So, I am a really bad blogger lately. Currently, my days look something like this:
•wake up around six; hit snooze until 7.
•Rush around like lunatic trying to get ready and out the door for 8 am bus to work
•Work until around 4:30 (which is SO TOTALLY EARLY compared to my old job. Why don't I have any free time?!)
•Run around all day at work. Spend every spare minute pumping and/or frantically trying to arrange details of our upcoming move that are technically work-related, but somehow don't really fit into my workday.
•Run for the bus home; just barely make it-arrive home just before 5
•Play with Miss M. until she seems tired/feed her/talk to her/play with her some more/do SOMETHING about dinner (takeout, anyone??!)
•Nurse baby to sleep when she gets fussy (bad sleep habit, I know!)
•After baby is in bed, run around apartment like lunatic/surf internet, ordering things, going over to-do lists, researching, cleaning apartment, doing laundry, etc, until I fall into bed around 11
•Wake to sound of crying baby 56 times in middle of night; comfort her briefly until she falls asleep (yes, another bad sleep habit-but it's all about survival right now, and she goes back to sleep in seconds when comforted and not at all if ignored)
•Rinse, lather, repeat...
Weekends involve more time with baby, but also more time running around. So, blogging has fallen off my radar. Things are going well overall, though, other than the utter insanity of dealing with a second major move in a three months. Things are inexplicably better with T. Part of it, I think, is that I've stopped needing the fenugreek, and I've noticed that I am a LOT less irritable. I was INSANELY irritable while taking it. I haven't seen that as a side effect, but that was my experience. It will be good to finally get settled and find a good babysitter. We haven't had a date without the baby in months, and we really need it.
We leave next week for our new city, where we will spend the next few years. It is crazy to be moving again. We've made some great friends here, and it makes me sad to leave them so soon, but since they were only here for training, they are leaving soon too. I guess that just gives us one more place to want to visit on vacation!
I've just seen the pictures of our new townhouse, and it is pretty fabulous. I could have never afforded such a great place in a large city on my own, but it's one of the perks of the job. I'm pretty excited about it.
And now, must race off again! I scheduled a meeting for tonight, because I just couldn't fit it in anywhere else. Sigh. I'd rather be playing with Miss M.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Transitions
When we decided to have a baby, I knew that there were things about my relationship with my husband that would change. I also knew that there would be things that would be hard. We'd been together for fifteen years before we had the baby. As our union became a true family, the dynamic between us would be different.
Similarly, I knew that there were a pile of things that would be hard about taking this new job. After all, we moved 500 miles so that I could get training, knowing that we would move internationally when I finished training. We didn't know at the outset exactly how much training I would get, or exactly how long we would be here. We moved to a place that neither of us was familiar with. I changed fields, so I am learning entirely new skills every day. I have new coworkers now, and will have new ones again in another month or so when we move again. T gave up his career to become M's full time caregiver, so there is the loss of how he has defined himself professionally, as well as the transition from professional with his own business to staying at home full time with a baby, which we all known can be wonderful, intense and isolating all in the same day. We've left our familiar support network of friends and family.
Much of this has been joyful and easy. Some of it, though, has been hard.
Our relationship continues to evolve, both in relation to having a baby and with regard to all of the other changes going on around us. The evolution is not always for the better. I am short-tempered sometimes. I am tired, particularly when I've had a number of long days in a row, and Miss M hasn't been sleeping. I am quick to become irritable with the fact that T can't be bothered to rinse out the bottles after he feeds them to her, or take out the trash when he has been home all day, or leaves wet towels from the pool on the living room furniture. It makes me crazy. He will become sullen and quiet when I tell him Miss M needs to be strapped into her carseat all of the way when we go out for a walk with her, that it's not safe otherwise. He'll tell me bitterly that I suck the fun out of everything when he proposes going out for burgers, and I point out that will only make him feel poorly and ruin his sleep. Some days, it feels like we either bicker, or there is a gulf of silence between us.
I know this is just a transition phase. We have a strong relationship and a long history together, and there has been a lot of change for us over the last nine months. I adore him, and he makes me laugh. I know that we can work past all of the stupid stuff, and that our lives are in a really good place right now overall. There are plenty of nice moments among the irritating and difficult ones.
But lately, our marriage feels--for the first time in a decade--like it really takes effort to make it work. I am used to speeding along on autopilot and having everything slide along smoothly. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to it being hard.
I underestimated how much of an impact transition upon transition upon transition would have on us. It's one thing to have a baby, or move, or take a new job, or go from running a business to taking care of a baby. But doing all at once is infinitely more challenging.
Similarly, I knew that there were a pile of things that would be hard about taking this new job. After all, we moved 500 miles so that I could get training, knowing that we would move internationally when I finished training. We didn't know at the outset exactly how much training I would get, or exactly how long we would be here. We moved to a place that neither of us was familiar with. I changed fields, so I am learning entirely new skills every day. I have new coworkers now, and will have new ones again in another month or so when we move again. T gave up his career to become M's full time caregiver, so there is the loss of how he has defined himself professionally, as well as the transition from professional with his own business to staying at home full time with a baby, which we all known can be wonderful, intense and isolating all in the same day. We've left our familiar support network of friends and family.
Much of this has been joyful and easy. Some of it, though, has been hard.
Our relationship continues to evolve, both in relation to having a baby and with regard to all of the other changes going on around us. The evolution is not always for the better. I am short-tempered sometimes. I am tired, particularly when I've had a number of long days in a row, and Miss M hasn't been sleeping. I am quick to become irritable with the fact that T can't be bothered to rinse out the bottles after he feeds them to her, or take out the trash when he has been home all day, or leaves wet towels from the pool on the living room furniture. It makes me crazy. He will become sullen and quiet when I tell him Miss M needs to be strapped into her carseat all of the way when we go out for a walk with her, that it's not safe otherwise. He'll tell me bitterly that I suck the fun out of everything when he proposes going out for burgers, and I point out that will only make him feel poorly and ruin his sleep. Some days, it feels like we either bicker, or there is a gulf of silence between us.
I know this is just a transition phase. We have a strong relationship and a long history together, and there has been a lot of change for us over the last nine months. I adore him, and he makes me laugh. I know that we can work past all of the stupid stuff, and that our lives are in a really good place right now overall. There are plenty of nice moments among the irritating and difficult ones.
But lately, our marriage feels--for the first time in a decade--like it really takes effort to make it work. I am used to speeding along on autopilot and having everything slide along smoothly. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to it being hard.
I underestimated how much of an impact transition upon transition upon transition would have on us. It's one thing to have a baby, or move, or take a new job, or go from running a business to taking care of a baby. But doing all at once is infinitely more challenging.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Miss M at Six Months and Change
I am a little late with the monthly update, but things have been quite hectic around here, and every spare minute has been spent enjoying time with Miss M, rather than documenting that time. . .
Dear Miss M,
We continue to be thoroughly enchanted by you. You are the happiest of babies, always smiling and giggling. When you wake up in the morning, you lay quietly, waiting for us to also awaken. When we do, you give us a big smile as soon as you see that we are looking at you. Sometimes, if you are in our bed, which you ARE most mornings these days, you will grab on to my pajama top and nestle in close so that you can nurse. You are getting SO strong, and can pull yourself over to me. It is quite cute.
You have not slept well since we moved here. About a month ago, we were at wit's end with your sleeplessness, and we let you sleep in our bed with us--something we said we would NEVER do! Sure enough, it helped you sleep, which in turn meant that we slept. You've been there ever since. Oh sure, we try to put you to bed in your crib. But sometime during the middle of the night, you are sure to awake crying. You roll all over the place, and wake yourself up rolling onto your tummy. It scares you to wake up alone, and you cry inconsolably until you realize we are there with you. As soon as we pick you up, you are happy, and you go right back to sleep once placed in our bed. You love to snuggle with us, and can often be found with one hand on daddy and one on mommy.
You are incredibly active these days. You roll ALL OVER the place. You sometimes try to crawl, but can't quite do it, and this frustrates you and makes you cry. Still, you are able to move everywhere by rolling like a whirling dervish. It was quiet, a little too quiet, a few weeks ago, and when I peered out from the kitchen, you had managed to roll yourself over to the big glass windows and were gnawing on the bottoms of the vertical blinds. Yuck!
You love to be out and about in your stroller. You are curious about the world around you, as you have been ever since you were born. I have never seen a baby who is so interested in everything, but you are. You love to look around. You are fascinated by trees, and just like daddy, you love to people watch. We are having a terrible time getting you to eat, because you just don't want to stop for a minute. It takes an hour to get you to drink 4-5 ounces from your bottle. I have no idea how much you drink when you nurse, because while you are more attentive, you are also more comfortable nursing, and you often fall asleep.
This month, just before the 4th of July, we started you on "real" food while we were visiting my mom, your grandma. Rice cereal. . .you didn't love it. We get a bit into you at every feeding, but you just aren't crazy about it. After that, we moved on to green beans (you hated them and cried with every spoonful. . .you made the best "this is terrible" faces). I thought that maybe there was something wrong with the green beans, but I tasted them, and they tasted just like green beans. We gave up on those after a week. . .maybe in a few weeks we'll bring them back. Then, it was peaches, but you didn't really care for those, either. We tried bananas next. Nope, not those, either. Finally, we hit the jackpot with applesauce. Slowly, we are getting more into you.
At your six month doctor's visit, you were in just the 5 percentile for your weight, although you were in the 55 percentile for height, and the 75 percentile for head circumference. We joke that you are going to be skinny and smart. Still, it worries us that you are so thin, and the doctor wants to see us again in six weeks. We are sneaking cereal into your bottles to try to add some extra calories. We can't tell if it's working.
We love to play with you. You love books, your rubber giraffe, your binky, and the little soft stuffed doll that grandma gave you when she came to visit you this month. It is the perfect size for you, and you love to chew on it. You love to chew on everything, actually--the tags on pillows, your blanket, daddy's shirt, your toys, your feet. In fact, while trying to take your passport photo yesterday, they had to take it twice, because you stuck your foot in your mouth just as they snapped the picture. And everything makes you laugh. We just love to listen to you laugh. It is the happiest sound on the planet.
Each day, we look forward to the new little things that you do. You now pass things from one hand to the other. You can sit up, supporting yourself on your arms. In the last few days, you have started to make a clicking sound with your mouth. You have also started doing something that we find absolutely hilarious--DANCING!!! A few nights ago we were at dinner with friends, and you heard some music and started rocking back and forth, and then laughing your head off. It was so funny. We've been able to replicate it since then--yes, you dance when we play music. It is just the greatest thing ever. We have no idea where you learned this from.
In another month, we will move to a foreign country. It will be sad that you won't get to see our friends and family as often as you might have otherwise, but there are so many amazing experiences that you will have instead. We can't wait to explore this big world with you.
Love,
Mom
Dear Miss M,
We continue to be thoroughly enchanted by you. You are the happiest of babies, always smiling and giggling. When you wake up in the morning, you lay quietly, waiting for us to also awaken. When we do, you give us a big smile as soon as you see that we are looking at you. Sometimes, if you are in our bed, which you ARE most mornings these days, you will grab on to my pajama top and nestle in close so that you can nurse. You are getting SO strong, and can pull yourself over to me. It is quite cute.
You have not slept well since we moved here. About a month ago, we were at wit's end with your sleeplessness, and we let you sleep in our bed with us--something we said we would NEVER do! Sure enough, it helped you sleep, which in turn meant that we slept. You've been there ever since. Oh sure, we try to put you to bed in your crib. But sometime during the middle of the night, you are sure to awake crying. You roll all over the place, and wake yourself up rolling onto your tummy. It scares you to wake up alone, and you cry inconsolably until you realize we are there with you. As soon as we pick you up, you are happy, and you go right back to sleep once placed in our bed. You love to snuggle with us, and can often be found with one hand on daddy and one on mommy.
You are incredibly active these days. You roll ALL OVER the place. You sometimes try to crawl, but can't quite do it, and this frustrates you and makes you cry. Still, you are able to move everywhere by rolling like a whirling dervish. It was quiet, a little too quiet, a few weeks ago, and when I peered out from the kitchen, you had managed to roll yourself over to the big glass windows and were gnawing on the bottoms of the vertical blinds. Yuck!
You love to be out and about in your stroller. You are curious about the world around you, as you have been ever since you were born. I have never seen a baby who is so interested in everything, but you are. You love to look around. You are fascinated by trees, and just like daddy, you love to people watch. We are having a terrible time getting you to eat, because you just don't want to stop for a minute. It takes an hour to get you to drink 4-5 ounces from your bottle. I have no idea how much you drink when you nurse, because while you are more attentive, you are also more comfortable nursing, and you often fall asleep.
This month, just before the 4th of July, we started you on "real" food while we were visiting my mom, your grandma. Rice cereal. . .you didn't love it. We get a bit into you at every feeding, but you just aren't crazy about it. After that, we moved on to green beans (you hated them and cried with every spoonful. . .you made the best "this is terrible" faces). I thought that maybe there was something wrong with the green beans, but I tasted them, and they tasted just like green beans. We gave up on those after a week. . .maybe in a few weeks we'll bring them back. Then, it was peaches, but you didn't really care for those, either. We tried bananas next. Nope, not those, either. Finally, we hit the jackpot with applesauce. Slowly, we are getting more into you.
At your six month doctor's visit, you were in just the 5 percentile for your weight, although you were in the 55 percentile for height, and the 75 percentile for head circumference. We joke that you are going to be skinny and smart. Still, it worries us that you are so thin, and the doctor wants to see us again in six weeks. We are sneaking cereal into your bottles to try to add some extra calories. We can't tell if it's working.
We love to play with you. You love books, your rubber giraffe, your binky, and the little soft stuffed doll that grandma gave you when she came to visit you this month. It is the perfect size for you, and you love to chew on it. You love to chew on everything, actually--the tags on pillows, your blanket, daddy's shirt, your toys, your feet. In fact, while trying to take your passport photo yesterday, they had to take it twice, because you stuck your foot in your mouth just as they snapped the picture. And everything makes you laugh. We just love to listen to you laugh. It is the happiest sound on the planet.
Each day, we look forward to the new little things that you do. You now pass things from one hand to the other. You can sit up, supporting yourself on your arms. In the last few days, you have started to make a clicking sound with your mouth. You have also started doing something that we find absolutely hilarious--DANCING!!! A few nights ago we were at dinner with friends, and you heard some music and started rocking back and forth, and then laughing your head off. It was so funny. We've been able to replicate it since then--yes, you dance when we play music. It is just the greatest thing ever. We have no idea where you learned this from.
In another month, we will move to a foreign country. It will be sad that you won't get to see our friends and family as often as you might have otherwise, but there are so many amazing experiences that you will have instead. We can't wait to explore this big world with you.
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Things I Have Learned In The Last Month
1. When given no other coice, it is possible to pump in five minutes. It is also possible to pump with this sort of abbreviated pumping schedule for weeks on end, and keep supply in reasonably good shape.
2. Fenugreek really works to improve supply, and quickly!
3. Alas, a baby who sleeps well for months on end won't sleep well forever...particularly once she discovers it's much nicer to snuggle in mommy's bed than sleep alone in her crib.
4. South of New England, the cockroaches grow to be the size of small dogs.
5. It's fun to be a student again. Usually. Sometimes it also feels like living under a semi-hostile dictatorship. No cups without lids, 10 minute bathroom breaks, no whispering...ugh.
6. If you don't unpack, you don't have to repack two months later when you learn you are getting sent abroad much sooner than you have anticipated.
7. Grandmothers don't like it much when you tell them you are taking their grandchild to a large city in another country, and it doesn't help to remind them that at least it's not [insert country you find frightening here].
2. Fenugreek really works to improve supply, and quickly!
3. Alas, a baby who sleeps well for months on end won't sleep well forever...particularly once she discovers it's much nicer to snuggle in mommy's bed than sleep alone in her crib.
4. South of New England, the cockroaches grow to be the size of small dogs.
5. It's fun to be a student again. Usually. Sometimes it also feels like living under a semi-hostile dictatorship. No cups without lids, 10 minute bathroom breaks, no whispering...ugh.
6. If you don't unpack, you don't have to repack two months later when you learn you are getting sent abroad much sooner than you have anticipated.
7. Grandmothers don't like it much when you tell them you are taking their grandchild to a large city in another country, and it doesn't help to remind them that at least it's not [insert country you find frightening here].
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Here!
I am still alive. I have been so insanely busy, and running on so little sleep, that blogging has been impossible. The schedule with the new job has been easy in terms of work hours, but the social schedule here has been intense. Miss M is still not sleeping through the night, either, so I am a wreck. I am having a blast, but wiped out. The job is great, Miss M is divine, and T is great. Things are good. I should know in a few days how much more training I will need, and where the company will be sending me next. It's all very exciting...and oh so exhausting!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Arrival
We are in our new city, and more or less moved in to our new place. It's a decent place-big and airy, with nice furnishings. Since we are here only temporarily for training, we moved into a furnished place, and we are so glad we did. It was no more difficult than check into a hotel, and it came pretty well stocked (there is even a pastry brush in the kitchen!).
We made one tactical mistake. We waited to transition Miss M from bassinet to crib until we were here. She has also started rolling over onto her tummy every chance she gets, and seems to have forgotten how to roll back. She tries to crawl (but can't), and then screams her head off. She woke herself up approximately 407 times the first couple of nights, rolling all over the place. I wondered if we would ever sleep through the night again. Mercifully, last night she rolled all over the place, but did not wake up, and we all got a good night's sleep.
I have started my new job. So far, so good. I got home at 5:15 last night! I have commuted and worked such long hours for so many years that it was kind of a shock. We went out to dinner, and as we walked back, I commented on how nice it is to be able to do things with T. during the week. I am so excited to be able to spend more time at home, which the hours of job will hopefully allow me to do.
So all in all, things are good!
We made one tactical mistake. We waited to transition Miss M from bassinet to crib until we were here. She has also started rolling over onto her tummy every chance she gets, and seems to have forgotten how to roll back. She tries to crawl (but can't), and then screams her head off. She woke herself up approximately 407 times the first couple of nights, rolling all over the place. I wondered if we would ever sleep through the night again. Mercifully, last night she rolled all over the place, but did not wake up, and we all got a good night's sleep.
I have started my new job. So far, so good. I got home at 5:15 last night! I have commuted and worked such long hours for so many years that it was kind of a shock. We went out to dinner, and as we walked back, I commented on how nice it is to be able to do things with T. during the week. I am so excited to be able to spend more time at home, which the hours of job will hopefully allow me to do.
So all in all, things are good!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Hodgepodge
Well, one end of the move (out of our house) is officially over. We had a going away party, which was fun. I said goodbye to family and friends, which was hard. We cleaned out the house, put stuff in storage, threw stuff away, donated, and packed for what seems like forever. I am so glad to be done with it, although it was so all-consuming that I feel like I didn't get a chance to say a proper goodbye to my old life, if that makes any sense. When you are moving, it is easy to occupy yourself with the small stuff.
We drove a good bit of the way a few nights ago. Miss M was cheerful for the first seven hours in her carseat, but the last two hours were a screamfest. I felt horrible, so horrible that I stopped at a rest area not far from my mother's house (our destination at the time) just so I could take her out of the car seat and hug her. That's all she wanted, and she cried again when I had to strap her back in. We've spent the last few days at my mom's, where Miss M was spoiled by grandma. Tomorrow, we drive a few more hours, then move into our new place. I can't wait to see it (we rented sight unseen, because that was all I could deal with at the time).
We drove a good bit of the way a few nights ago. Miss M was cheerful for the first seven hours in her carseat, but the last two hours were a screamfest. I felt horrible, so horrible that I stopped at a rest area not far from my mother's house (our destination at the time) just so I could take her out of the car seat and hug her. That's all she wanted, and she cried again when I had to strap her back in. We've spent the last few days at my mom's, where Miss M was spoiled by grandma. Tomorrow, we drive a few more hours, then move into our new place. I can't wait to see it (we rented sight unseen, because that was all I could deal with at the time).
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