Tuesday, June 22, 2010


We are in our new city, and more or less moved in to our new place. It's a decent place-big and airy, with nice furnishings. Since we are here only temporarily for training, we moved into a furnished place, and we are so glad we did. It was no more difficult than check into a hotel, and it came pretty well stocked (there is even a pastry brush in the kitchen!).

We made one tactical mistake. We waited to transition Miss M from bassinet to crib until we were here. She has also started rolling over onto her tummy every chance she gets, and seems to have forgotten how to roll back. She tries to crawl (but can't), and then screams her head off. She woke herself up approximately 407 times the first couple of nights, rolling all over the place. I wondered if we would ever sleep through the night again. Mercifully, last night she rolled all over the place, but did not wake up, and we all got a good night's sleep.

I have started my new job. So far, so good. I got home at 5:15 last night! I have commuted and worked such long hours for so many years that it was kind of a shock. We went out to dinner, and as we walked back, I commented on how nice it is to be able to do things with T. during the week. I am so excited to be able to spend more time at home, which the hours of job will hopefully allow me to do.

So all in all, things are good!

Friday, June 18, 2010


Well, one end of the move (out of our house) is officially over. We had a going away party, which was fun. I said goodbye to family and friends, which was hard. We cleaned out the house, put stuff in storage, threw stuff away, donated, and packed for what seems like forever. I am so glad to be done with it, although it was so all-consuming that I feel like I didn't get a chance to say a proper goodbye to my old life, if that makes any sense. When you are moving, it is easy to occupy yourself with the small stuff.

We drove a good bit of the way a few nights ago. Miss M was cheerful for the first seven hours in her carseat, but the last two hours were a screamfest. I felt horrible, so horrible that I stopped at a rest area not far from my mother's house (our destination at the time) just so I could take her out of the car seat and hug her. That's all she wanted, and she cried again when I had to strap her back in. We've spent the last few days at my mom's, where Miss M was spoiled by grandma. Tomorrow, we drive a few more hours, then move into our new place. I can't wait to see it (we rented sight unseen, because that was all I could deal with at the time).

Saturday, June 12, 2010


Tonight is my last night in my own bed in my own house. The movers are coming tomorrow (a day early-don't even get me started!). It's Miss M's last night in her bassinet, as we will be transitioning her to her crib after we move. It's our last night in this room where we created her...our last night in this room where my water broke, where she and I spent much of those early months, coccooned in from the winter weather and the world. Our last night really living in this house, where this amazing life with her Miss M. began.

The pace has been frenetic, so there's been no time to reflect, which might be a good thing. My grandmother came by today, to see M. and to take pictures, and to give her some things, and it struck me that this isn't just saying goodbye to our house and our favorite places. It's not just "see you in a while, to our friends and family. This might actually be the last time I see my grandmothers. It may be our last time with certain family friends and godparents, ever. Some of them are getting older, and/or are in failing health. It all makes me terribly sad.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

5 Months

Miss M. Is five months today. She is currently laying under her baby gym, vigorously moving her legs, talking, and trying to yank one of the toys low enough to stuff it in her mouth--all while pooping her pants, it seems from the noises she is making. Ahhh, the life of a baby.

Five months ago, it was hard for me to ever imagine a time when parenting wouldn't be scary, a time when she would get bigger, a time when she would interact with the world around her. When I first would lay her under the play gym, she would just lay there and stare. I couldn't imagine that she would play with the toys on the baby gym. But, that day is here. It's amazing to think of how far along her development has come. In no particular order:

-Miss M can roll over both ways. She started being able to roll from front to back a few weeks ago. It's still a bit hard for her, as she has trouble pulling the arm underneath her out from beneath her after she rolls.

She chatters away a lot. In the morning, she gets louder and louder until we get up with her.

She is a happy, smiley, giggly baby. We just adore her. Yesterday we took her to get her passport, and she gave the photographer a big smile. She is going to have the cutest passport photo.

She has started to teeth in ernest over the last few weeks. Everything goes in her mouth, and she is increasingly fussy. She'll stop screaming if you rub her gums, though. But, I hate putting my fingers in her mouth.

She has started trying to stick her fingers in her mouth while she eats. Nope, that doesn't work.

She has a new love for her swing, which she was never really into before.

We've started sitting her in the Bumbo chair, which she likes-especially outside on the grass. She is fascinated by grass, and leans over the chair to run her fingers through it.

She was sleeping through the night very reliably until teething started. Now we are up once a night for a long feeding.

She JUST went into the 3-6 month clothes. She is a peanut. She has a gorgeous wardrobe, though, thanks to generous friends and family and a treaure trove of both new clothes and hand-me-downs. Dressing her is SO much fun!

She finally discovered her toes, and will chew on them if they are bare.

She likes to be carried around the yard so she can look at the plants.

Daddy likes to nuzzle her with his beard, and it makes her smile. She laughs out loud when he holds her and yells "choo choo," and then jiggles her while making a chugging train noise. It's hilarious to watch. She squeals in delight, whoch makes my heart happy.

She started petting the cat (before he left to go live with grandma). It was amazing that she knew to pet him, and even more amazing that he didn't even seem to mind when she yanked on his fur a few times.

We have to move her out of the bassinet when we move next week. She is officially too big for it. She creeps up during the night, and ends up with her head against the top.

In short, she continues to totally rock.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Saturday, Rated

Saying goodbye to puppy...bad

Finding empty clomid packets in pockets of suits unworn since last winter, just before taking them to the cleaners, then looking at giggling Miss M...very, very good.

Poorly attached diaper allows pooplosion to cover newly washed down comforter and duvet cover...bad

Discovering husband packed food and pictures together in insealed containers, then stored in garage for the winter, resulting in mice onfestation and destruction of family pictures due to mouse pee...very bad.

Sorting crap in humid 90 degree weather...bad.

Sorting crap in humid 90 degree weather while heat is on because new furnace is being installed today, and plumber needs to check operation...very bad.

Saturday is kicking my ass.


As excited as I am, there are hard parts. I spent this morning sobbing, because today my much beloved dog will go and live with a friend. She (the friend) is a total dog person, and loves my dog, so it will be a good fit. I know this is what is best for my dog-she would hate moving to the city, and would hate flying to be with us. Still, it's hard. She's been with us for a long time, and I will miss her terribly. She has been a wonderful protector and companion, and I love her dearly.

The cat already went to live with my MIL. That's not as hard. He's a good cat, and was originally hers, and I'll see him again next week. I think it's easier with him, because his absence isn't as noticeable. My dog is huge, and her absence from the house is so very noticeable when she is not here. The house becomes strangely quiet, and it FEELS like someone is missing, if that makes any sense.

My last day of work was fine. I lost it and cried on a few people (oddly, not even the people I'll miss the most-they were the first people to say goodbye). I don't even know why I cried, because I'm so happy to be free of the job. It's the sadness over the end of an era in my life, I guess. It's knowing I won't be doing this thing I've loved for so long. A client sent me flowers, and I got lots of little gifts. It was sweet. The flowers from the former client mean the most, though, because I was with them through a tragic time in their life, and it means a lot to me that I touched them in an important way. It made me cry when the flowers came. And, I'm crying as I type this. Endings are always hard for me, even though I've been planning this one for a very long time, and am so looking forward to our new life. It's hard to let go of what has been your existance for so long, no matter how tough times have been and no matter how ready you are to move on.

We decided to have a going away party (well, T. agreed to have it-AT OUR HOUSE-the night before the movers come, and THEN told me about it. I am going to be a complete mess, saying goodbye to everyone. I don't know what I was thinking!

It is absolutely pouring out... Weather to match my mood.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Last Day

I am having this weird reality check right now. For more than a year and a half, I've planned, studied, prepared, and waited to get a job I've long dreamed of. For more than six weeks, I've known that a) I got that job, b) I was leaving my current job, c) I was renting my house, and d) I was moving to a city 500+ miles away. But I compartmentalize really well, and I've been caught up with the minutae of packing/moving/sorting/cleaning out/taking care of baby/finishing work/changing insurance and thinking about wills and reappraising things and looking for tenants and on and on an on. . .caught up in all of the details associated with changing jobs and moving. It JUST hit me, as I was standing at the kitchen sink rinsing out bottles, what a HUGE undertaking this all is. It JUST hit me. It is a HUGE change. For the longest time, it's been something that was going to happen, maybe, at some very distant point in the future. But all of a sudden, that day is really here. It's here. Tomorrow is my last day of work. The movers come in a week and a half. In less than two weeks, I will not live here any more, in my beautiful, newly renovated house. In less than two weeks, I will drive away from this house, and I don't know when I will be back. It doesn't seem real.

I have a packed day tomorrow. My office isn't quite cleaned out. I need to tie up a few loose ends. A client wants to meet first thing in the morning to talk about the status of a matter, and the new person isn't up to speed yet, so off I will go to do that. There is one last lunch out with colleagues. I am quite sure that I will run out of day before I will run out of things to do! (And don't even get me started on what a pain it is to find good tenants, and how much time I am spending answering questions and trying to appropriately screen them so we end up with some quiet, neat person who pays their rent on time).

Everywhere I go, I am suddenly struck by it maybe being my "last time." I think "this will be my last time shoppping here," at the grocery store that so conveniently is on my way home from work. "This is my last time buying baby things" at this little store I like so much. "This is my last time" I will sit in "x" type of meeting. "This is my last time" I will see this person. "This is my last time" I will do this task. It isn't sad, exactly, but it IS weird. I've lived this life, this path for so long, I can only think about my new life in the abstract. It's like, I know that it is going to be there, but it's hard to wrap my mind around.

But I just keep thinking, I am giving up something so that I can get something. I am giving up this house, this job, this place so that T. and Miss M. and I will be able to travel and explore and experience new people, places and things. I am letting go of the old so that I may change and evolve and grow. I just have to have faith that the things that we are running toward are at least equal in value to the things we are leaving behind. And I do have faith that this is the right decision, and that it will all work out just fine.

I just have one tiny, crazy fear. It's really, really crazy. I am so excited to move, so excited to start this new job, so excited for this new chapter of my life, that I am terribly afraid that something is going to happen to snatch it all from me. Mostly, I worry that I'm going to die, and not only will I miss the great happiness of starting off on this grand adventure, but my daughter will have to grow up without her mother (and I worry that I won't get all of the insurance coverage in place before that happens). Isn't that truly insane? But this is what I do. . .when there are plenty of perfectly good issues to worry about, I skip over those and go for the crazy.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Weekend Recap

The world continues to spin, and time marches on at a dizzying pace. The movers come two weeks from today. We made progress this weekend, but not as much as I'd have liked to have made. I have four more days of work left, and I am scrambling to get evrything cleared out there, too.

We showed the house for the first time this weekend. They are eager to rent from us, but my Spidey sense is telling me that they are not tenants that we want. They seem really neurotic and high maintenance. I would post some of the ludicrous questions that they asked, but they were so crazy and specific that I'm afraid they might stumble across this post if I did. CRAZY questions, needless to say. I don't need the hassle of crazy tenants. Plus, they are ready to move in immediately upon our departure, and I am suspicious of people who have that kind of availability. So, we'll keep looking. There has been a lot of interest, generated no doubt by the fact that there are few houses for rent in our area, let alone on the price range we are offering, and still fewer willing to allow pets.

And now I'm off for my last week of work.