Being Heard

I'm grouchy.

It's been impossible to have a private conversation with my husband while he's been at his mother's house, in part because her house is open concept, and in part because he's always got one eye on Miss M. I've been looking forward to today, because my aunt was babysitting Miss M. and he was supposed to be by himself at our house that we own, doing some work in preparation for new tenants. Only, every time I called him today, there was someone different visiting him at the house. I know I shouldn't be annoyed by this, and I'm on the one hand glad that he had a chance to visit with so many people. On the other hand, I'm completely annoyed.

There have been family things going on while he's been in the U.S., but he hasn't been able to tell me about them due to the lack of privacy. I have no idea what is going on. I want to know. I want to know what he's in the middle of, and what's going to be expected of me when I arrive (or better yet, what kind of mess I'll be arriving to). I want to know what our daughter is being exposed to. I want to know what decisions and actions he's undertaken in light of what's going on. And. . .nothing. It's so frustrating being in the dark.

But even more than all of that, I just want to talk to my husband in the way that a wife talks to her husband. I want to have a personal conversation where he is focusing on me and what I'm saying, and vice versa. I want to talk about everything and nothing, just for maybe thirty minutes. It's a relatively small thing that I need. I am just at a point in my week where I really need to be heard. I need to be heard by him, in particular. I was so looking forward to him having a little pocket of time for me today, to having this little conversation where it was just us, and we could mutually unload and be together, and it's just not going to happen. Even worse, I don't know when I will get to have a real conversation with him.

See? Grouchy.