Sunday, April 18, 2010

Mother's Day Fiasco

I have waited a long time for my first Mother's Day, and it will soon be upon us. I am looking forward to it. It's exciting for me to be able to celebrate this day. It's sort of special to me, this first Mother's Day.

So imagine my surprise last weekend when my MIL informed me that she and her daughter had decided to throw a baby shower for T's young, pregnant niece on Mother's Day. Now, this is the niece who was using drugs during the early months of her pregnancy, but who has assured her mother and grandmother (who actuallly BELIEVE her) that her doctor says that the drugs didn't hurt the baby, because if they had, she would've had a miscarriage already. [Insert giant eyeroll here.] Needless to say, I'm worried for her baby, and I don't think much of her for doing what she did. In fact, I'm downright angry at her. The reason the shower is going to be on Mother's Day is that someone else is throwing her a shower the day before, and she wanted to just get them all over with at once. Oh, and also, because she was going to be at her mother's house for Mother's Day, anyway, and that way she wouldn't have to make two trips (she lives a whopping one hour drive away, and she is unemployed). I won't even get into how ridiculous I think it is that MIL and SIL have decided to have the shower on Mother's Day.

The invitation to the shower came yesterday. A year or so ago the niece ran into a guy she'd known in high school, and shortly thereafter moved away with him (he's in the military and already once divorced, despite being about 20 years old; she had allegedly been a lesbian before moving away with him--I feel like a crotchedy old woman when I say this, but I don't get kids today). She married him shortly after that without really telling anyone in the family, but that's a whole other story. My point here is that this whole situation is a bit of a train wreck. Anyway, her mother spelled her last name wrong on the invitation. Seriously. I only discovered this when I tried to find her baby registry online, and couldn't. Given all of the circumstances, I suspected that perhaps the name was spelled wrong on the invitation, and started playing around with different spellings of the last name until I finally located her registry.

When I did find the registry, I was shocked at the contents. She registered for about four thousand bibs, including one that said something like "My mom is hot," and three pairs of infant shoes, but no bouncy seat, no bath stuff, no baby swing. It lists specific instructions regarding colors and patterns that she does and does not like (and actually says not to buy certain colors!), but clearly no thought went into car seat or stroller, as she registered for one of the crappiest ones on the market. She registered for bowls and spoons and a high chair, but only for 10 bottles and four nipples (and she plans to feed formula, and I know she doesn't have any baby stuff yet).

I'll just say it now: I'm offended. I know I should just let it go. She's young, she's stupid, and this baby is coming anyway, and I should just be supportive of the baby. I just can't help it, though. We struggled to have Miss M., and she is so very wanted and so very loved. It angers me to see this young, stupid girl be so thoughtless in every way when it comes to her baby.

A Mother's Day baby shower for this girl is more than I can handle. I feel incredibly guilty about it, because it's going to be a very small shower, but I have no plans to attend. I just can't do it. I am not going to spend one of my precious weekend days with my daughter, my very first Mother's Day, with someone who cares so little for the child they are about to have.

I do want to buy the baby a nice gift, though, because it's not the baby's fault that it is being born to such a thoughtless child-woman. I'm not buying any of the crap on the baby registry, though. I'm giving her a ton of hand-me-downs, too, as I am awash in them, and don't need everything I've been given. We'll probably give her some diapers, too. As for the actual baby gift, I know what I think the most useful baby items I own are, but I'd love to hear what people thought was the most useful item (big or little) that they got for their baby. I want to buy her something really useful, because she won't have the money to buy herself much of anything, and she clearly has no sense of what she needs. Also, I'd love to hear your thoughts on best diaper brand. I've heard Target diapers are really good, but we haven't tried them.


Amy said...
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~Jess said...

I don't blame you for not going, I wouldn't either. I would say two of the most indispensable things we have were her bouncy (which she is too big for) and her swing (plug in). They are and were sanity savers. Oh, and the Fisher Price Rain forest deluxe gym.

Heather said...

I'm very glad that you are not going to let yourself be pressured into going. Your first Mother's Day should be spent with your baby. And it's funny, I was also thinking you should send a nice gift before I got to that part of your post. I agree with others here with what I loved: bouncy seat, baby gym, and swing. They are all possibilities to choose from. Our bouncy seat (we got two since we had twins) from our registry is the Fisher Price one that converts to a big kid chair. We had the older version for our 9-year-old daughter and she loved it.