The Second Act

Aside from a few posts I have managed to squeak out over the last few weeks, I have been away from the internet. With the big move, the new job, the second new city in four months, a new routine, and the crappy internet that I am inflicted with until my real internet is installed (in two MORE weeks--damn European utilities!), blogging and blog reading has been all but impossible (oh, and I don't have a cell phone yet, which is how I was reading blogs, for the most part, which has complicated matters further--curses to the European utilities and banking industry, again). I must say, I have really missed this community. I promise that I'll be catching up on reading and commenting in coming weeks, as the dust settles around my new life. I hope wonderful things are happening out there.

As for me, I truly feel as though I am in the harbor of my life as I have entered this second act. I have this amazing baby that continues to thrill and astonish me every day (there will be an upcoming post all about her). I have a wonderful husband, who has been lovely and accommodating, even though this move isn't nearly as easy for him as it's been for me (it's hard to meet people in a new city when you are the man home with the baby). We are living in a gorgeous place, where I have a cozy, proper office that looks out over a garden, from which I am typing right now. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the roses are even still blooming here. It is a magical time in my life.

That's not to say that everything is perfect (the non-perfect parts, too, will be the subject of an upcoming post). But it is very, very good. I feel like the struggle and strife and difficulty of the last few years has finally given way--like it all finally paid off. I feel like I went through all of that turmoil so that I could get here. Sometimes it takes my breath away, how lucky I am. When I nuzzle soft fuzzy baby hair, when I hear her giggles, when I wake to her giant grin. . .I just think of how blessed I am. On top of that, to have tried for almost 18 months to get a job that I hoped would be fabulous, and then to get that job, and find it every bit as fabulous as I had imagined it would be--there is something so powerful about that. I am so proud of myself that I stuck with it, that I worked hard to get somewhere, and that I actually achieved all of this. To be living in a European city is also such a gift (even despite the recent terrorism warnings). Yesterday, we strolled for hours through parks and city streets, stopping occasionally for cappuccino or pastries or gelato, and it was just magnificent. We didn't do anything terribly unusual--it was rather ordinary, in fact, but it was beautifully, enjoyably ordinary in a way that I cannot even put into words. I feel like I am living whole again. I guess that is it--I feel whole, for the first time in a very long time. In fact, perhaps for the first time ever.

As we meandered down a quiet wooded path yesterday, through an enormous park, I commented to T. that it feels as though it's been years since we left our home in New England, since I worked at my old job, but it's been just four months. These have been the longest shortest four months of my life, by which I mean that they feel long because we packed so much in, but they just flew by--dissolved. Since mid-June, we have lived in two different major cities, I have gone through three different sets of training, we have met two different sets of people (and still continue to), we have finished a major renovation of our house, we have packed up all of our things and moved hundreds of miles (twice!) and through it all, we had an infant who grew and changed and thrived despite the chaos. Looking back, it seems impossible that we jumped off that cliff and trusted that we would fly, but we did, and I must say, the views are just amazing. It feels so good to soar.

Morning Drama

I was reading something a while ago, and it said something along the lines of "everyone's baby eventually rolls off the bed." And I was like, "oh my--not mine!!!" Because, you know, I am super neurotic, and I would never let anything like that happen.

Yeah.

So this morning, I turned around for a second to dig out the ointment because Miss M has a diaper rash all of a sudden (her first, which is a whole other story). I turned back only to see her turn and giggle at me as she hurled herself off the side of the bed. She didn't just roll off--she dove!!! I managed to get my hands on her legs as she was going over, which broke the fall a bit, but she still landed head first. Luckily, the bed isn't very high and the floor is well padded.

I think she was more scared than anything, and she started wailing. I felt horrible, of course, but all i could think was "she's got a head injury or a neck injury." I put her down immediately so I could check her out, which only made the crying worse, because of course she was find and just wanted to be cuddled. In hindsight this seems a little crazy, but I was freaking out that she'd really hurt herself. She was fine 60 seconds later, but it took me a bit longer to calm down.

The toddler years are going to send ME over the edge!

Postcard From Europe

You know how you can't fit much on a post card? That's kind of like what this post is going to be like, because I am tired and feel like I am coming down with something.

But still, I wanted to update, because it's been FOREVER!!!

We had a blissfully uneventful trip over. Miss M. was a delight on the plane--she fell asleep just as we took off, slept for a few hours, then was awake for a few (and flirted with the man next to her the whole time), then slept again. I think the key was ensuring that she had the pacifier in during every bit of takeoff and landing, and making sure we had a bunch of toys with us. I found pacifier clips on Amazon that can be used to firmly attach toys to carseats, and they worked like a dream while we were in transit.

The last few weeks have been a blur of starting a new job (again), unpacking, and exploring our new city. My employer found our housing, and we have been delighted with the quality and location. It's the kind of neighborhood I've always wanted to live in, too, with loads of fabulous amenities nearby. We are having a blast here. Miss M is just delightful--crawling at the speed of light, pulling up on everything (and, a week and a half shy of 9 months old, letting go--she is anxious to walk, and determined. . .I really did get the restless child that I was, much to my chagrin). She makes a beeline for all the things we don't want her near: stairs, electrical cords, sharp corners on furniture, dead spiders. She laughs and smiles all of the time. . .except when she doesn't get her way, in which case, she fake cries. When I call her on the fake crying, she gives me a shit-eating grin, as if she just knows she's been busted. She is a delightful handful.

So, things are good. I find that I am. . .happy. . .here. It feels so odd to say. As months pass, and I continue to shed my old self, I have been recognizing just how toxic certain aspects of my old life were. It is so refreshing, so much fun to start over. I knew it would be good for me, but I truly had no idea how much I would enjoy this. I thought it would be hard, I thought it would be a challenge, and it is both of those things at times. But it never occurred to me that it would be so much FUN to move to a new place, live in a new country, try a new profession, work with new people. Every day is such a joy. I feel so blessed, to have this husband, this baby, this job, this LIFE. It feels so good, and it is nice to finally feel so good. I think I became so beaten down for so long in my old life (and principally by my old job) that I no longer recognized that life could be this good. I am so glad I made this leap of faith.

And We're Off!

Waiting to board the airplane now. . .baby's first flight!!! Hopefully, this will go well. She's eaten and taken a little baby Tylenol. Wish I was in such good shape. . .ran out of time and didn't get a chance to pump! So uncomfortable!!!

May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!

And We're Off!

Waiting to board the airplane now. . .baby's first flight!!! Hopefully, this will go well. She's eaten and taken a little baby Tylenol. Wish I was in such good shape. . .ran out of time and didn't get a chance to pump! So uncomfortable!!!

May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!

And We're Off!

Waiting to board the airplane now. . .baby's first flight!!! Hopefully, this will go well. She's eaten and taken a little baby Tylenol. Wish I was in such good shape. . .ran out of time and didn't get a chance to pump! So uncomfortable!!!

May be a bit before we have internet once we get there. But, see you soon on the other side of the pond!

It's a Rollercoaster

I am alternating between being blissfully happy and completely losing my shit, sometimes in the same 5 minutes. I am a little disappointed in myself that I feel this way, but in my more rational moments, I know this is probably normal on the eve to a move to a completely different continent. Aside from the obvious stress, my to-do list contains about a million things left on it. Like, canceling my cell phone contract (their website is suspiciously absent of information on how to do this; I know that we should be able to do it without a fee, but the details are lost on me). It's mostly just little stuff, but boy, there is a lot of it.

We aren't moving to Borneo-sorry to my commenter-I would have loved someone nearby! We're headed to Europe. Don't get me wrong-I'm ecstatic about the assignment, in a big picture sense. It's just that right now, I am utterly mired in details, and the drudgery of moving again. Oh, and every time I think of traveling with a baby, divine though she is, I get a little overwhelmed. I have visions of a screaming, pooplosions, lost luggage...aaahhhhh, so relaxing, this new life!