I am feeling anxious.
I have to go on an overnight business trip to another city, and I have to fly. In light of recent events, I'm nervous about flying. I don't love to fly on a good day, and what happened in Ukraine has me feeling particularly vulnerable. After all, I don't live in the safest country on the planet. And there are rebels here. And they do bad things. Hopefully, it will all be fine. But still, I'm wishing that I didn't have to go.
And then there is the fact that I have to leave T. and the girls overnight by themselves. I hate the idea that I'll be a flight away. I'm anxious about them being able to take care of themselves. T's language skills are not the best. He has all the emergency contact numbers, and we have tons of friends, but a lot of people are on vacation right now, and I'm just. . .worrying. Probably needlessly, but I can't help it. I always worry about my babies, and last week's trip to the ER after SB's fall has me on edge still, hyper-vigilant.
But those aren't the only things that have me feeling anxious.
I have to have a colonoscopy this week, which I'm totally dreading. I've had two in the past, and I can't say they are likable under the best of circumstances. The prep, the abstention from eating, the actual procedure. But, I have to have it done here, and I'm super nervous about that. My doctor speaks great English and has a good reputation, but that doesn't mean the rest of the hospital does. I'm anxious about having to undergo the anesthesia, and the procedure, here. I had to do my pre-anesthesia appointment in Spanish, which was fine, and which I could do. And really, my Spanish is fine. I did SB's entire ER visit in Spanish last week, too. But healthcare in Spanish by itself stresses me out, without the added stress of the anesthesia (which I always hate having, and which I'm always afraid of), and the procedure. Oh, and the results. I'm terrified they are going to find something.
I'm having the test done because ever since I had a weird intestinal infection back in October (which T and SB also got), I've had this odd gurgling on my right hand side, just below my ribcage. At times, there is also pain. The doctor suspects that the infection has something to do with it, but it has to be checked out. Plus, I have other ongoing issues, such as the emergency surgery I had in December and the tumor they removed.
So, super stressful week. Hopefully, it will all go really well, and will fly by, and everything will turn out great. Fingers crossed.