Genetic Counseling, the NT Scan & Ultrasound #4

We had our appointment with the MFM's office this morning. We were there for more than two hours, between the genetic counseling and the scan and the bloodwork, and spent almost the entire time with doctors and counselors, rather than waiting around, which was great.

We started by meeting with the genetic counselor. I had wanted to meet with her because I had really been struggling with what types of testing I wanted to do. T. had said that we should do whatever I wanted, which was kind, but not incredibly helpful. I am really glad we decided to talk to the genetic counselor. She went through our ages, our medical histories, the medical histories of our parents and siblings and their kids, and then on to aunts, uncles and cousins. I have several cousins who have had children with genetic disorders, as does T. I wasn't as concerned about T's, as my own research had shown that it was X-linked and he therefore could not be a carrier, but it was nice to have that confirmed.

The genetic counselor was really nice and spent a lot of time talking to us about genetic disorders, what gets tested for (essentially, with CVS and amnio, they check all chromosomes for translocations, missing parts, and/or extra or missing chromosomes; amnio can test for neural tube defects and CVS can't), showing us pictures of chromosomes to help explain things, and the timing of the tests (CVS up to 14 weeks; amnio from 15 1/2 weeks to 20 weeks). She said that they only test for specific diseases if there is a particular risk factor for them, and since the disease that runs in T's family is X-linked, there aren't any unusual diseases we need to test for (the ones in my family are the standard ones that get checked for).

The big surprise was that when going through family history, T. happened to mention that his mother had multiple miscarriages (5-6). Although I knew this, I hadn't thought much about it. The genetic counselor, however, said that this might be indicative of a chromosomal defect which could be genetic, and she recommended that he be tested to determine whether he has a translocation or some other issue. She said that this could be behind my miscarriages. It was a simple blood test, and not overly expensive even if our insurance doesn't cover it (she thinks it should, though), so we opted to do it. The results should be in in 2-3 weeks, and we should have them before we have to make a decision about amnio. We would have to go into Boston for CVS, and the stat that the Boston hospital that does the CVS is quoting is 1 in 100 for miscarriage, which is higher than I've read in other places. I think she said the miscarriage rate for amnio is 1 in 400. Based on that, and based on the results of today's scan, as well as the availability of early amnio, I think I've decided against CVS.

Once we were done with the genetic counseling, we went back for the ultrasound. The tech was very pregnant and clearly uncomfortable. I freaked out a little at first, because she couldn't find the heartbeat. Well actually, she couldn't find the baby at all. I think it freaked her out, too. My uterus is tipped backwards, and the way the baby was positioned today made it difficult to spot him (I'm CONVINCED, by the way, that it's a boy). Eventually, she found him, and I started breathing again. She had a great deal of trouble getting a neck measurement, though, because he was positioned feet up. In fact, we got great views of his feet, kicking away! His head, not so much. She was pressing down really hard all over my abdomen, which was quite uncomfortable--particularly on my bladder!

Eventually, she went and talked to the doctor, and then came back and told me to take my pants off in case the doctor needed to use the dildocam. The doctor came in a few minutes later, and was very no-nonsense. She used the abdominal ultrasound wand for about two seconds, found the heartbeat (which measured 167 this visit), said that the baby was "growing well" and the baby's growth was right on target for 11.5-12 weeks (I am 11 weeks 6 days today), and also said that the amniotic fluid was measuring well. She was then able to get the neck measurement, because the baby had moved around sideways. I think the baby must've moved around when I got up to take my pants off (well that, and T. was making me laugh while the tech was out of the room). She said the neck measurement was 0.9 (or maybe she said .09, but I think it was the former), and well within the range of "normal," so no concerns there. And then the MFM was off.

After the doctor left, the tech was really sweet. She put the ultrasound wand back on my belly to try to get a good shot so we could take some pictures home with us. She kept apologizing that she hadn't been able to get a good enough shot to give us a picture. She ended up getting three of them, including this one, which shows the baby's head and his nose on the left side of the photo (I'm afraid he's gotten my nose!), and one little leg kicking away on the right side of the photo.

Once we finished up with the ultrasound, they took a vial of my blood for the screening tests, and T's blood for the genetic testing. They are going to inspect all of his chromosomes for any potential problems. If there are any, we can then have the baby tested during amnio, to see if there are any issues we should be concerned about. My bloodwork will be back by the end of the week, at which point they'll tell us what our risk is for Down's.

I feel relieved that we saw a heartbeat. I feel relieved that things continue to go well. I feel relieved that the neck measurement looks good. I am someone that needs a lot of information. I feel more in control with information at my fingertips, so this was a really good experience.

In fact, I am in such a good place that I decided that we might as well tell people now. I'm never going to feel completely safe, until the baby comes out alive and healthy. . .and then I'll just worry about a million other things, I'm sure! I would love to wait until after amnio, which is just another 3-4 weeks (they'd give us partial results within 3-4 days of having it done, and then full results within two weeks). But, T. doesn't think he can wait that long, and the chances of there being a problem really are quite small. I do know that. I am just a worry wart! So, I'm going to spend some time tonight putting together the things which we will be using to make the big announcement to our families. Look for more for this week's Show & Tell.

One More Day

Tomorrow is the NT scan! And then we hit 12 weeks! It will be really good to have both milestones behind us.

T. and I had another long conversation this weekend about telling vs. not telling. It didn't go so well, in that I got really angry. Part of it was no doubt hormonal, but part of it is that I'm also still really mad about how pushy his mother has been. I just can't help it. It makes me so angry that we couldn't just have this little space of time on our own terms. It makes me so angry that she couldn't just ignore whatever she thought she knew. As I explained to T., I can deal with something bad happening. I can't deal with people knowing, and something bad happening. It makes me stressed that she knows. The first miscarriage, she didn't know we had been trying, but T. felt so terrible that he told her about it. She has repeatedly tried to bring it up with me, even though I've never talked to her about it, and changed the subject every time. I know that she would not give me the space I need if something happened again, and that really bothers me.

T. thinks I am looking at this the wrong way, and that I should be grateful because people would be supportive if something bad happened. We are hard-wired soooo differently. He would like support in that situation. I would like to be left alone to process it on my own. He thinks that is backward and unhealthy, and that I would be better off talking things out. I completely disagree (he also doesn't know about the entire IF universe and how much support I get here--I'm not sure why, but I've never bothered to tell him, perhaps because initially I just needed a space to myself to work things out, and then once I moved past it, I just never told him.)

We are supposed to spend this weekend with my MIL and T. had wanted to tell her this weekend, but we obviously won't have the 1st tri screening results back yet, because I haven't had the bloodwork done yet. I told T. that I don't want to tell until we get the test results back. In the end, he agreed, but not without a big debate over it. He thinks I am unfairly upset at his mother. Perhaps that's true--but I can't help how I feel. And if we don't tell this weekend, I'm sure she will push the issue, because she just won't be able to help herself, which I am dreading. I've invited several friends of mine and their kids (it's a big party), and I'm hoping to use them as a buffer.

I'm sure I'm being a complete bitch about all of this, especially because I know my MIL is very excited about having another grandchild, but how I feel is so colored by our experiences of the last few years. I have really tried to give myself breathing space each time we've suffered a setback, and that's what has allowed me to move through the bad stuff. I'm feeling crowded and pushed now, and I don't like it. It's not what I need.

Blah, Blah, Blah

I don't really have anything exciting to update. I have my NT scan on Tuesday, and I am anxious to have that behind me. We will hit 12 weeks this week, if everything continues to go okay, which seems crazy. I am anxious to have that milestone behind me, as well.

I guess I have some vaguely interesting job news. I finally have an interview scheduled for September for that job that I really, really want (I've been working my way through the hiring process for months). The hiring schedule is really quite extended, so I pushed the interview out for as long as I could, because I don't want them to make me an offer before I have the baby (assuming, of course, we get that far with the baby--and I guess it's time for me to get over the disclaimers, because I have no reason to think we won't, at this point, other than sheer neuroses). I would have to turn the job down if I was 8 or 9 months pregnant at the time they offered it to me. Anything beyond that, I can work with. A weird quirk of the position is that I can't negotiate a start date. But I am so completely in love with the organization and the work that I'm willing to do practically anything to make it work.

Curiously enough, I was also contacted this week about another potential job situation. It's all very theoretical, but I would have a really hard time trying to decide what to do, if for some strange reason it actually pans out. The job I really, really want is the one I have the interview for in September, but I am many months from finding out if that job is a realistic possiblity for me. This new job that has popped up isn't nearly as appealing, but comes with a huge salary, good benefits, etc, and I would be doing interesting, challenging work. In other words, if Dream Job doesn't work out, this would be a good second choice. It is definitely time for me to move on from my current job, as much as I love it. The tough part about Second Choice is that it is, well, not my first choice, and they may be looking to hire almost immediately. On the other hand, once they find out I'm knocked up, they probably will not be so interested in me. Who wants to hire a new employee for a position with a high level of responsibility, only to have that person go out on maternity leave six months later? I also can't imagine them wanting to wait around another 9 months for me to finish maternity leave and come work for them, no matter how much they might like me.

But, both jobs are highly theoretical right now. I'm doing everything I can to make myself a good candidate for Dream Job, and not thinking too much about Second Choice. Time will tell what will happen.

And finally, I wish everyone would pipe down about Mich.ael Jack.son. It's been the "top story" on my local news for days. PLEASE. HIS DEATH IS NOT "NEWS." Yes, he had some big hits once upon a time. Yes, I'm sure the people who actually knew him and loved him are quite sad that he is gone, and I am sorry for their loss. But the reality is that the world is no worse off with one less pedophile. It irritates me to no end that people are willing to look past such egregious and terrible behavior because he was a famous and talented person. There are so many people in this world who are trying to make the world a better place who are so much more deserving of the tears of people who don't know them.

This Week's Show & Tell: All About Telling

This week's Show & Tell falls just as we hit 11 weeks in this pregnancy. So perhaps I should finally get around to telling the story of how I told T. that we are pregnant.

Before I go into the story, I should mention that we went through a miscarriage two years ago, and T. was completely devestated by that experience. When we started trying again, I had decided that if I could protect him from that hurt again, I would. The cycle before this current pregnancy we had a chemical pregnancy. I didn't tell him about that pregnancy until after I was sure it was a chemical. So when we got pregnant the very next cycle, our third pregnancy, I waited until I had the results from two betas before I told him. If I could spare him any hurt at all, I was going to. Oh, and he was under the impression that we were already in the initial phases of an investigative cycle with the RE (we actually weren't yet, as I was still in the 2ww), and had no idea that we had a shot at pregnancy that cycle. So when the beta results were positive, FINALLY, I really wanted to tell him in a special way. I thought and thought about how I would break the news.

T. is a HUGE Harr.y Pot.ter fan. On long car rides, I usually read aloud to him in the car if I'm reading something good. On one trip a few years back, I read him a bit of HP, and he became hooked. We own all of the books and all of the movies, and are anxiously counting down to July 15, when the battle between good and evil will rage on in theaters nationwide.

I am also a big HP fan, and an even bigger fan of riddles. Every year for our anniversary, I torture T. with a bunch of riddles that lead to his anniversary present. Very conveniently, this year my uterus decided to coordinate with our anniversary. Our anniversary fell just after I got the results from my second beta.

So, what to do, how to tell? A Har.ry Pot.ter-esque anniversary riddle, of course!

For those of you who don't share our love of HP, it is worth knowing that in the novel Harr.y Pot.ter and the Gob.let of Fire, Harry was one of four young wizards competing in something called the Tri-Wiz.ard Tourn.ament. As part of the tournament, he had to secure a golden egg from the clutches of a dragon. And then, he had to figure out the secret that the golden egg held, in order to move on to the next stage of the tournament.

Im my travels across the internet, I found a site called Za.zzle where you can make your own custom-made items relatively inexpensively. I have used it several times before, and the results have always been quite good. They sell something called a morphing mug, which changes colors when you put something hot in it. Empty, it is a solid color, and appears innocuous enough. Full of hot liquid, it changes to a white mug, featuring whatever design you have put on it. Aha! I had my golden egg.



Blue Mug: Cold

White Mug with the big reveal: Hot

(wrapping around the mug, it says "Guess What?", then there's a picture of my positive pee stick, and then below it says "We're going to have to finish the renovations!* Happy 9th Anniversary!")

Then, I came up with a riddle:

When Harry saved the golden egg,
a mystery he had to peg.
And so you must do the same,
with this mug that here came.

Earth, wind, water, fire.
One of these you do desire.
Solve the riddle that is near
and the answer will appear.

Now, my thought process was that he would figure out that he needed water for the mug (because it's a mug), he would eventually figure out that the water needed to be hot, and he would then fill the mug with hot water. Presto! The picture of the positive pee stick would pop up, and he would be surprised and delighted.

Have I mentioned how differently T. and I think? Here was his thought process: Mug. Hmmm. If you put earth in it, you can put a seed in it and grow it. "You're pregnant!" Eyes full of tears, he was indeed both surprised and delighted.

Well, it got us there, even if it wasn't quite how I intended it.

Want to see what everyone else has brought for Show & Tell? Come join the fun, and while you're there , wish Mel a very happy blogoversary!

*We have been undergoing the world's longest-running renovations. I fully plan to tell people that I got pregnant solely in the hopes of causing my husband to finally finish our house.

The Big Reveal

We are getting close to the point where we were planning on telling people that we are pregnant. I am dreading it. I really would like to just keep it quiet for now. It still doesn't feel safe. Even once we get through the NT scan and bloodwork next week, even if it is fine, I know I still won't feel safe. I am far more comfortable living in my own little world where no one knows, and if something bad happens, I can deal with it in my own way. God forbid something were to happen, I would loathe the "are you okays." I so much prefer to deal with things on my own.

Unfortunately, T. doesn't feel the same way. He doesn't even worry about things. Actually, he doesn't worry about anything, ever. He is the most positive person I have ever met, and greets each morning with a giant smile. He is very excited to tell people, and he is insisting that as long as the testing goes well next week, we tell his mother over the 4th of July weekend. Actually, I think he'd prefer to tell her then, either way. Just yesterday, he told me that it's been impossibly difficult for him to keep it in this long, because he wants to tell the world that he's going to be a dad.

I have a bunch of issues with this plan to tell next week. First, there is the fact that I don't really want to tell anyone yet (Can't we just wait until I'm showing!). Second (and I know this is childish, selfish and ridiculous), I don't really want to tell his family first. I would prefer to tell my own family first. Especially since his mother has refused to respect our wishes to keep this pregnancy private at this point, and has been asking questions about it. I don't feel like she should be rewarded for her lack of respect for our privacy by being the first to "officially" find out. Which is probably a stupid way to look at it, but it's just how I feel. But even more than that, there will be a ton of people at the big 4th of July bash that we are going to at her beach house, and I just don't feel like all of these people should know before my parents know. Ugh, and then there is my husband's sister, who has never been nice to me. So much better that we just avoid the whole telling that weekend (alas, I know this isn't going to happen).

Now, if the scan goes well next week, I could just tell my parents in the interim between the scan and the 4th, right? Except, I really don't want to break the news to either of my parents over the phone by just telling them. When your only daughter is over 35 and about to have your first grandchild, this seems like a lame way of finding out. Unfortunately, my desire to not break the news over the phone is complicated by the fact that a) my mother lives several states away, and b) my father is himself going away on vacation for several weeks, and leaving town just before my NT scan. Unfortunately, he is going far away, too, so it's not like I could just pop over and surprise him withthe news. And, I don't want to tell anyone until after the NT scan, which isn't until next Tuesday.

I also want to tell people myself. I don't want important people in my life to find out from other people. Which just makes this whole thing very complicated. I wish T. could just wait a few more weeks to tell people, so we could do it on terms that work for both of us. I feel like I am being forced to tell based on this artificial timetable that is set in play by the fact that the NT scan is Tuesday, and we are scheduled to see his family the following weekend. I just don't like it.

First Appointment With New OB--10w5d

I am too lame for creative titles today.

On Saturday, T. and I spent the day in a nearby city, looking at baby furniture, having lunch, and generally wandering around and browsing. The city is very artsy, with lots of cool little boutiques and funky restaurants. I won't even tell you what I ate, because it was incredibly unhealthy, but delicious. Let's just say that it involved potatoes and animal fat, and the Americ.an Hea.rt Assoc.iation won't be using me as their poster child for healthy living. I keep craving salty/fatty, and it really hit the spot. I topped it off with yummy fig and Turkish orange gelato, which was to die for (um, and if I keep eating like that, I might). Heaven!

I was amazed at the range of pricing on baby furniture. I have to admit, the only other time I've looked at baby furniture has been in the Pott.ery Barn catalogue, where the cribs are $1000+. I was delighted to discovered that non-PB, heavy, all-wood cribs seem to top out at around $500 at the stores we went into. I am still confused about why PB is charging $1000+ for cribs that are not even all wood (they are partially medium-density fiberboard, a gross, cheap, chemical-laden wood substitute that I don't allow in my house). I would love to know how Pott.ery Ba.rn justifies charging that much money for a crappy MDF crib, when a nearly identical all-wood crib can be had for less than half that. Some of the PB cribs are nice-looking and unique, I will admit, but once I found out they were MDF, forget it. Oh, and some of the non-PB cribs can actually be reconfigured into not only a toddler bed, but a full size adult bed, too. It's so ridiculous how a brand name jacks up the prices.

So back to our adventure on Saturday. . .after looking at baby stuff all morning (which really was more about dipping our toes into the material world of parenting, rather than any real consideration of infant accoutrements), we walked around the cute historic area. And walked. And walked. It felt good, but there is always a consequence, it seems. At some point late in the day, I started with the bright red spotting. It continued over into yesterday, and I had some low cramping, as well. I tried not to worry, as the progesterone supp's plus exercise always seems to make me spot. Although, the cramping was somewhat new.

Which brings us to today and my first appointment with my new OB. The appointment had been scheduled several weeks ago. The spotting has stopped, as has the cramping. The OB seems really nice, and I think I'm going to like her. She seemed a little concerned about the spotting. But, she used the doppler to find the baby's heartbeat (once again promising an u/s if she couldn't find it with the doppler--I LOVE this office!), and there it was! She wasn't sure we'd be able to find it this early, as she said the heartbeat is typically heard on the doppler somewhere between 10-12 weeks, but she was able to find it quickly. It was loud and strong, and she said it measured at about 180.

The rest of the visit was uneventful. She told me that if I am ever worried, to just stop by the office and have them check for the heartbeat. She said some women come by once a week, and it's no problem at all--she rather I stop by than be worried. She also wondered why we didn't just wait for amnio, given my concerns about doing just screening tests, but when I explained that I would like to know our risks sooner than later, she seemed to think it was a good idea for us to go ahead with Tuesday's appointment. I don't go back to her until next month. It's going to be really weird to wait that long. Since the beginning of this pregnancy, I've had doctor's appointments at least every two weeks, if not closer together. If we get through next week's screening okay, we will then go three more weeks without an appointment! I am almost afraid to even whisper it, but this may be turning into a "normal" pregnancy.

Funny Surprise

Today is the first day of ICLW, so welcome one and all who may stop by for that. My history is on the sidebar, but the long and short of it is that we are 10 weeks pregnant after two long years of trying and not trying and things not working out, in general.

Now on to the surprise. . .

T. and I agreed when we first found out that we are pregnant that we wouldn't tell anyone until we were through the first trimester. Despite my best intentions, however, a very close friend figured it out. She is the only person that I have talked to IRL about TTC, because as I've mentioned many times before, I just have no interest in bearing the burden of other people's expectations; it's all I can do to deal with my own. So anyway, my friend figured it out, and has been extremely excited for us, which has been really great. It is so nice to have someone excited for us. Because of our ages, I have every expectation that there are going to be people who tell us that we are screwing up our lives by having kids now, and I am dreading dealing with those people. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, a mother of two teenagers told me that she thinks we are doing the right thing by not having kids, because we have so much freedom, and we aren't missing anything. But I digress. . .

My friend is very excited every time I talk to her. We were at her house the other night, and she was asking a million questions, and then busted out with the following:

"When are you going to tell people? Oooh, can I give you a present? Will that freak you out??? I totally found the best thing at the dump!"

At which point, she disappeared into her garage. A present? The DUMP? Wuh???

She returned two seconds later with something very similar to this:



a giant activity cube, with letters and animals and colored beads. I totally cracked up. I told her that I couldn't wait to write in the baby's baby book that the first baby present we received came from the dump*.

*Perhaps I should explain that here in my little corner of New England, there is no curbside trash pickup (in fact, there aren't really any curbs, since there are no sidewalks in most places). Everyone has to bring their own trash to the dump, so the dump becomes a busy place on the weekends, which everyone by necessity frequents. Because of this, many towns have little rooms at the dump where people can leave items they no longer want, and other people can take them for free. It's sort of like having a little thrift store at the dump. There is often really good stuff there, especially in some of the wealthier towns. My friend got her baby jogger there, and now this. So, it's not like she pulled it out of the trash bin. And of course, I will thoroughly disinfect it.