Monday, September 26, 2011

It's Midnight. . .

and I've just arrived home from work, which is crazy busy. My in-laws left two days ago. They spent a week, arriving the very same day that our dear friends departed. Those friends arrived a few short days after we returned from the U.S.. My dryer has been broken since we arrived back from the U.S., leading me to pile dirty laundry in the garage to hide it from my guests (the laundry room was a work zone for the repairmen, until they realized it had to be replaced). Until my husband went grocery shopping today there was little to eat in the house. In short, it's been a bit chaotic around here.

The good news in the midst of everything is that I've sort out all of the problems I whined about in my last post, I feel great, this pregnancy is humming along, my final genetic test results came back clear, I don't have syphilis (not that there was any doubt. . .but they made me get tested), and Miss M has been a hilarious, wonderful, everyday joy.

And you?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Frustrating Day

I have been offline, mostly unwillingly. When I got back from the U.S., my internet was out. The company could have cared less. It only came back on yesterday. Coincidentally, they sent me (for the very first time) a survey to find out what I thought of their service. Ah, the things I told them!

I have so many things to talk about--Miss M's giant language explosion, complete with sentences--sentences!; our trip home; parenting a 20 month old who can now talk; having my bed back to myself now that Miss M sleeps in her crib, and how we got there; how my final CVS results are in, and they are fine; thoughts on #2; the fact that I've negotiated my next assignment, and where we are going. . .and so much more. But tonight I need to just vent.

I really try to help other people out. I volunteer for projects around the office. I volunteer to do people favors when they need them. . .even one person recently that I don't even really like. I try to be a good human being. So when people don't reciprocate, sometimes it just gets me down. Today is one of those days.

It started when I couldn't find anything to wear this morning. I'm not out of the closet yet at work about the pregnancy. I'll be 15 weeks at the end of this week, so I'm sort of running out of time. I haven't told anyone because the head of my unit has left, and the new head doesn't start for another month. The interim head has turned from a reasonable person into an utter neurotic stressball. I know she is going to freak out when I tell her, even though the unit will be fully staffed again long before my maternity leave. I'm dreading telling her, so I've put it off. But the fact that I stressed so much about clothes because I'm trying to dress strategically because she's created this stressful situation at work where it will be even more stressful to be "out". . .it just really upset me.

Then I got to work, and the same person wasted an hour of my time obsessing over eight million things in an utterly unproductive conversation. She is one of those people that channels her stress by talking about how much work she has to do. Then we had to have a staff meeting, which normally takes 30 minutes. This took and hour and a half, because once again she had to obsess and talk everything to death. She's not a good interim boss, as the stress just kills her. I am a do-er, not a talk-about-er, and all of the wasted time drove me batty.

Later in the day, I had a great opportunity that came up for the end of the month. It's work-related, very cool, and involves just a half-day of work. I can't stress again how much WORK is involved in this opportunity. But, I need her to sign off on it. Guess what? She won't. She has a really busy month, and she wants me to be around in case she needs anything. This, despite the fact that I routinely travel for work, and have continued to schedule out of town assignments for myself for the next month, so what's one more half day?!

Then, there is the matter of the stroller. It's a long story not worth even getting into. Suffice it to say, I spent a lot of money and went to a lot of trouble to purchase a double stroller and get it shipped to me (it's hard to get large items shipped internationally). It required a bit of help from a friend, but I was doing her a favor in return. Let's just say things got screwed up and she seems inclined to just leave it at that. I am stuck with a stroller in a place that is a) not accessible to me, and b) from which I cannot get the stroller to me here. I will likely have to spend a lot of money to fix the situation.

Sigh. I've just had a bad day.

The silver lining? I have friends flying in tomorrow morning, with their daughter, who is a few months younger than Miss M. IT will be so good to see them.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

And The Answer Is...

I had to stalk my OB all day on Thursday to get the CVS results. Even after our discussion three days earlier, she told me that she thought the MFM would give me the results directly (WTF?! We had that conversation, and she told me she'd get them to me as soon as she got them). I caught her on her cell phone, while she was on the maternity ward, so she had no clue. She promised to try to track down the results, and called me back 45 minutes later, just as I was leaving for the airport. I was extremely tense by this point, needless to say!

So, want to know the results? The prelim results are normal. And, it's a girl! We are over the moon. We both would have been thrilled, of course, with a healthy boy, but we are so delighted to have two girls. Sisters. Pure joy! We don't get the full test results for another week or so, but I'm breathing much easier.

We've been at my MIL's for the last few days without wifi-so uncivilized!! The hurricane was nothing more than a little rain and wind, but it did delay our travel plans by a day. We're now at my mom's for the rest of our trip. It's been a whirlwind so far, so I'm looking forward to relaxing a bit here. I've never dealt with jet lag coming from Europe to the U.S., but it's kicking my butt this time. It's definitely tougher being pregnant! It's been really nice being here and seeing everyone, and so fun to sit on the beach and play with with Miss M. She has been such a little water bug. And her language skills have just exploded since she's been here! She has loads of new words, and has started with sentences. It's also been great to watch her with her grandparents, and they are really getting a kick out of her.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Going Home

When I looked at the list of blogs I read regularly, three of them had posts starting with the word "Going," so I figured that I needed to, as well. And indeed, I'm headed home tomorrow, and so very excited about it. I can't wait to get my hands on my baby and give her a big hug--husband, too!

So, my CVS results were supposed to be ready in 48 hours. That would be today. As you know if you read my last post, I called my OB before the test to make sure she would get me the results as soon as they were in. I even told her I'd be worried and was anxious to get them. She assured me I'd get them the second they were in. Guess what? I didn't get the results today. Grrrrr.....

Needless to say, I'll be bugging her office in the morning.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Chorionic Villus Sampling #2

I drafted this long blog post last night about how I was being totally zen, and what I did all weekend, and how much I miss Miss M and T, and how proud I am that she is such a well adjusted, happy kid. But Blogger ate it. This is all that's left:

I'm sitting watching really bad t.v. and eating the most delicious warm plum and blackberry tart that I just baked for myself, complete with vanilla ice cream. Because if I chill with bad t.v. and yummy homemade baked goods, only happy things can happen, right?

Tomorrow is the test. I am. . .okay. I have momentary bubbles of anxiety that float up every once in a while, but. . . .


I stayed in that pretty zen space all of today. It helped that I was really busy with work stuff and had no time to dwell on it. Before I knew it, it was time to go to the appointment. . .and then I promptly got on the wrong train. I was panicked that I was going to miss the appointment altogether, but I ended up getting myself off the train, turned around, and onto the right train just in time to make the appointment. Whew!

Let me tell you, it was such a different experience from having it done in Boston. I don't love healthcare here, even though the quality is good, because there is often no customer service. But this doctor was warm and friendly, and took time to chat with me. He did the scan first, and it was so lovely to see the baby. I swear, the baby waved at me! It was adorable. I could clearly see arms and a bit of leg, head and spine. I swear I might have seen a bit of penis, too, but it's still so hard to tell! The doctor checked out a bunch of things on the scan, and said that things looked good. I saw the heart beating away, and got to hear it for the first time. My baby. It feels a bit more real now. The placenta is in the front, as it was last time, which was a bit of a relief. It makes the CVS a bit easier to have it in the front. The doctor fiddled around a bit to decide how to go in for the sample, then prepped me. This doctor, unlike the clinic in Boston, believes in using a local anesthetic. Whereas before I could feel the needle going through my stomach, this time I felt no pain in it going through the muscle, and just a tiny pinch instead. It was vastly improved, and I didn't even think it was that bad the first time I had it done with Miss M's pregnancy! I have to say, it really wasn't so bad at all.

I kept my eyes closed and tried to stay in my happy place while he took the samples. There is a little bit of whooshing sound as the sample is withdrawn, sort of a needle plunger type sound, and I think he took three vials. He turned the lights up and inspected the samples to make sure he'd gotten what he wanted. Then it was done. I have a tiny bandaid on my belly. He checked out the baby again with the ultrasound to make sure everything looked good, and he said the procedure had gone well and everything looked great. He talked to me for a couple of minutes, then asked me to sit in the waiting room for 10 minutes to make sure I felt okay. While we chatted, I asked him about his experience, and it turns out he's been doing these since the mid-80's and has done over 10,000 of them, which is really remarkable. They've been doing CVS in Europe a lot longer than in America. I went to the best clinic I could find in Boston, and I have to say that today beat Boston, hands down. It definitely makes a difference to have someone really experienced do the procedure.

So, it wasn't bad at all. Preliminary results should be in on Wednesday; full results in 10-14 days. I will be on pins and needles until then. Good thing work is scheduled to stay swamped through midweek. I called my OB today to see how I'd get the results from her (the specialist sends them to her; I can't get them from him). The results apparently automatically get forwarded to the OB's office either via email or fax. Surprisingly enough (no one ever answers the phone in doctor's offices here), my OB answered the phone herself. She promised she would email me the results as soon as they came in. Which is great, if the results are good, but what if they are not? I almost laughed at that. In the U.S., I had a special genetic counselor assigned to me, whose job it was to report all results to me, and to answer my questions. It's kind of hilarious that I consider myself lucky to get an email here!

Friday, August 19, 2011

It's Friday Already

It really is true--keeping extra busy is the way to make time fly. I worked all week, but also had an event every night. I can't remember Monday, to be honest. Tuesday I saw a play (and got home after 11--on a school night!); Wednesday I went to dinner with a contact (home at almost midnight--late two nights in a row!); Thursday I had dinner with a colleague; and tonight I had dinner with friends. The week has just FLOWN by! I can't believe my CVS is on Monday, and then I fly to the U.S. at the end of the week.

I am feeling a bit better about the CVS. The doctors office never called me back (I am really hating the utter lack of customer service in healthcare here), but I kept calling until someone finally answered the phone. The doctor has done 1000's of the procedure, according to the woman who answered the phone. I don't entirely believe her, because she also went on to say that he's been doing them for 17 years. I'm sure he's been doing amnio for that long, but the CVS technique only started ramping up in the early 1980's. I guess it's possible. Regardless, it's clear to me that he's been doing it for a long time, and my doctor trusts him, so I'm more comfortable. I'll have preliminary results within 48 hours, and full results in about 2-2.5 weeks. Now the trick is going to be to make sure I get the results before the end of the week. I have to get them from my OB. . .let's see how long it takes me to get in touch with her office to ensure that I'll get the results the second them come in. I think the chances are slim that I get the results in any sort of timely fashion, all things considered here!

I'm feeling good. I kept a busy schedule this week, but I haven't been overly tired. I've been eating well. My medication has really kicked in, so I'm feeling better. My chest is bigger this week all of a sudden, and work clothes (particularly the bottoms!) continue to be an issue. Strategic dressing is also kind of a pain. If I'm not careful, I really do look pregnant. I have one top, in particular, that makes me look totally pregnant. Something about the cut and the pattern of it. I wore it to the theater on Tuesday and threw a cardigan over it, but it's definitely out for work--at least until I'm out of the closet!

Tomorrow I'm headed back to Ikea to try to buy the rest of the things I need to finish redecorating our living room. I've given up on getting the rest of the house done. I had such high hopes, but time has gone by faster than I thought it would, and my to do list is still very long! Hopefully, I'll have a very productive day tomorrow.

I suppose it doesn't help that I just spent the last two hours researching train tickets. I've been holding off on booking any more travel until a few things fell into line, but they seemed to have fallen into place, and now I'm ready to be off. I want to get a few more trips in before I'm too pregnant to travel. I have three more trips (long weekend-y type trips) that I want to get in before the baby is born. . .if the baby is born. . .but mostly, before the baby is born. Look at me, all optimistic-ish.

I even made a plan for how we'll tell people, assuming everything goes okay next week. Well, it's not really a plan, and not even that cool, but I decided. I bought Miss M a big sister tshirt. It's very cute, and says "I'm going to be a big sister." I wanted to get her one that says "I have a secret" on the front, and then "I'm going to be a big sister" on the back, but due to her tendency to refuse to go in the direction requested, I thought I better not get a tshirt that had two sides to it. It will be enough work to get her to show people her shirt. We're having a big party while I'm home, and I'm going to have her in the shirt that day. That way, when people show up and see her, they'll get the news that way. . .if they are paying attention!

Monday, August 15, 2011

One Week

My anxiety is slowly ratcheting up regarding the chorionic villus sampling, which is scheduled for a week from today. When I scheduled the last one, it was all very 11th hour, so I didn't have any time to fuss over it. But we scheduled this weeks ago, and the closer it gets, the scarier it seems. If T. were going to be there, it would be so much easier. But I'm going to have to be a big girl and suck it up through the discomfort and scariness all by myself. Like the blood draw last week, the anticipation of the needle and the accompanying pain is probably going to be worse than the actuality. I'm committed to doing it, but I'm dreading it. I wish there had been time to do the NT scan and bloodwork, not that those tests would have made the actual CVS any easier. But, it would have felt more like wading in.

I'm 10.5 weeks now. It seems impossible that I'm that far along. This pregnancy is already 1/4 over. Time is flying by. I took belly photos for the first time last week, and once I saw them, I calmed down about being "huge." I'm growing out of my pants, but I'm not any bigger, really, than I was at the same point with Miss M. I just FEEL huge because all of a sudden, none of my work clothes fit. I opened up the maternity clothes box last week with great anticipation, excited to find work clothes that fit, but quickly realized that I'm utterly sick of everything that's in there. It's so funny--I was so happy with the stuff during my first pregnancy, and felt great about my clothes. Now I don't like any of it.

Even though I'm still feeling very unsure of this pregnancy, I did go ahead and order some new maternity clothes from Gap. They were all on sale and I had a coupon, so they were very inexpensive. I didn't get much--just a few pieces. I figure that if everything goes well next week with the test, I will buy some new things while I'm in the States. In particular, I desperately need maternity jeans that fit. I have at least a half dozen pairs, and they all fall off me. I find it so annoying to have to constantly yank my pants up. I just want comfortable pants that fit! Is that too much to ask?! If you know of a brand that fits slim women of average height who have no hips, please let me know.

I have absolute piles of work to do. August was supposed to be my slow month! I had set aside time this afternoon to review a giant stack of paperwork that I need to read in advance of an all-day meeting tomorrow. Of course, just as I was about to start reading, an urgent email came in that required that I read a different giant stack of paperwork. I never got to the other stuff I was supposed to read. So, lucky me, I brought it home with me, and now I have to read it all before 9am tomorrow. I guess I'd better get off my butt and start.