Four Months

Miss M turned four months old over a week ago, but I am behind in every aspect of my life right now. I love to see how she is growing and changing every day. I regret that things are so busy right now, because I am missing so many little things. On the other hand, in a month we will be in a new city and things will (hopefully) begin to calm down a bit. This craziness is short-term, and in the long term the changes we are making now will mean that both T and I get to spend more time with her, and that she will have amazing opportunities as she grows up.

At four months, Miss M continues to be a happy, smiling child. She has a gentle, beautiful soul. I just adore her. When she wakes up in the morning, she lays quietly in her bassinet (still haven't transitioned her to the crib...), then gradually begins talking to the crib card animals that are above her. She speaks louder and louder, until we get up and get her. When she sees us, she breaks into a huge grin. It is just awesome.

Miss M can roll from front to back. In fact, she still hates to be on her tummy, and promptly rolls onto her back again if placed on her tummy. She is very close to rolling from back to tummy, as well--she can get all the way over, except for the arm that is underneath her when she rolls. She hasn't quite figured out how to pull it from beneath her, and will quickly flip back onto her back after almost rolling over onto her belly and licking the playmat (no idea why she licks it, but she does EVERY time she almost-rolls over).

She can hold her bottle with both hands. She grabs at her toys on the swing and playmat. She tries to put everything into her mouth, and has lurched at me a few times while I've been holding her and latched into my jaw, sucking away. I call her Vampira.

Miss M babbles away at us. She laughs out loud at things like throwing the stick for the dog. She pets the cat, who can't seem to get enough of her even though she pulls at his fur at times.

She is just a joy.

As we enjoy every moment with her, thoughts obviously turn at times to whether/when we build our family. I will turn 38 this summer. It wasn't terribly easy to make it happen the first time. If we want to build our family, we can't wait too long. On the one hand, I never thought that I would have a single child. It was always childfree, or more than one. I nver saw just one as an option I would want to pursue.

But now that she is here, I can envision a life with a single child. We enjoy her so much, and it is so easy to just focus on her. The idea of chasing two yound children who are going in two different directions sort of scares me. It sounds exhausting. On the other hand, it also sounds fun.

I have told T. that I think we should enjoy this first year with Miss M., and not make any decisions until she is a year old. I'm not anxious to be pregnant again, or to start trying again (not that we even could-we're still breastfeeding full time, and plan to do so indefinitely, and I'm not currently ovulating). But it's there, in the back of my mind.

As T said yesterday as he changed her diaper, and I marveled over how amazing she is, she is so fabulous that it would almost be a shame not to have another.