Sunday, September 29, 2013

The Middle of the Night

I've been laying here for hours, in the dark.  The facts run through my mind over and over again.  What happened?  What happened?  What happened?  Whathappenedwhathappenedwhathappened??? Over and over and over.  And yet I don't know, and this isn't helping.  I'm exhausted, and wish I could rid my head of this whole thing.  And I'm annoyed because I can't sleep, and I'll be exhausted in three hours when SB wakes up, and morning time with the girls is my favorite thing in the world, and    I won't be in top form for them.  I feel like this thing that has happened keeps robbing me.

I need to take my life, our lives, back from this thing.  I think I need to stop talking about it.  I know talking helps some people, but for me, for this, it just creates more stress.  I feel compelled to tell what little I know, to try to protect others, but I don't think I'm really helping anyone.  I have too little information and no answers, really--just terrible injuries and facts that don't add up, and some people seem to want concrete proof before they take any action or make changes.  Which frankly, also stresses me out.  I see danger, and some others do not seem to, and that makes me feel invisible and unheard.

And so I lay here in thet dark, awake and exhausted.  Well, tomorrow is a new day.

1 comment:

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Oh hon, I hope you got to sleep. I hope that life calms down, that you get answers or -- at the very least -- emotional peace.