it out. Your hair is long enough now for two cute short ponytails on either side of your head, and you are just ADORABLE with them.
You love to talk on the telephone, and will sometimes demand to call your grandmother. You insist on holding the phone, and run away from everyone with it. However, you just sit and listen with it up to your ear, and rarely say anything. You yell and scream when we try to take it away from you.
You also throw temper tantrums, which is a first in our house. It can be over something big or something little, but you throw yourself on the ground and wail and thrash. We are a bit bemused by this behavior, I admit, and we have no idea where it came from. We simply ignore it, and hope that it will pass. Secretly, I am a bit amused by your commitment sometimes, and the strength of your emotions. But I'm not giving you an inch--I don't want you to think that is an appropriate way to behave, because it most certainly is not.
But overall, you have a sunny, delightful demeanor, and I really treasure every moment with you. You and Miss M are so alike, and yet so different. You are both smart and outspoken and active and engaged. And yet your personalities are totally unique. I love that about you girls, and feel like I am the luckiest mother in the world. I am so lucky to be your mother, and enjoy our time together so much. I can't wait to see what this next month brings, and see all of the ways you change and learn and grow.
Love always,
Mom
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Word for 2014: Wellness
Another blogger, Joys In My Life chooses a word to represent the year that lies ahead. I love the idea, but have never gotten around to come up with one. A few days ago, the word "Wellness" just popped into my head as the perfect word for me for 2014.
Right now I am focusing on just healing and trying to feel good. My surgical wounds are healing well, although I'm a bit impatient. I'm almost five weeks out from my surgery, and feel like I SHOULD be healed, but I'm not quite. I have been really, really good about not picking up the girls and not doing other things I'm not supposed to do. However, today I did something I should not have. We visited a park that has an awesome treehouse/slide thing, and it looked a bit too grown up for Miss M, so I went down it with her. It was one of those all-enclosed tube kind of slides, and it went FAST. I mean, really, really FAST, and it had corners. My main incision site is super sore tonight, and there is a lump. I'm hoping it's just a bit swollen, and I didn't actually tear anything. Stupid, stupid, STUPID of me!
I also still have the pain in my side that caused me to go to the doctor in the first place. My surgeon doesn't think it's related to the tumor they discovered; that was just an incidental finding (and thank goodness for that!). He did exploratory surgery while removing the tumor, and found nothing, and recommended that I give myself two months to see if it resolves, before diving into more tests/treatment. My primary care doctor is on board with that, because all of my blood tests and my CT scan were also otherwise normal. But the pain is annoying, and worrying to me. So, I'm throwing myself into trying to make it better. I've been using the hot water bottle constantly, which seems to help. I got a massage yesterday, which was a little weird. The woman came to my house, and it was certainly affordable (about $27 for over an hour). But it was very, very thorough--hands, feet, neck, head, face, butt--literally my entire body, and not quite what I was expecting (not much focus on my back/side, which I told her was the problem). She was nice enough. Maybe it was just weird because it was in my house, and not in some spa. But anyway, it didn't really help.
I also got a manicure this week. . .in a truck. Yes, you read that right. A friend arranged a surprise for me. A woman pulled up in a box truck in front of our house, and I got in, and the back was all set up like a spa, and I got a manicure in the back of the truck. You truly can get ANYTHING delivered in this city.
For super relaxing sleep, I bought myself some freesia yesterday, and put it in a vase next to our bed. My entire bedroom smells heavenly. Then I went to bed early. It would have been an amazing, peaceful, restful night, but Miss M woke up with sore feet. She got a bit of sunburn from sitting in the stroller eating ice cream. We were only out for maybe 45 minutes or so, but the sun here is SO strong. She'd been wearing socks and shoes, but got them wet and switched to Croc's. . .just that little bit of foot/leg showing above the shoes and below the pant line got burned. Poor kid! It's gone today, thankfully. I felt so bad. Of course, I slathered on the sunscreen today, and it turned out cloudy all day. Such is the weather here. . .so unpredictable!
So, next up for physical WELLNESS improvement are: restorative yoga and reiki. And, probiotics (I've also developed some sort of intestinal distress that has me running for the bathroom. . .AWESOME, I tell ya!) I would love to find an ayurvedic spa here, but so far I've had no luck. There are some treatments I've wanted to try for years, and now seems like a good time.
Also up ahead? I'm launching some new projects at work (professional WELLNESS). My current job has very manageable hours, but I'm not challenging myself at all, so I've submitted some proposals that will push me, if I get approval to do them. I had some financial wellness projects lurking, as well as some family wellness ideas. And then, I have some creative projects that I want to work on personally, which ties back into my own wellness. So yeah, WELLNESS is my word this year. Stay tuned.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Back Home
It's been a busy week: SB turned 22 months on Wednesday, I had my follow-up appointment with the surgeon and he cleared me to return home, Miss M turned 4 on Thursday (!!), I made arrangements to return home, we threw a birthday party in the great frozen north, and then we flew back home on Friday, which was an epic 16 hour adventure. It's only about 6 hours worth of flights, but between traveling to and from the airport and layovers and delays. . .yeah. . .it's been a busy week.
The surgeon believes that he removed all of the tumor, and he's "99.2% sure" that it won't come back. Honestly, I would prefer 100%, but I know there are no guarantees. I need to have a CT scan with IV and oral contrast annually for a couple of years, and then every other year after that, just to be sure. The pathology wasn't as clear as I would have liked it to have been, because the appendix apparently was about to burst when they removed it. Because it was so close to bursting, the pathologist couldn't guarantee that it hadn't leaked. But then, there are never guarantees, because they can't look at every part of it. But when examined grossly, there were no apparent leaks, and I'm just going to have to be good with that. And at a microscopic level, everything looked good--the contents of the tumor lacked the type of cells that they worry about. So, I am feeling lucky and relieved and emotionally exhausted. More on that to come, I'm sure, as I figure out how to decompress and get back to normal.
SB's language has really exploded in the last 3 weeks. She has SO MANY words and uses language SO WELL. It's really amazing. She talks in complete sentences all of the time, and I am blown away by her ability to correctly conjugate verbs. More on that to come in her 22 month post.
And Miss M. . .she is just amazing. We threw together a party at the local kid party place, because we needed to do it last minute (our travel plans were very up-in-the-air), and we needed a place where we could invite both sides of the family and wreak the least havoc. She had a blast. It wasn't the type of party I normally would have done, but it was easy and fun and the kids loved it, and it was the first time our families have been able to celebrate her birthday with her. So, it was special nonetheless. At the end, when it was time to cash in her points for playing the games and get prizes, she had a zillion points. After she had the two things she wanted, I suggested she donate her points to her cousins. She had a better idea, though, and bought them all the same toy she'd bought herself. The woman behind the counter said in all the time she's worked there, she's never seen a kid buy things for other kids with their points. It was really sweet, and made me so proud. She is an awesome kid.
We got home from the party at about 8:30, and after we put the kids to bed, it was a mad scramble to get our bags packed for our morning flight. And then yesterday, a long travel day. But, we are home, and it is wonderful to be here. It was in the 70's and sunny, and I just sat on my patio and relaxed in the sun while the girls rested after lunch. It was lovely--and much better than the minus single digit temperatures it had been up north! As we walked to the park and grocery store today, I just kept thinking how happy I was to be back, how much I like it here, and how good it feels to be home. The kids were thrilled to be in their own space with all of their toys. And tomorrow, we still have one more Christmas ahead of us. We had to leave so last-minute that everyone had already mailed their gifts here, and we didn't have time to do it before we left. So, I've told the girls that I've asked Santa to deliver their gifts tonight. It is crazy and over-the-top, because everyone who mailed us gifts also went out and bought new ones when they found out we were coming home. But, I am going to make a pot of coffee, turn on the Christmas music, and enjoy the peace and joy of the season for a bit longer. It will sort of make up for being in pain and medicated on December 25.
The surgeon believes that he removed all of the tumor, and he's "99.2% sure" that it won't come back. Honestly, I would prefer 100%, but I know there are no guarantees. I need to have a CT scan with IV and oral contrast annually for a couple of years, and then every other year after that, just to be sure. The pathology wasn't as clear as I would have liked it to have been, because the appendix apparently was about to burst when they removed it. Because it was so close to bursting, the pathologist couldn't guarantee that it hadn't leaked. But then, there are never guarantees, because they can't look at every part of it. But when examined grossly, there were no apparent leaks, and I'm just going to have to be good with that. And at a microscopic level, everything looked good--the contents of the tumor lacked the type of cells that they worry about. So, I am feeling lucky and relieved and emotionally exhausted. More on that to come, I'm sure, as I figure out how to decompress and get back to normal.
SB's language has really exploded in the last 3 weeks. She has SO MANY words and uses language SO WELL. It's really amazing. She talks in complete sentences all of the time, and I am blown away by her ability to correctly conjugate verbs. More on that to come in her 22 month post.
And Miss M. . .she is just amazing. We threw together a party at the local kid party place, because we needed to do it last minute (our travel plans were very up-in-the-air), and we needed a place where we could invite both sides of the family and wreak the least havoc. She had a blast. It wasn't the type of party I normally would have done, but it was easy and fun and the kids loved it, and it was the first time our families have been able to celebrate her birthday with her. So, it was special nonetheless. At the end, when it was time to cash in her points for playing the games and get prizes, she had a zillion points. After she had the two things she wanted, I suggested she donate her points to her cousins. She had a better idea, though, and bought them all the same toy she'd bought herself. The woman behind the counter said in all the time she's worked there, she's never seen a kid buy things for other kids with their points. It was really sweet, and made me so proud. She is an awesome kid.
We got home from the party at about 8:30, and after we put the kids to bed, it was a mad scramble to get our bags packed for our morning flight. And then yesterday, a long travel day. But, we are home, and it is wonderful to be here. It was in the 70's and sunny, and I just sat on my patio and relaxed in the sun while the girls rested after lunch. It was lovely--and much better than the minus single digit temperatures it had been up north! As we walked to the park and grocery store today, I just kept thinking how happy I was to be back, how much I like it here, and how good it feels to be home. The kids were thrilled to be in their own space with all of their toys. And tomorrow, we still have one more Christmas ahead of us. We had to leave so last-minute that everyone had already mailed their gifts here, and we didn't have time to do it before we left. So, I've told the girls that I've asked Santa to deliver their gifts tonight. It is crazy and over-the-top, because everyone who mailed us gifts also went out and bought new ones when they found out we were coming home. But, I am going to make a pot of coffee, turn on the Christmas music, and enjoy the peace and joy of the season for a bit longer. It will sort of make up for being in pain and medicated on December 25.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Just in Case
I am vacillating between acceptance that what will be, will be, and worry. As you may have noticed, it is my nature to worry. I find that tears are not far below the surface, and mostly people seem not to understand why I am still so worried, even though the tumor wasn't, isn't cancer. I worry, though, that there may still be a problem of SOME sort. I worry about the weird tumor thingy that isn't cancer, but could still kill me (who knew such a thing even existed?!). I worry that there is cancer, too, and they just haven't found it yet (I read some incredibly frightening medical journal articles, and one of them mentioned that people with this thing I had have an increased risk of concurrent colon cancer and should be screened). I worry about the weird pain in my side which started this whole thing, the source of which is still very much unknown. I worry. I will hopefully worry less after talking with my doctor this weak at my post-op appointment.
But despite the worry, I am also okay. I am hyperaware of time now, and thinking a lot about how I want to spend my time. I know that I need to hope for the best, but also prepare, because tomorrow is promised to no one. There are things that are really important to me that I want to do, which I've long had in my head as "some day" projects/tasks, but which now have taken on more urgency. I will post soon about my goals list for 2014. Clearly, I want to spend lots of time with my family. But I also want to create a more thoughtful, cogent estate plan. I want to create books for the girls of their lives to date, full of photos and the blog posts I try to periodically write about their progress. I want to write them a book full of advice and wisdom, just in case I am not here to share it with them in person. I want to be sure that I have prepared, just in case. I hope to never, ever need it, but I want to have considered the possibilities and prepared for the less desirable alternatives that life could throw at us. We've done it, to some extent, but not as thoroughly as I would like.
This trip home has been such a reminder, too, of how quickly time passes. Our friends and relatives are aging, and with all of the time we spend away, we feel it acutely. It is so true that the days are long, but the years are short.
But despite the worry, I am also okay. I am hyperaware of time now, and thinking a lot about how I want to spend my time. I know that I need to hope for the best, but also prepare, because tomorrow is promised to no one. There are things that are really important to me that I want to do, which I've long had in my head as "some day" projects/tasks, but which now have taken on more urgency. I will post soon about my goals list for 2014. Clearly, I want to spend lots of time with my family. But I also want to create a more thoughtful, cogent estate plan. I want to create books for the girls of their lives to date, full of photos and the blog posts I try to periodically write about their progress. I want to write them a book full of advice and wisdom, just in case I am not here to share it with them in person. I want to be sure that I have prepared, just in case. I hope to never, ever need it, but I want to have considered the possibilities and prepared for the less desirable alternatives that life could throw at us. We've done it, to some extent, but not as thoroughly as I would like.
This trip home has been such a reminder, too, of how quickly time passes. Our friends and relatives are aging, and with all of the time we spend away, we feel it acutely. It is so true that the days are long, but the years are short.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Dealing with Hardship
A part of me is really freaked out by my diagnosis because it's the first time that I've had something really be wrong with me. I've had other health problems, but they didn't have the type of potential ramifications of this diagnosis. The idea of dying when my children are young is just devastating to me, and even the mere possibility of it. . .it's tough for me to even think about.
But I realized that I really need to focus on the positive. They think they got all of the tumor. There is no reason to think it will come back. I will be monitored closely. And if it does come back, we will treat it aggressively. There is no reason to think the worst, and there is much to be thankful for.
But more than that, I've been thinking about people who have it worse off than me. I have a distant relative who contracted HIV from a blood transfusion as a young child. He's today one of the longest surviving AIDS patients in the world. During his entire life, he's had to endure many painful tests and treatments, but he still carries on with his life every day. And, he's still here. He doesn't let his medical condition keep him from living his life. The night before my surgery, I also picked up the book The Happiness Project, which happened to be lying around my aunt's house. I started reading it that night, as a way to distract myself. The author's husband is Hepatitis C positive. Like my relative, he contracted it as a child before the blood supply was tested. 30 years after contracting Hepatitis C, most patients start to have problems with their liver. Her husband is at that point, yet he, too, is out there living his life. You can't live in fear of the unknown, really. Well, you could, I could, but if they are not, it would sort of be silly for me to. I need to be more brave.
One line in the book, from a comment on the author's blog, really resonated with me. The commenter wrote "I think a real life-shaking catastrophe can provide insights into happiness that you couldn't have any other way. . ." My situation is far from a catastrohpe at this point, but it has really made me take a closer look at my life, and realize how really good I have it, and how much better I can even make it.
I think that's the best way to deal with hard times: to look for what they teach you, and to look for the positive that you can take away from the situation, and to tackle a little bit every day to make those changes in your life from that point forward.
But I realized that I really need to focus on the positive. They think they got all of the tumor. There is no reason to think it will come back. I will be monitored closely. And if it does come back, we will treat it aggressively. There is no reason to think the worst, and there is much to be thankful for.
But more than that, I've been thinking about people who have it worse off than me. I have a distant relative who contracted HIV from a blood transfusion as a young child. He's today one of the longest surviving AIDS patients in the world. During his entire life, he's had to endure many painful tests and treatments, but he still carries on with his life every day. And, he's still here. He doesn't let his medical condition keep him from living his life. The night before my surgery, I also picked up the book The Happiness Project, which happened to be lying around my aunt's house. I started reading it that night, as a way to distract myself. The author's husband is Hepatitis C positive. Like my relative, he contracted it as a child before the blood supply was tested. 30 years after contracting Hepatitis C, most patients start to have problems with their liver. Her husband is at that point, yet he, too, is out there living his life. You can't live in fear of the unknown, really. Well, you could, I could, but if they are not, it would sort of be silly for me to. I need to be more brave.
One line in the book, from a comment on the author's blog, really resonated with me. The commenter wrote "I think a real life-shaking catastrophe can provide insights into happiness that you couldn't have any other way. . ." My situation is far from a catastrohpe at this point, but it has really made me take a closer look at my life, and realize how really good I have it, and how much better I can even make it.
I think that's the best way to deal with hard times: to look for what they teach you, and to look for the positive that you can take away from the situation, and to tackle a little bit every day to make those changes in your life from that point forward.
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