Utter Chaos

I haven't been writing because I am feeling overwhelmed.  All sorts of things are happening at once, and it's just. . .a lot for me to deal with.  I don't even know what to pay attention to first, and I feel a little bit like a dog chasing flies. . .I bite at the air in one direction, then another, then another, because all of these things are buzzing around me and driving me crazy, but I'm not actually doing much to stop the madness.  I feel like I can't give anything the time it deserves--let alone the people in my life.

The job situation is still not finalized, but it looks like we are headed back to the U.S.  I'm having mixed feelings about it--the job isn't quite what I wanted to do, but the more I think about going back, the more relieved I feel, and so that has made the job seem more appealing.  The last 18 months have been great, but mentally exhausting, and it will be good to recharge my batteries in the U.S.  But since it's not a sure thing (and I may not know for sure until after the holidays!), I'm continuing to interview. . .which sucks.  I'm ready to be done with that part of things.

But even though I'm still interviewing, we have to prepare like we are going back, because it's just about school lottery time.  We are committed to bilingual education for the girls, so that basically means moving in-bounds for a good bilingual public school (which are mostly high-end real estate markets), winning the lottery (literally), or getting a healthy scholarship to a private school.  So I am researching schools like crazy and trying to figure out if I can find time in my schedule to travel back to actually visit the schools we are applying to.

The school search is complicated by a few factors, one of them being that we don't know where we will be living, exactly.  And, until the job thing is set for my husband and I, we don't know exactly how much cash we will have in our housing budget.  Ideally, we'd like to buy a place that needs a bit of work, so we can renovate it and make it our own, then probably sell it.  It gives me a headache to thing about schools and work and potential commute times, because there are so many unknowns still.  And reasonably priced housing is hard to come by, regardless if we were going to rent or buy.

I have to travel for work this week.  I hate leaving the girls and T.  Enough said.

Miss M's school year has come to a close, but she's been asked to attend for the next two weeks, but only for half days.  Can we say logistical issue?

T finally started his new job.  Yes, just as the school year ended.  School doesn't start again until the end of January.  This created a lot of daycare angst for us.  We were going to put SB in preschool, but then realized that would leave Miss M at home by herself, which doesn't make a lot of sense.  So, we added some hours to our nanny's schedule, and then hired a second person to come in for a few hours a day to help play with the kids and basically take the burden off her a little bit.  I know this sounds extravagant, but I'm pulling 11-12 hour days right now, and if I want to spend any time at all with the kids, that means someone else needs to do the laundry and clean the house.  At least if I want to have any shot at keeping my sanity.  And I have been SO spoiled, having a stay-at-home husband.  The household was way more relaxed before he started working.  But, it's also been really healthy for him to get out of the house a little and have a life of his own, and I can't deny that the second income is nice.

We have about 30 people coming for Thanksgiving.  I've bought new plates and glasses and silverware, but haven't planned the menu at all, beyond ordering a turkey and a ham.

We also have 11 people visiting for Thanksgiving week from out of town--5 of them under the age of 5.  We are super excited and can't wait to see everyone.  But, it's also going to be a bit of a madhouse.  The first guests arrive on Saturday.  The guest room is FULL of children's clothes that we are in the process of sorting through, and toy overflow, and odds and ends that we've been storing in there.  It will need to be cleaned out before guests arrive, or they will have nowhere to sleep.

And finally, I will need to have my next round of follow-up in a few weeks re: the tumor/surgery I had last December, and it's started to weigh on me.  I find myself crying at odd times, worrying about the future.  I hate the anxiety associated with the follow-up, and wish I could just relax.

Yeah, so that's what we've got going on.  And I am constantly exhausted.  I booked myself at a nice hotel for my business trip (it was oddly less expensive than the hotel I stayed in last time in the same city, but looks SO much nicer).  Hopefully I'll at least get a good night's sleep.