The Big Reveal

We are getting close to the point where we were planning on telling people that we are pregnant. I am dreading it. I really would like to just keep it quiet for now. It still doesn't feel safe. Even once we get through the NT scan and bloodwork next week, even if it is fine, I know I still won't feel safe. I am far more comfortable living in my own little world where no one knows, and if something bad happens, I can deal with it in my own way. God forbid something were to happen, I would loathe the "are you okays." I so much prefer to deal with things on my own.

Unfortunately, T. doesn't feel the same way. He doesn't even worry about things. Actually, he doesn't worry about anything, ever. He is the most positive person I have ever met, and greets each morning with a giant smile. He is very excited to tell people, and he is insisting that as long as the testing goes well next week, we tell his mother over the 4th of July weekend. Actually, I think he'd prefer to tell her then, either way. Just yesterday, he told me that it's been impossibly difficult for him to keep it in this long, because he wants to tell the world that he's going to be a dad.

I have a bunch of issues with this plan to tell next week. First, there is the fact that I don't really want to tell anyone yet (Can't we just wait until I'm showing!). Second (and I know this is childish, selfish and ridiculous), I don't really want to tell his family first. I would prefer to tell my own family first. Especially since his mother has refused to respect our wishes to keep this pregnancy private at this point, and has been asking questions about it. I don't feel like she should be rewarded for her lack of respect for our privacy by being the first to "officially" find out. Which is probably a stupid way to look at it, but it's just how I feel. But even more than that, there will be a ton of people at the big 4th of July bash that we are going to at her beach house, and I just don't feel like all of these people should know before my parents know. Ugh, and then there is my husband's sister, who has never been nice to me. So much better that we just avoid the whole telling that weekend (alas, I know this isn't going to happen).

Now, if the scan goes well next week, I could just tell my parents in the interim between the scan and the 4th, right? Except, I really don't want to break the news to either of my parents over the phone by just telling them. When your only daughter is over 35 and about to have your first grandchild, this seems like a lame way of finding out. Unfortunately, my desire to not break the news over the phone is complicated by the fact that a) my mother lives several states away, and b) my father is himself going away on vacation for several weeks, and leaving town just before my NT scan. Unfortunately, he is going far away, too, so it's not like I could just pop over and surprise him withthe news. And, I don't want to tell anyone until after the NT scan, which isn't until next Tuesday.

I also want to tell people myself. I don't want important people in my life to find out from other people. Which just makes this whole thing very complicated. I wish T. could just wait a few more weeks to tell people, so we could do it on terms that work for both of us. I feel like I am being forced to tell based on this artificial timetable that is set in play by the fact that the NT scan is Tuesday, and we are scheduled to see his family the following weekend. I just don't like it.