Argh. . .

I think she has popped back up and is sideways again. How is this possible? I walked for HOURS yesterday. Shouldn't her head be lodged in my pelvis? The contractions have also slowed down. I had almost none today. . .just lots of hands and feet moving around in places where they shouldn't be for a baby who is head down. She always seems to turn while I am sleeping, but I can't seem to figure out how this happens or how I should sleep to prevent it from happening. My doctor said there's nothing I can do while I'm sleeping, but I never accept that for an answer!

I hope I am wrong about her being sideways again, but I don't think so.

A Bit of Good News

After my utter freak out last night, today actually went well. We went in this morning for the manual version. To say that I was not looking forward to it would be an understatement. When we got to the hospital where we are delivering, they brought us to a nice delivery room--the one I hope we get when it's time, the one with the birthing pool.

Did you notice how I said we hope we get the room with the birthing pool when it's time? That's right, we are going for a natural delivery again. The doctor was able to turn her, and based on where her head moved to, she recommended that we NOT use prostaglandins and try to induce today, and that we take a long walk and wait to see how things go, instead!

The midwives who worked with us at the hospital were awesome about making me comfortable. They monitored the baby, who looked great, and then my doctor came in. I was expecting horrible pain and a long procedure. Instead, she covered me in ultrasound gel, there was some rather quick discomfort, and then she proclaimed that the baby was head down (this, from a pretty much straight up-and-down breech position, with the baby's head up and butt and legs down). She held the baby's head down for a few minutes, then the nurse hooked me to the baby monitors again for about a half hour. The doctor checked back in. I was having contractions regularly, but they didn't hurt and didn't go anywhere. The baby's heart rate looked good. So, the doctor wants me to walk a bunch today, and then wants to see me on Friday if I don't go into labor before then.

I would have been on the monitor for an even shorter time, but they brought me breakfast (tea and water and yummy toast with jam). A hospital with a menu that will deliver whatever you want! After I ate, the baby got hiccups, which raised her heart rate, and they wouldn't let me go until she calmed down again.

When we left, we ran into the husband half of a couple that we'd met during the hospital tour a month or so ago. They'd had their baby when we first arrived at the hospital. I'd heard the baby cry just after we got there. I thought that was an amazing coincidence. Then we left. The hospital is a couple of miles from our house, but there are a string of parks in between us, so T and I walked the whole way home through the parks. It was a long, slow walk, but a beautiful day for it, and everything has started to bloom. I came home, took a nap, and now we're going to the zoo. Hopefully, gravity will be my friend, the baby's head will be well engaged, and she won't move out of position again!

Updated to add: The zoo was completely awesome today. Some friends bought us year long memberships as a baby shower gift. Miss M ran from zoo animal to zoo animal, imitating the sound to the animals. She was adorable. She was talking to the lion and calling him "Alex" (we've been watching Madagascar quite a bit lately). She demanded to see the reptiles to see the "snakes and frogs." I love that she has no fear of them. When we went into the house with the zebras, she held her nose, which I've never seen her do before, and proclaimed that "zebras smell yucky." It was really fun to be out with her and see her so engaged. There was a statute of some gorillas in one part of the zoo, and one of the gorillas was holding a baby. She went over and patted the statute, then kissed the baby. It was priceless. We walked around the zoo for an hour and a half (this on top of our hour and a half or so stroll home through the park). We must have done at least 3 miles today, and probably more than 4. I'm pretty sore (my groin muscles in particular, oddly enough), but feel good. I'm having some contractions now that I'm home and sitting (and had some at the zoo today, too), but nothing painful. Hopefully it's all working together to keep her head down overnight. Fingers crossed.

38 Week Appointment

Well, it didn't go as well as I'd hoped at today's appointment. I was pretty sure the baby flipped again this weekend, and I was right. It's her head that's up against my ribs, and her bottom is over on my left. Her back is somewhat against my back, which is why I'm having lower back pain. Her feet are down by my hoo-ha. She is utterly breech in a vertical position, rather than just merely transverse. I am freaking out. We do have a plan, though, which I'll get to in a minute.

I know some people don't care about c-section, or think that it's a big deal. I'm not one of those people. I have terrible reactions to medication (severe vomiting and/or utter unconsciousness tend to be my two primary responses). I become utterly disconnected from the world. I am terrified of the spinal/epidural medication, terrified of being cut open, terrified of the recovery period, terrified of the pain relief drugs during the recovery period, terrified that I won't bond with my baby because of all of the aforementioned, and terrified that I am going to die and leave my two year old and new infant motherless. I am really, really afraid of that last bit. I know it is a reasonably safe surgery--but it's still major surgery. I wish I didn't know all of the bad results that are out there, but they are there, and I do know about them. I'm sure all of those people thought they'd be just fine, too. I am scared. Honestly, I'm sobbing as I type this. I sobbed as I put my two year old to bed tonight, because I am so afraid of what might happen to me tomorrow--I could't help but think the worst: that this could be the last time I put her to bed. I know it's a little crazy, but that's how deep my fear is of all of this.

I've been pretty sure my mucous plug is gradually coming out, and I've been having plenty of contractions. When I had my urine tested today, there was blood in my urine. My doctor thinks it's because I've lost my mucous plug, and based on my contractions and lower abdominal cramping, she thinks I am close to going into labor, so we basically needed to make some decisions today about what to do. She doesn't recommend an attempt at breech delivery (which she's willing to consider), for many reasons. I concur with that--I don't want to try a breech labor with the baby in the position she's in. There's too much of a danger that the cord will get trapped (it's attached to the top of my uterus) and the baby will be injured. She does think we should try to turn the baby (manual version or ECV), before we move to something like c-section. My three options were therefore to a) do nothing; wait and see what happens (knowing that if I don't want to attempt breech labor and she doesn't turn, labor may result in an emergency c-section); b) try to turn her manually; or c) elect to have a c-section. I don't want to wait and see, and I don't want to go right to c-section. The doctor wants to try to turn her tomorrow. Based on how optimistic she was about being able to turn the baby last week, when the baby was in a more favorable position and there was more room, and comparing that to her reaction this week, I don't think she is very optimistic this week about being able to turn her. She did say that the pocket of fluid deep in my pelvis should help (the baby isn't yet pressed down into pelvis toward the cervix), as well as a pocket near her head.

If she can turn her, we can either wait to see if I go into labor, or we can induce. She recommends induction, based on how much the baby has turned back and forth already, because she's afraid of her turning again even if she can get her turned. Even if she turns her, her head won't be engaged, and that's really the only thing that will keep her in place. Plus, she thinks that even if she can get her turned, the baby won't be in quite the right position, so it's unlikely to be as easy as my last birth, but possible to deliver vaginally. So, if she successfully turns the baby tomorrow, she's going to use a prostaglandin gel (inserted vaginally) to try to stimulate labor. They'll monitor me for a while, then send me outside for a walk. If it gets things moving, great. If not, she won't push it with Pitocin, etc., it sounds like. She'll have me go home and we'll see what happens from there.

The great thing is that the doctor is comfortable with natural birth, and willing to work with me. She even recommends all of these other steps, rather than going right to c-section. She also feels like if we've tried all of these things and it doesn't work, then perhaps there's a reason the baby won't come out vaginally. She's been really good to deal with on all of this.

I just tried the moxibustion sticks, but I can't do it myself (can't really reach), and couldn't get T. to take it seriously for long enough to make it worthwhile, so I gave up. I did an inversion, which I've done right before she turned the last few times. Maybe it will work.

Given where we are at, I'm comfortable with the plan. I don't like it, and I'm obviously really upset about it. But I feel like we are making the right choices out of the few that we have. Well, the right choices for us. I'm still really scared, though. I will do my best to stay calm tomorrow, and will go to sleep tonight with my guided imagery cd's. It's all really out of my hands now.

Sunny Sunday

It is a gloriously warm, sunny spring day here (even thought it's really not spring yet). My daffodils are up, and the camellia bushes are in bloom. It's one of those perfect days that's meant for long walks outside. . .if only I weren't trying to avoid going into labor in the next 24 hours.

I had my second truly uncomfortable night in a row last night. I don't know what position the baby has managed to get herself into now, but it's really not comfortable for me. It's the most uncomfortable I've been my entire pregnancy. There is some part (a head? a bum?) literally protruding over my ribs and almost touching my breast on the right side, then some other hard, round part diagonally opposite on the left, kind of directly across from my belly button. I don't think either are feet, though. I'm feeling lots of hand/feet movement down toward my hoo-ha, which is exactly the wrong place for feet to be at this point. And my lower back continues to ache.

I couldn't stand staying inside for one more minute, so I just walked around the corner to the pharmacy and veggie stand. I bought big bunches of daffodils. Such happy flowers. I swung through the bookstore, too, to give baby name books one more eyeball, but lower abdominal cramping sent me scurrying home. Now I'm sitting on the couch with contractions. I guess even a short walk was a bit more than I should have attempted. Hmmm. . .how I am going to make blueberry banana muffins and the casserole I just picked up ingredients for??!

Even though I was looking at baby name books (which were oddly positioned next to college selection books. . .um, really?), we really are set on names, I think. We have two names chosen for her first name, and we've decided we will name her once she's born. For her middle name, I really wanted to do the same thing we did for Miss M: my last name. T. was opposed to this for the longest time, but apparently he and my mother had some sort of conversation about it, and my mother (who never gets involved in things) somehow got him to agree! I hadn't even told my mother we were having that discussion (we keep names to ourselves until the baby is born), so I'm not sure how he ended up having that discussion, or what made him change his mind. I'm happy about that--now both girls will have a little piece of me in their names.

I really want to take Miss M to the park later. Friends sent us one of those tricycles with a push handle behind it, and it's pretty awesome. It has a seat belt and a basket where you can put stuff (like a ball to take to the park). The park is right around the corner, but I wonder if I should risk the walking. I probably will. It's such a nice day out. And it's really just like 18 more hours I have to make it before my doctor returns. In fact, I have an appointment scheduled with her for tomorrow morning. It's going to be interesting to see where this baby has moved to now.

38 Weeks

I don't feel right. I woke up with lower back pain, at the base of my spine. It's a dull ache, really. I'm also having some light abdominal cramping. My legs feel heavy. I'm having plenty of painless but irregular contractions, too. I don't feel like the baby is in quite the right position, though. I feel. . .off.

I cannot have this baby this weekend. Did I mention that my doctor is out of town? The woman works insane hours and never goes away. I cannot possibly go into labor the one weekend she is away.

My weight is an impressive 148.6. How I gained 3 pounds this week, I have no idea. It seems impossible, but there it is.

More TMI: more stringy, mucous-y, possibly plug whitish stuff today when I use the bathroom.

And I am cranky. I just want to be left alone. Except for Miss M, who is snuggled up next to me and keeps giving me kisses, which is exactly what I need.

And The Verdict Is. . .

The acupuncture might have actually worked! I also did an inversion before I went to bed, then slept on my left side all night. When I woke up this morning, I was pretty sure she was head down. After walking around at work all day, I'm fairly confident she is! My figure is even different today. Who knows what might have done it, but if she is indeed head down, I am incredibly happy.

As fair warning, this next bit might be TMI. I've been having some uncomfortable/painful contractions this afternoon. At first, I ignored them. But then I went to the bathroom, and there was something mucousy that may or may not have been mucous plug related. It was clear/white, but thick and stringy. It looked like my mucous plug with Miss M, only that one was tinged pink. This wasn't at all. But I'm feeling kind of crampy, too, with lower abdominal cramps, and I'm having whole belly contractions. Nothing regular, nothing super painful, nothing involving my back. . .but, something.

My doctor is away this weekend, and I have never met the person she has covering for her, although she says that the woman is very much like her in terms of perspective. I really hope I am not going into labor this weekend, as I really like my doctor, and would rather she is there for the delivery.

My due date is two weeks from tomorrow. I still have time, right? This baby won't come this weekend, right?

Okay, good. That's what I thought.

The Great Acupuncture Experiment

It was an interesting appointment today. By "interesting," I mean equal parts promising and weird.

I had picked the clinic based on its location (an area known for its expensive private speciality medical clinics--ie, the high rent district), and it's highly detailed and professional looking website. There were pictures of the practitioners, with detailed and impressive biographies. There was detailed treatment info, price lists, articles. When I called to make my appointment, a professional-sounding receptionist answered the phone with the clinic's name, asked what I wanted done, and scheduled my appointment. It seemed like the kind of place that you'd want to have acupuncture done.

And then I got there. First, there was no sign on the building. I rang the bell, but no one answered. Sure i had written the street number down wrong, I googled the clinic on my smartphone and called the number listed. But instead of answering with the clinic's name, the woman answered by saying the building address. She told me to push the door and come in. I entered into an oversized foyer, and made my way to what appeared to be reception. It was a large spare front room that reminded me of Dickens, with a large table in the middle covered in standard waiting room magazines. In one corner sat an old woman at a wooden desk. When I said I'd been standing out there and no one had answered the bell, she gestured toward a door release button and muttered something about having to run around the big place and not being near the door buzzer all of the time.

She gave me a form to fill out. It was on the clinic's stationary, and looked like a standard medical questionnaire. As I filled it out, though, a woman came in for her appointment. She said, though, that she was there for a "scan." The strange old woman behind the desk said "ah yes, for your visa," and sent her downstairs. When I brought my form back to the woman, she ignored me and kept chatting away with someone who appeared to work in the building. Although I knew the acupuncturist was waiting for me (he'd called), she left me sitting for a bit, and then he finally came out.

When we went into his office, it was a large room that looked much like any doctor's office. There was an examination table, which he kept referring to as a "couch", a desk and a few chairs. However, there were no certifications or identifying information whatsoever on the walls. Given the sharing arrangements even physicians have here, it wasn't entirely weird, but weird enough. It occurred to me that he could be absolutely anyone--the clinic had no signage, he had no documentation, and the office was entirely odd. Nevertheless, I hung in there.

He was a nice enough guy, and seemed knowledgeable about acupuncture. His wife co-edited a book about the use of acupuncture in pregnancy. He'd performed acupuncture on her in advance of her two births, and she had a 5 hour first labor and a 2 hour second labor. I had gone in for moxibustion, but he wanted to talk about acupuncture, in general, to consider me "holistically," as opposed to just in terms of turning the baby. As it turned out, the building doesn't allow the burning of the moxibustion materials, so he was only able to instruct me on how to use the moxibustion sticks and give me instructions. (Note: In coming days, I hope to post all of the aforementioned instructions on line, to save anyone interested the $100 "treatment" fee!). He did propose some acupuncture to help relax me and speed up labor. Since I was there anyway, I figured i might as well give it a go.

I sat in a chair, and he placed a needle in between my thumb and first finger, next to my pinkie toe, in between my big toe and second toe, and on the outside of my leg, just below the knee. The needles inserted next to my pinkie toes, while tiny, hurt going in, and one started to bleed. The ones in my hands felt like they'd gone in to the meat of my thumb, and were a bit uncomfortable after a while. Otherwise, I felt relaxed, but that could have been just from sitting in a quiet room alone for a bit. He left me alone for a while, periodically checking back to make sure I was okay.

A while later, he came back and removed the needles, saying that since it was my first acupuncture session, he didn't want to leave them for too long. I noticed that one of the ones next to my big toe had started to bleed. He threw the needles in a sharps container, and that was that. He recommended that I come back once a week until I deliver, gave me the moxibustion sticks and some instructions, and we were done. I paid the odd old woman at reception in cash, but got a (handwritten) receipt.

It was all very strange. But, I'm open to it working. We'll see what happens. I can't see myself going back there, but maybe it helped to do it today.