I still haven't sorted out the financial piece regarding the preschool. The school's been closed for spring break, so I'm hoping to get that squared away tomorrow. They sent me reams of paperwork, which I need to sit down and complete before tomorrow. Unfortunately, although I haven't worked in a week, I also have not accomplished anything--we have been the house of sick: both kids were terribly ill this week, one with a random virus and the other with the flu. It's been exhausting, and I haven't slept through the night in forever.
On the bright side, SB, who has been in pull-ups at night for the last year, up and decided she was too big to wear them any more. I was worried, because she had woken up dry exactly never. I mean, NEVER. But she insisted she could do it, so I let her try, and. . .she's woken up dry for the last 4 nights in a row. I am amazed. It literally was like she just had to put her mind to it. We've limited liquids after dinner, but otherwise made no changes. It's pretty remarkable to think that she could do it if she just tried hard enough. I totally thought it was developmental. Huh.
And now on to the core subject of this post (the rambling is due to the sleep deprivation): We just received our school lottery results for next year. We did fairly poorly this year. Last year we had really good lottery numbers and got into a couple of schools, but this year, not so much. It's not even just that we didn't get in anywhere; we also have high lottery numbers on the wait lists, unlike last year. In other words, there is little hope we'll get in anywhere decent. Now we have to make hard choices. Miss M could continue at the current bilingual school, but I've lost all faith in the administration after our experiences with SB. Plus, it's been a weird year socially for Miss M. Part of it is that her class is boy-heavy, and she'd been in an all-girls school before this. She is bothered by how "poorly behaved" the boys are. I say it with quotes, because I think from her description that the boys are acting like normal 5-6 year old boys, and she just doesn't know what that's like. But she finds it distracting. Plus, she's. . .I don't know how to say it. . .Mature? for her age? She's a kid who's lived on three continents and had a wide array of life experiences that have given her an unusual perspective for a six year old. I didn't think that would matter in kindergarten, but I think I was wrong.
But anyway, we didn't get into another bilingual school. To be fair, I only lotteried for a few really great schools that I thought we'd leave our current school for, because the lottery stuff was all due before all of this stuff happened with SB. At that point, I thought we could make it through the year. The teacher she'd have next year is pretty amazing. Sigh. The only realistic option is for us to enroll Miss M in our local school that we have a right to attend (it's a very good school, but not bilingual, and it's overcrowded). SB will likely get a spot there, as well, because they give siblings preference.
There are two flies in this ointment: One, it means we would pull both of them from bilingual school. They both have great Spanish, and multiple teachers at the school (not SB's, obviously, but others who know them both and know that we've been thinking about leaving) have implored us to ensure they stay in bilingual schools. And two, in order to ensure that SB gets a spot anywhere at all in public preschool, we'd have to ensure that Miss M actually attends our local school. SB only gets the preference if Miss M actually attends.
Although I'm not holding out much hope that Miss M or SB will get into a bilingual school from a wait list, we applied to one private bilinguals school for Miss M when it became clear that socially her current school was a weird fit. This private school is very expensive, and we would need some grace for it to all work out there, but it's really a perfect school for her. It really felt like her tribe. She was wait listed, but after she was wait listed, the director set up an appointment with us, and told us how much they liked her, and that if a spot opened up, it is almost certainly hers. They had no available spaces this year, but know that one of their current students may be leaving. They won't know for sure for another couple of months, though. They've told us what a "leader" they feel she is, and encouraged us to "hang in there" and wait for them. There is the slimmest of chances that the planets will align for this to happen, but if it did, SB would lose her spot at our most realistic public preschool slot. There is also the slimmest of chances that Miss M could get into a good public school bilingual program, and the most likely scenario with those would be that even sibling preference would not help SB, because competition for those schools is so fierce.
If either of those last scenarios were to happen, we'd have two options for SB: hold out for one of the schools where we are wait listed, or go private. As much as I'd love to, we can't swing two private school tuitions. It would be $60,000 or so for one year, and that's just not in the cards. As for the schools where we are wait listed, for SB our most promising options are unfortunately Montessori. I like Montessori, but I don't think it's the right program for SB. I applied because. . .well, some less than ideal options are better than no options. The schools do Montessori well, but my concern is that SB needs external structure. Internally, she doesn't have a whole lot of self-discipline. I think it would probably be a disaster, and this really needs to be a year where she grows in a lot of ways.
It's so hard to know. SB did very well at her preschool in South America. It's hard to know how much of what we are experiencing is her age, how much of it is her personality/inflexibility, how much of it is how she's been treated while at school and how she has internalized that, how much of it is how we are parenting her at home. . .but we are in a hard space. She is really down on herself, and I feel like we have to put an end to this negative spiral and get her back to a positive place. That's going to be key.
So we are moving the pieces around the board, trying to figure out the best way forward. So far, I don't like any of our moves.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Friday, March 25, 2016
Amazing Visit
We visited the potential new school yesterday, and it was. . .pretty close to perfect. There was giant, beautiful playground space--creative, hand-built stuff that is SO MUCH FUN. The kids play outside for a couple of hours a day. There are two certified teachers in each classroom. There are animals: bunnies, dogs, birds. They have a science lab. It is bright, beautiful space. They seem very nurturing and child-focused, and were so very focused on and concerned about our child's well-being. And they were so very, very kind to us. I can't tell you how much I valued their concern for our daughter, and for what she's experienced this year.
We haven't worked out all of the financial details (indeed, they sent me a contract for the full year's tuition, which I pray is NOT what they want me to pay!), but that's the only thing that remains. I'm a bit worried about that part. It wouldn't be rationale to ask me to pay the entire tuition with two months left in the school year, right? I have irrational angst that somehow they are going to ask me to do that. But this is the only thing we have to sort out, and I'm hopeful that we can make this work.
Honestly, I am allowing myself the tinniest glimmer of hope that we have found a solution that is going to let SB be herself, be happy, feel supported and cared for. I slept well last night for the first time in many months.
We haven't worked out all of the financial details (indeed, they sent me a contract for the full year's tuition, which I pray is NOT what they want me to pay!), but that's the only thing that remains. I'm a bit worried about that part. It wouldn't be rationale to ask me to pay the entire tuition with two months left in the school year, right? I have irrational angst that somehow they are going to ask me to do that. But this is the only thing we have to sort out, and I'm hopeful that we can make this work.
Honestly, I am allowing myself the tinniest glimmer of hope that we have found a solution that is going to let SB be herself, be happy, feel supported and cared for. I slept well last night for the first time in many months.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
School Drama
Well, hello there!
Life in America continues to be incredibly busy. More on that another time. Today, I need to talk about school. Specifically, SB's school situation. As I wrote last time, she's had a tough year. We've been limping along, trying to make it to the end of the school year at her current school, because the PK-4 teacher is pretty great. But increasingly, it became clear that we just. . .can't stay.
SB's teacher has been increasingly hostile to us. We've tried to keep it super positive, asking her in parent teacher conferences to be our partner and to work with us. It fell on deaf ears. She would promise to work with us, and then the very next day, it was back to the same old stuff. She insisted SB nap, for example, and the child hasn't needed to nap in more than a year. If SB didn't nap, she received the message that she was "naughty." The teacher claimed that there wasn't anything she was saying or doing to make SB think that, but the persistent, pervasive message came from somewhere. SB is really starting to internalize that she is a "bad" kid. Some of the lines she regurgitated at home also clearly came from things some adult at school told her, as it wasn't her vocabulary. I've been astounded that a major American school system could have professionals who are so. . .unprofessional.
We made an appointment maybe six or eight weeks ago with a well-regarded behavioral pediatrician, to talk through some of the things that have been going on. One of the things we've learned this year is that SB has more than ordinary difficulty with change. She also has some self-regulation issues, in addition to being very high energy, and can be inflexible. These things are just part of who our lovely, rambunctious, sweet girl is, and things we've been working with her on at home. But the teacher has been so unwilling to work with us, and SB has been so unhappy about being at school that we felt like we needed professional advice to help us sort through whether it would be better to withdraw her from school now, or to let her ride out the school year, given her personality. Or maybe put another way, to help us sort through what was the lesser evil. And this, of course, is all setting aside whether we could even find a spot for her at this point in the year.
To be honest, I expected the doctor to tell us that given her personality, it was better not to change schools at this point in the year. I mean, that's a major change with two months in the school year, and then she would have to make another major change for summer break. But when we met with the doctor, he was taken aback by some of the things we told him. I won't get into detail here, because some of the things that have happened are so specific as to be googleable, but he basically said that he'd never heard anything like one of the things that had happened, in particular. He said he came into the meeting prepared to suggest that we consider hiring someone to come into the classroom to work with the classroom teacher on additional skills that might be useful to her (who knew that was even possible), but that what we were telling him was too far beyond that point. He recommended we take her out of the school now.
That was a week or so ago. He gave us a list of schools that he thought might be a good fit for SB. Some of them we immediately ruled out, as they were half day programs (with two working parents, not doable), or otherwise didn't work, location-wise. Some had no slots. I toured one yesterday morning, and felt like it would be a poor fit. Finally, mid-day yesterday, I connected with a school that I think would be a very good match. It is insanely expensive, but at this point, that is almost an irrelevant consideration. We can't put a price tag on SB's wellbeing.
As I was emailing the school director about a meeting time for today, my phone rang. It was SB's school. The woman calling was the acting principal. She hemmed and hawed, and I literally had no idea what she was talking about. I had to tell her several times that I didn't understand why she was calling, because she was being so vague and circular. Finally, I got the story out of her, and it dawned on me that she was being very careful for liability reasons: SB's teacher was seen hitting her, and they had initiated a police investigation.
Shockingly, they declined to remove the teacher from the classroom during the investigation. They said that the police had talked to some witnesses, and no one could corroborate the hitting, and they had already spoken to SB, and she had denied that it had happened. This call was at about 4pm. T had already picked the kids up from school by the time the acting principal called me. They didn't mention one word to him. I cannot even imagine what they were thinking, on so many levels. I get that teachers have rights, but their first job is to protect children.
The principal also asked me if SB had said anything at home, and I burst into tears. A week or so ago, she told me that her teacher had hit her. It was in passing, and I could get no more details out of her, so I just thought it was one of those things that kids randomly say. She often complains about children who won't play with her, or another child hitting her, and I just. . .let it go. I feel terrible.
I told the woman this, and I also told her that SB won't be returning to the school. I told her that SB's teacher has no place teaching preschool (it's only her second year as a preschool teacher). I told her that we have had issues all year, and we are done. It's not the first time that I've expressed my dissatisfaction to the school administration. They have seemed really ill-equipped to address substantive issues, unfortunately. She seemed at a loss for words, and mumbled something about doing what they could to help us find another spot for her.
Hopefully, our appointment today at the private preschool will go well. Hopefully, it will be a good match. Hopefully, we can make a positive change for SB.
Honestly, I never imagined that moving back to America would involve this kind of drama.
Life in America continues to be incredibly busy. More on that another time. Today, I need to talk about school. Specifically, SB's school situation. As I wrote last time, she's had a tough year. We've been limping along, trying to make it to the end of the school year at her current school, because the PK-4 teacher is pretty great. But increasingly, it became clear that we just. . .can't stay.
SB's teacher has been increasingly hostile to us. We've tried to keep it super positive, asking her in parent teacher conferences to be our partner and to work with us. It fell on deaf ears. She would promise to work with us, and then the very next day, it was back to the same old stuff. She insisted SB nap, for example, and the child hasn't needed to nap in more than a year. If SB didn't nap, she received the message that she was "naughty." The teacher claimed that there wasn't anything she was saying or doing to make SB think that, but the persistent, pervasive message came from somewhere. SB is really starting to internalize that she is a "bad" kid. Some of the lines she regurgitated at home also clearly came from things some adult at school told her, as it wasn't her vocabulary. I've been astounded that a major American school system could have professionals who are so. . .unprofessional.
We made an appointment maybe six or eight weeks ago with a well-regarded behavioral pediatrician, to talk through some of the things that have been going on. One of the things we've learned this year is that SB has more than ordinary difficulty with change. She also has some self-regulation issues, in addition to being very high energy, and can be inflexible. These things are just part of who our lovely, rambunctious, sweet girl is, and things we've been working with her on at home. But the teacher has been so unwilling to work with us, and SB has been so unhappy about being at school that we felt like we needed professional advice to help us sort through whether it would be better to withdraw her from school now, or to let her ride out the school year, given her personality. Or maybe put another way, to help us sort through what was the lesser evil. And this, of course, is all setting aside whether we could even find a spot for her at this point in the year.
To be honest, I expected the doctor to tell us that given her personality, it was better not to change schools at this point in the year. I mean, that's a major change with two months in the school year, and then she would have to make another major change for summer break. But when we met with the doctor, he was taken aback by some of the things we told him. I won't get into detail here, because some of the things that have happened are so specific as to be googleable, but he basically said that he'd never heard anything like one of the things that had happened, in particular. He said he came into the meeting prepared to suggest that we consider hiring someone to come into the classroom to work with the classroom teacher on additional skills that might be useful to her (who knew that was even possible), but that what we were telling him was too far beyond that point. He recommended we take her out of the school now.
That was a week or so ago. He gave us a list of schools that he thought might be a good fit for SB. Some of them we immediately ruled out, as they were half day programs (with two working parents, not doable), or otherwise didn't work, location-wise. Some had no slots. I toured one yesterday morning, and felt like it would be a poor fit. Finally, mid-day yesterday, I connected with a school that I think would be a very good match. It is insanely expensive, but at this point, that is almost an irrelevant consideration. We can't put a price tag on SB's wellbeing.
As I was emailing the school director about a meeting time for today, my phone rang. It was SB's school. The woman calling was the acting principal. She hemmed and hawed, and I literally had no idea what she was talking about. I had to tell her several times that I didn't understand why she was calling, because she was being so vague and circular. Finally, I got the story out of her, and it dawned on me that she was being very careful for liability reasons: SB's teacher was seen hitting her, and they had initiated a police investigation.
Shockingly, they declined to remove the teacher from the classroom during the investigation. They said that the police had talked to some witnesses, and no one could corroborate the hitting, and they had already spoken to SB, and she had denied that it had happened. This call was at about 4pm. T had already picked the kids up from school by the time the acting principal called me. They didn't mention one word to him. I cannot even imagine what they were thinking, on so many levels. I get that teachers have rights, but their first job is to protect children.
The principal also asked me if SB had said anything at home, and I burst into tears. A week or so ago, she told me that her teacher had hit her. It was in passing, and I could get no more details out of her, so I just thought it was one of those things that kids randomly say. She often complains about children who won't play with her, or another child hitting her, and I just. . .let it go. I feel terrible.
I told the woman this, and I also told her that SB won't be returning to the school. I told her that SB's teacher has no place teaching preschool (it's only her second year as a preschool teacher). I told her that we have had issues all year, and we are done. It's not the first time that I've expressed my dissatisfaction to the school administration. They have seemed really ill-equipped to address substantive issues, unfortunately. She seemed at a loss for words, and mumbled something about doing what they could to help us find another spot for her.
Hopefully, our appointment today at the private preschool will go well. Hopefully, it will be a good match. Hopefully, we can make a positive change for SB.
Honestly, I never imagined that moving back to America would involve this kind of drama.
Monday, January 11, 2016
Random Update
I can't believe I haven't posted an update since October. I mean, I CAN believe it, because life in America is SO BUSY. But I can't believe I've let it go so long.
So. . .a quick update, before I run off to cook dinner for tonight (it's 5:30 am, but the only chance I'll have to make sure everyone eats a decent dinner), shower, get the kids ready for school, start our 90 minute home-school drop off-work commute, and then pack in a full day of work.
The kids are good, although they still miss our old life in South America, and talk frequently about how they'd like to return. SB continues to dislike school, and in particular her teacher, who has to be the least nurturing preschool teacher in the history of preschool. The teacher is loathed by pretty much all of the parents (albeit for different reasons--for us, it's because she has no idea how to deal with a high energy kid, and totally can't deal). All of us agree that she should not be teaching preschool. But I can't pull her out of school because a) our nanny returned home about two months ago, after it became clear that her personal problems back in her home country were overwhelming her; b) I can't find a new preschool in this area at this point in the year, because preschool slots are like gold around here; and c) if I pull her out now, I would lose her spot in the school for next year, and the teacher she'd have next year totally rocks. So we are dealing with it, for now, and it is getting s smidge better. But still. . .she has told the school that they are not nice, she prefers her teachers in our old city, and she'd like to return there. They were not amused, although I was. It may not be polite, but at least the kid has no trouble expressing herself.
Miss M turned six on Saturday. She is wonderful and lovely and hilarious. However, it's been a mixed bag for her here, too. She misses her posse of girlfriends from her old school, and often talks about how she would like to return. She refers to our time in our old city as her "happiest place ever," which makes me sad. I know it's only been four months, really, and we have to give it time for her to make friends and fit in, but still. . .I wish she were really happy here. Plus, this city is really transient, and with the use of the school lottery, school populations are really unstable, with constant coming and going, so there will not necessarily be any continuity in her classroom next year. And she's had a long term sub for most of the year (who she loved--awesome teacher!), although her "regular" teacher has just returned. It's been a bit chaotic. More soon on our plans for next year--a subject of much angst.
And then there is me. Work is great--love my job (most of the time), and am working (waaaaay too much!) on stuff that I find really interesting. But unfortunately, I went in for my annual checkup of the tumor situation I had two years ago, and the doctor said that I should have had more aggressive surgery two years ago. I am freaked out beyond belief, and worried about what this means, and if the c-word will return, and if I will live to see my kids grow up. And I'm facing more surgery. At this point, it's to be on the safe side (there is no evidence anything is wrong), but it's also partially exploratory, and if they find anything, they will likely pour chemo directly into my abdomen during the surgery (the only known treatment that has a shot of working with this condition). So, I will wake up from surgery not knowing how it went or how much they will have had to have done. Which freaks me out, frankly. But I suppose it's better than needing two surgeries. I'm having a hard time dealing, and I tabled the entire thing until after the holidays. Which is now.
So that is what is up with us. More soon!
Sunday, October 25, 2015
the Joy of Finally Going To The Trouble Of
My to-do list is always a mile long. I can barely get all of the "musts" done, let alone the optional "but it would make me happy" stuff. I typically find myself spending more money than I should on things that I need, because it solves the problem quickly. It strikes me that you either need a lot of time, or a lot of money, in order to keep up in the crazy pace of America.. Or maybe you need better organizational skills than I possess.
Anyway, I often find that when I finally go to the trouble of doing some of the things that have been lingering on my to do list, my life is easier, lighter, better in some small way, and I think "why didn't't I do that sooner?!"
Which brings us to The Girl on TheTrain. I have wanted to read it for months, but I refused to buy it, because we live near an awesome public library, and they had a million copies. Only, there was a long wait list, and I hadn't figured out how to add myself. And I hadn't managed to figure out the digital lending thing either (are you sensing a theme?). But then I read this blog post by Julia, and I was inspired to try to finally get myself set up digitally, and it took all of ten minutes to set it up and put myself on the waitList. And I was number two! And time flew by, and now it's my turn, and with a quick click, the book is mine all mine.
Ten minutes. Why didn't't I get to this sooner?
Anyway, I often find that when I finally go to the trouble of doing some of the things that have been lingering on my to do list, my life is easier, lighter, better in some small way, and I think "why didn't't I do that sooner?!"
Which brings us to The Girl on TheTrain. I have wanted to read it for months, but I refused to buy it, because we live near an awesome public library, and they had a million copies. Only, there was a long wait list, and I hadn't figured out how to add myself. And I hadn't managed to figure out the digital lending thing either (are you sensing a theme?). But then I read this blog post by Julia, and I was inspired to try to finally get myself set up digitally, and it took all of ten minutes to set it up and put myself on the waitList. And I was number two! And time flew by, and now it's my turn, and with a quick click, the book is mine all mine.
Ten minutes. Why didn't't I get to this sooner?
Monday, October 19, 2015
The Festival
I had Friday off from work. We had received multiple flyers touting the school "festival," which was also supposed to function as a fundraiser for field trips. Of course, they only gave us about a week's notice, and they wanted us to make food. Not just any food, but rather food that was representative of our heritage. This amused me. We are from northern New England. What is our "heritage" food? Shellfish? I asked the girls what they wanted to bring, and one said macaroni and cheese, and the other said cake, so that is what we brought. Hey, it was homemade Mac 'n cheese!
We were also invited to a lunch with SB's class. There were supposed to be games that you could pay to play, with morning events and afternoon ones. Anyway, when we got there with our food, I discovered that only two people from Miss M's class had brought anything, and one item was fruit cups from the store. There were few or any parents there. sB's class was a bit better--most parents had brought something, but only three or four were actually present. I began to wonder how the fundraiser was going to work, without parents present to pay for games. It turned out that there were not any games. The classes went into several other classrooms for a few minutes, but they did things like read books and watch a video about fall. It was really disorganized.
Then we got to lunch. In addition to bringing the food, we had to pay $7 to eat the food with our kids! I was a little put off. We were invited to a lunch and asked to bring something for a potluck. Then, the teacher had our kids' art and photos everywhere, and she expected us to buy everything. She went so far as to take the photos and approach me when I didn't immediately open my wallet. I ended up shelling out $25 for the day, which was fine, but there are a lot of low income students at the school. Our preschool teacher seemed to be driving the whole thing, and I don't know what she was thinking. She also gave my husband a hard time for not contributing more.
Anyway, it was super disorganized, but it gave me a chance to see SB in school all day. It was hard to see, but helpful. She's not herself at all. Rather, she was sad and anxious all morning, even with me there. She was terrified that I was going to leave her, even after I had reassured her that I was staying all day. She was a bit tearful. In short, she was not my exuberant, happy handful of a child at all. I quickly could see why. Her teacher is cruel. She's not working with her at all--she's beating her down. At one point early on, SB didn't want to sit on the rug with the other kids, and the teacher told her that if she didn't behave, I was going to leave! I was completely horrified.
In the afternoon, there were supposed to be more activities, but the teacher put all of the kids down for nap time, and then didn't wake them up for over two hours!! It's no wonder SB has been up until 9 every night. T had mentioned to me that the kids have still been napping at 3 a few times when he's gone to pick her up. The teacher is clearly letting them sleep too long. It certainly makes her job easier. But SB hadn't napped in months before starting school, because she was not sleeping at night.
I kept her up at school, since I was there, thinking that the kids would only sleep an hour and we would do afternoon activities as we're on the schedule. Nope. The teacher had the kids sleep until 3, then woke them up when it was time to go home. I would have just taken SB and left, had I known, but I also needed to collect Miss M, and her class was actually doing work. Instead, SB and I read books and played games. Finally, it had dragged on too long, and SB started to whine a little. Her teacher started to lecture her. I had had enough at that point, and I cut her off. "She's bored," I said. The teacher actually seemed surprised. "Oh. Well, she can paint." So, that's what she happily did for the rest of the day.
I don't think I am capturing it well here--the teacher's indifference, her lack of patience, her sanctimonious lecturing of both T and I throughout the day about how she's using positive reinforcement and behavior modification "to great success." SB is afraid of her. Period. There is no warm, nurturing relationship there. I'm not sure what she is saying and doing when we are not there, but it is not anything a true professional would recognize as "positive reinforcement". Her teacher, it is clear to me now, is a bully.
After watching the other kids all day, I'm sure my kid is her toughest. She is VERY high energy (indeed, some of the other kids appeared lethargic in comparison--and this is a class of 3 year olds). But there are a few other kids who are in the same realm, and it takes a talented, patient soul to harness and channel all of that energy. Which she is not. It's not so much, though, that SB is a "bad" kid (and I hate that word--these are three year olds!), as much as she is a busy kid who needs to be engaged. Without a task, she can be unruly. The teacher doesn't seem to grasp that.
Anyway, today the kids have no school, because we have parent teacher conferences. I can hardly wait to hear what SB's teacher has to say. I am still deciding how to approach it. I think I am probably going to politely give her a piece of my mind, but I sort of feel like this may be beyond fixing. The real problem is that it is next to impossible to secure a preschool slot around here, so we are lacking good options. Plus, I love the PK4 and K teachers, so I wonder if we should ride it out and see what we can do to work with this teacher. I'll have a better sense later today.
We were also invited to a lunch with SB's class. There were supposed to be games that you could pay to play, with morning events and afternoon ones. Anyway, when we got there with our food, I discovered that only two people from Miss M's class had brought anything, and one item was fruit cups from the store. There were few or any parents there. sB's class was a bit better--most parents had brought something, but only three or four were actually present. I began to wonder how the fundraiser was going to work, without parents present to pay for games. It turned out that there were not any games. The classes went into several other classrooms for a few minutes, but they did things like read books and watch a video about fall. It was really disorganized.
Then we got to lunch. In addition to bringing the food, we had to pay $7 to eat the food with our kids! I was a little put off. We were invited to a lunch and asked to bring something for a potluck. Then, the teacher had our kids' art and photos everywhere, and she expected us to buy everything. She went so far as to take the photos and approach me when I didn't immediately open my wallet. I ended up shelling out $25 for the day, which was fine, but there are a lot of low income students at the school. Our preschool teacher seemed to be driving the whole thing, and I don't know what she was thinking. She also gave my husband a hard time for not contributing more.
Anyway, it was super disorganized, but it gave me a chance to see SB in school all day. It was hard to see, but helpful. She's not herself at all. Rather, she was sad and anxious all morning, even with me there. She was terrified that I was going to leave her, even after I had reassured her that I was staying all day. She was a bit tearful. In short, she was not my exuberant, happy handful of a child at all. I quickly could see why. Her teacher is cruel. She's not working with her at all--she's beating her down. At one point early on, SB didn't want to sit on the rug with the other kids, and the teacher told her that if she didn't behave, I was going to leave! I was completely horrified.
In the afternoon, there were supposed to be more activities, but the teacher put all of the kids down for nap time, and then didn't wake them up for over two hours!! It's no wonder SB has been up until 9 every night. T had mentioned to me that the kids have still been napping at 3 a few times when he's gone to pick her up. The teacher is clearly letting them sleep too long. It certainly makes her job easier. But SB hadn't napped in months before starting school, because she was not sleeping at night.
I kept her up at school, since I was there, thinking that the kids would only sleep an hour and we would do afternoon activities as we're on the schedule. Nope. The teacher had the kids sleep until 3, then woke them up when it was time to go home. I would have just taken SB and left, had I known, but I also needed to collect Miss M, and her class was actually doing work. Instead, SB and I read books and played games. Finally, it had dragged on too long, and SB started to whine a little. Her teacher started to lecture her. I had had enough at that point, and I cut her off. "She's bored," I said. The teacher actually seemed surprised. "Oh. Well, she can paint." So, that's what she happily did for the rest of the day.
I don't think I am capturing it well here--the teacher's indifference, her lack of patience, her sanctimonious lecturing of both T and I throughout the day about how she's using positive reinforcement and behavior modification "to great success." SB is afraid of her. Period. There is no warm, nurturing relationship there. I'm not sure what she is saying and doing when we are not there, but it is not anything a true professional would recognize as "positive reinforcement". Her teacher, it is clear to me now, is a bully.
After watching the other kids all day, I'm sure my kid is her toughest. She is VERY high energy (indeed, some of the other kids appeared lethargic in comparison--and this is a class of 3 year olds). But there are a few other kids who are in the same realm, and it takes a talented, patient soul to harness and channel all of that energy. Which she is not. It's not so much, though, that SB is a "bad" kid (and I hate that word--these are three year olds!), as much as she is a busy kid who needs to be engaged. Without a task, she can be unruly. The teacher doesn't seem to grasp that.
Anyway, today the kids have no school, because we have parent teacher conferences. I can hardly wait to hear what SB's teacher has to say. I am still deciding how to approach it. I think I am probably going to politely give her a piece of my mind, but I sort of feel like this may be beyond fixing. The real problem is that it is next to impossible to secure a preschool slot around here, so we are lacking good options. Plus, I love the PK4 and K teachers, so I wonder if we should ride it out and see what we can do to work with this teacher. I'll have a better sense later today.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Why Hello There
Has it really been since July?! What can I say...life in America is so...busy. At first it was nice to be back in the land of Target and jarred tomato sauce, but it's only been four months, and I am exhausted! Our life abroad has such a different pace. American work hours are uncivilized.
And things at home have been challenging. sB has had a very rocky move. LOTS of behavior issues...tantrums, screaming at us, hitting us. It's been hugely distressing, and makes me so sad for her. She was really starting to internalize that she was "naughty," because we were doing so many timeouts. But then, mercifully, school started, and we signed up for a parenting class to teach us some new tricks, and between the two, it seems to be getting a bit better.
The only thing is that her teacher is quite strict, and she does not really like her. It is really sad to hear a three year old tell me that she want to go back to her old school and old teacher in our old city. Which happens very frequently. So, we are hanging in there for now, but I worry about her being the "bad" kid, even if things are a bit better. Her teacher is not nurturing at all, and frequently sends us passive aggressive texts about our parenting skills. No joke. She seems to think we neither discipline nor use positive reinforcement at home. Sigh. I think she's kind of a jerk. So, I'm contemplating moving her. I don't want her to develop a dread or dislike of school because of teachers who find her a nuisance, nor do I want her to internalize any more than she has the negative stuff about her behavior. On the other hand, learning to live with a situation you don't love is an important life skill, and I think it is causing her to grow. I just wish her teacher was more nurturing. So, I go back and forth. Given how much we move, I'm also reluctant to change schools again. They've had enough change for this year.
Miss M appears to be thriving in her class. Oddly, she's a bit behind in reading comprehension. They recommended we read at home more, but we've literally been reading to her every day since she was a baby, so that's not the issue. I guess we've never quizzed her on what she was taking away from the stories. Once I started doing that, I saw their point. She focuses on what is of interest to her, rather than what another person might see as the main plot. it's rather endearing, and I'm sure we can straighten it out in short order. Otherwise, she's learning a ton and doing well.
And me...I really like my job, but there is too much of it. I have not taken a day off since we got here. Tomorrow is my first day off. I'm going to the kids school for a festival. It should be fun.
And things at home have been challenging. sB has had a very rocky move. LOTS of behavior issues...tantrums, screaming at us, hitting us. It's been hugely distressing, and makes me so sad for her. She was really starting to internalize that she was "naughty," because we were doing so many timeouts. But then, mercifully, school started, and we signed up for a parenting class to teach us some new tricks, and between the two, it seems to be getting a bit better.
The only thing is that her teacher is quite strict, and she does not really like her. It is really sad to hear a three year old tell me that she want to go back to her old school and old teacher in our old city. Which happens very frequently. So, we are hanging in there for now, but I worry about her being the "bad" kid, even if things are a bit better. Her teacher is not nurturing at all, and frequently sends us passive aggressive texts about our parenting skills. No joke. She seems to think we neither discipline nor use positive reinforcement at home. Sigh. I think she's kind of a jerk. So, I'm contemplating moving her. I don't want her to develop a dread or dislike of school because of teachers who find her a nuisance, nor do I want her to internalize any more than she has the negative stuff about her behavior. On the other hand, learning to live with a situation you don't love is an important life skill, and I think it is causing her to grow. I just wish her teacher was more nurturing. So, I go back and forth. Given how much we move, I'm also reluctant to change schools again. They've had enough change for this year.
Miss M appears to be thriving in her class. Oddly, she's a bit behind in reading comprehension. They recommended we read at home more, but we've literally been reading to her every day since she was a baby, so that's not the issue. I guess we've never quizzed her on what she was taking away from the stories. Once I started doing that, I saw their point. She focuses on what is of interest to her, rather than what another person might see as the main plot. it's rather endearing, and I'm sure we can straighten it out in short order. Otherwise, she's learning a ton and doing well.
And me...I really like my job, but there is too much of it. I have not taken a day off since we got here. Tomorrow is my first day off. I'm going to the kids school for a festival. It should be fun.
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