You know how you can't fit much on a post card? That's kind of like what this post is going to be like, because I am tired and feel like I am coming down with something.
But still, I wanted to update, because it's been FOREVER!!!
We had a blissfully uneventful trip over. Miss M. was a delight on the plane--she fell asleep just as we took off, slept for a few hours, then was awake for a few (and flirted with the man next to her the whole time), then slept again. I think the key was ensuring that she had the pacifier in during every bit of takeoff and landing, and making sure we had a bunch of toys with us. I found pacifier clips on Amazon that can be used to firmly attach toys to carseats, and they worked like a dream while we were in transit.
The last few weeks have been a blur of starting a new job (again), unpacking, and exploring our new city. My employer found our housing, and we have been delighted with the quality and location. It's the kind of neighborhood I've always wanted to live in, too, with loads of fabulous amenities nearby. We are having a blast here. Miss M is just delightful--crawling at the speed of light, pulling up on everything (and, a week and a half shy of 9 months old, letting go--she is anxious to walk, and determined. . .I really did get the restless child that I was, much to my chagrin). She makes a beeline for all the things we don't want her near: stairs, electrical cords, sharp corners on furniture, dead spiders. She laughs and smiles all of the time. . .except when she doesn't get her way, in which case, she fake cries. When I call her on the fake crying, she gives me a shit-eating grin, as if she just knows she's been busted. She is a delightful handful.
So, things are good. I find that I am. . .happy. . .here. It feels so odd to say. As months pass, and I continue to shed my old self, I have been recognizing just how toxic certain aspects of my old life were. It is so refreshing, so much fun to start over. I knew it would be good for me, but I truly had no idea how much I would enjoy this. I thought it would be hard, I thought it would be a challenge, and it is both of those things at times. But it never occurred to me that it would be so much FUN to move to a new place, live in a new country, try a new profession, work with new people. Every day is such a joy. I feel so blessed, to have this husband, this baby, this job, this LIFE. It feels so good, and it is nice to finally feel so good. I think I became so beaten down for so long in my old life (and principally by my old job) that I no longer recognized that life could be this good. I am so glad I made this leap of faith.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
And We're Off!
Waiting to board the airplane now. . .baby's first flight!!! Hopefully, this will go well. She's eaten and taken a little baby Tylenol. Wish I was in such good shape. . .ran out of time and didn't get a chance to pump! So uncomfortable!!!
May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!
May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!
And We're Off!
Waiting to board the airplane now. . .baby's first flight!!! Hopefully, this will go well. She's eaten and taken a little baby Tylenol. Wish I was in such good shape. . .ran out of time and didn't get a chance to pump! So uncomfortable!!!
May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!
May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!
And We're Off!
Waiting to board the airplane now. . .baby's first flight!!! Hopefully, this will go well. She's eaten and taken a little baby Tylenol. Wish I was in such good shape. . .ran out of time and didn't get a chance to pump! So uncomfortable!!!
May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!
May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!
Friday, September 3, 2010
It's a Rollercoaster
I am alternating between being blissfully happy and completely losing my shit, sometimes in the same 5 minutes. I am a little disappointed in myself that I feel this way, but in my more rational moments, I know this is probably normal on the eve to a move to a completely different continent. Aside from the obvious stress, my to-do list contains about a million things left on it. Like, canceling my cell phone contract (their website is suspiciously absent of information on how to do this; I know that we should be able to do it without a fee, but the details are lost on me). It's mostly just little stuff, but boy, there is a lot of it.
We aren't moving to Borneo-sorry to my commenter-I would have loved someone nearby! We're headed to Europe. Don't get me wrong-I'm ecstatic about the assignment, in a big picture sense. It's just that right now, I am utterly mired in details, and the drudgery of moving again. Oh, and every time I think of traveling with a baby, divine though she is, I get a little overwhelmed. I have visions of a screaming, pooplosions, lost luggage...aaahhhhh, so relaxing, this new life!
We aren't moving to Borneo-sorry to my commenter-I would have loved someone nearby! We're headed to Europe. Don't get me wrong-I'm ecstatic about the assignment, in a big picture sense. It's just that right now, I am utterly mired in details, and the drudgery of moving again. Oh, and every time I think of traveling with a baby, divine though she is, I get a little overwhelmed. I have visions of a screaming, pooplosions, lost luggage...aaahhhhh, so relaxing, this new life!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Has It Really Been Three Weeks?
So, I am a really bad blogger lately. Currently, my days look something like this:
•wake up around six; hit snooze until 7.
•Rush around like lunatic trying to get ready and out the door for 8 am bus to work
•Work until around 4:30 (which is SO TOTALLY EARLY compared to my old job. Why don't I have any free time?!)
•Run around all day at work. Spend every spare minute pumping and/or frantically trying to arrange details of our upcoming move that are technically work-related, but somehow don't really fit into my workday.
•Run for the bus home; just barely make it-arrive home just before 5
•Play with Miss M. until she seems tired/feed her/talk to her/play with her some more/do SOMETHING about dinner (takeout, anyone??!)
•Nurse baby to sleep when she gets fussy (bad sleep habit, I know!)
•After baby is in bed, run around apartment like lunatic/surf internet, ordering things, going over to-do lists, researching, cleaning apartment, doing laundry, etc, until I fall into bed around 11
•Wake to sound of crying baby 56 times in middle of night; comfort her briefly until she falls asleep (yes, another bad sleep habit-but it's all about survival right now, and she goes back to sleep in seconds when comforted and not at all if ignored)
•Rinse, lather, repeat...
Weekends involve more time with baby, but also more time running around. So, blogging has fallen off my radar. Things are going well overall, though, other than the utter insanity of dealing with a second major move in a three months. Things are inexplicably better with T. Part of it, I think, is that I've stopped needing the fenugreek, and I've noticed that I am a LOT less irritable. I was INSANELY irritable while taking it. I haven't seen that as a side effect, but that was my experience. It will be good to finally get settled and find a good babysitter. We haven't had a date without the baby in months, and we really need it.
We leave next week for our new city, where we will spend the next few years. It is crazy to be moving again. We've made some great friends here, and it makes me sad to leave them so soon, but since they were only here for training, they are leaving soon too. I guess that just gives us one more place to want to visit on vacation!
I've just seen the pictures of our new townhouse, and it is pretty fabulous. I could have never afforded such a great place in a large city on my own, but it's one of the perks of the job. I'm pretty excited about it.
And now, must race off again! I scheduled a meeting for tonight, because I just couldn't fit it in anywhere else. Sigh. I'd rather be playing with Miss M.
•wake up around six; hit snooze until 7.
•Rush around like lunatic trying to get ready and out the door for 8 am bus to work
•Work until around 4:30 (which is SO TOTALLY EARLY compared to my old job. Why don't I have any free time?!)
•Run around all day at work. Spend every spare minute pumping and/or frantically trying to arrange details of our upcoming move that are technically work-related, but somehow don't really fit into my workday.
•Run for the bus home; just barely make it-arrive home just before 5
•Play with Miss M. until she seems tired/feed her/talk to her/play with her some more/do SOMETHING about dinner (takeout, anyone??!)
•Nurse baby to sleep when she gets fussy (bad sleep habit, I know!)
•After baby is in bed, run around apartment like lunatic/surf internet, ordering things, going over to-do lists, researching, cleaning apartment, doing laundry, etc, until I fall into bed around 11
•Wake to sound of crying baby 56 times in middle of night; comfort her briefly until she falls asleep (yes, another bad sleep habit-but it's all about survival right now, and she goes back to sleep in seconds when comforted and not at all if ignored)
•Rinse, lather, repeat...
Weekends involve more time with baby, but also more time running around. So, blogging has fallen off my radar. Things are going well overall, though, other than the utter insanity of dealing with a second major move in a three months. Things are inexplicably better with T. Part of it, I think, is that I've stopped needing the fenugreek, and I've noticed that I am a LOT less irritable. I was INSANELY irritable while taking it. I haven't seen that as a side effect, but that was my experience. It will be good to finally get settled and find a good babysitter. We haven't had a date without the baby in months, and we really need it.
We leave next week for our new city, where we will spend the next few years. It is crazy to be moving again. We've made some great friends here, and it makes me sad to leave them so soon, but since they were only here for training, they are leaving soon too. I guess that just gives us one more place to want to visit on vacation!
I've just seen the pictures of our new townhouse, and it is pretty fabulous. I could have never afforded such a great place in a large city on my own, but it's one of the perks of the job. I'm pretty excited about it.
And now, must race off again! I scheduled a meeting for tonight, because I just couldn't fit it in anywhere else. Sigh. I'd rather be playing with Miss M.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Transitions
When we decided to have a baby, I knew that there were things about my relationship with my husband that would change. I also knew that there would be things that would be hard. We'd been together for fifteen years before we had the baby. As our union became a true family, the dynamic between us would be different.
Similarly, I knew that there were a pile of things that would be hard about taking this new job. After all, we moved 500 miles so that I could get training, knowing that we would move internationally when I finished training. We didn't know at the outset exactly how much training I would get, or exactly how long we would be here. We moved to a place that neither of us was familiar with. I changed fields, so I am learning entirely new skills every day. I have new coworkers now, and will have new ones again in another month or so when we move again. T gave up his career to become M's full time caregiver, so there is the loss of how he has defined himself professionally, as well as the transition from professional with his own business to staying at home full time with a baby, which we all known can be wonderful, intense and isolating all in the same day. We've left our familiar support network of friends and family.
Much of this has been joyful and easy. Some of it, though, has been hard.
Our relationship continues to evolve, both in relation to having a baby and with regard to all of the other changes going on around us. The evolution is not always for the better. I am short-tempered sometimes. I am tired, particularly when I've had a number of long days in a row, and Miss M hasn't been sleeping. I am quick to become irritable with the fact that T can't be bothered to rinse out the bottles after he feeds them to her, or take out the trash when he has been home all day, or leaves wet towels from the pool on the living room furniture. It makes me crazy. He will become sullen and quiet when I tell him Miss M needs to be strapped into her carseat all of the way when we go out for a walk with her, that it's not safe otherwise. He'll tell me bitterly that I suck the fun out of everything when he proposes going out for burgers, and I point out that will only make him feel poorly and ruin his sleep. Some days, it feels like we either bicker, or there is a gulf of silence between us.
I know this is just a transition phase. We have a strong relationship and a long history together, and there has been a lot of change for us over the last nine months. I adore him, and he makes me laugh. I know that we can work past all of the stupid stuff, and that our lives are in a really good place right now overall. There are plenty of nice moments among the irritating and difficult ones.
But lately, our marriage feels--for the first time in a decade--like it really takes effort to make it work. I am used to speeding along on autopilot and having everything slide along smoothly. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to it being hard.
I underestimated how much of an impact transition upon transition upon transition would have on us. It's one thing to have a baby, or move, or take a new job, or go from running a business to taking care of a baby. But doing all at once is infinitely more challenging.
Similarly, I knew that there were a pile of things that would be hard about taking this new job. After all, we moved 500 miles so that I could get training, knowing that we would move internationally when I finished training. We didn't know at the outset exactly how much training I would get, or exactly how long we would be here. We moved to a place that neither of us was familiar with. I changed fields, so I am learning entirely new skills every day. I have new coworkers now, and will have new ones again in another month or so when we move again. T gave up his career to become M's full time caregiver, so there is the loss of how he has defined himself professionally, as well as the transition from professional with his own business to staying at home full time with a baby, which we all known can be wonderful, intense and isolating all in the same day. We've left our familiar support network of friends and family.
Much of this has been joyful and easy. Some of it, though, has been hard.
Our relationship continues to evolve, both in relation to having a baby and with regard to all of the other changes going on around us. The evolution is not always for the better. I am short-tempered sometimes. I am tired, particularly when I've had a number of long days in a row, and Miss M hasn't been sleeping. I am quick to become irritable with the fact that T can't be bothered to rinse out the bottles after he feeds them to her, or take out the trash when he has been home all day, or leaves wet towels from the pool on the living room furniture. It makes me crazy. He will become sullen and quiet when I tell him Miss M needs to be strapped into her carseat all of the way when we go out for a walk with her, that it's not safe otherwise. He'll tell me bitterly that I suck the fun out of everything when he proposes going out for burgers, and I point out that will only make him feel poorly and ruin his sleep. Some days, it feels like we either bicker, or there is a gulf of silence between us.
I know this is just a transition phase. We have a strong relationship and a long history together, and there has been a lot of change for us over the last nine months. I adore him, and he makes me laugh. I know that we can work past all of the stupid stuff, and that our lives are in a really good place right now overall. There are plenty of nice moments among the irritating and difficult ones.
But lately, our marriage feels--for the first time in a decade--like it really takes effort to make it work. I am used to speeding along on autopilot and having everything slide along smoothly. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to it being hard.
I underestimated how much of an impact transition upon transition upon transition would have on us. It's one thing to have a baby, or move, or take a new job, or go from running a business to taking care of a baby. But doing all at once is infinitely more challenging.
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