Sunday, January 25, 2015


I have a lot of anxiety.  That is probably clear, because that is when I post the most.  :)

Tomorrow, SB is supposed to start preschool.  I say "supposed to," because I think I am going to call in the morning and tell them that she is going to start on Wednesday, instead.  When I set all of this up, I really wasn't thinking.  I wasn't thinking that tomorrow is the day I get my test results back.  I wasn't thinking that I'd rather have her start on a Wednesday, because that way she doesn't have to go through five days before the weekend, but only has to adjust to three.  I wasn't thinking that Miss M doesn't start school until Wednesday, and a Monday start would leave Miss M home by herself with the housekeeper/nanny, which would be kind of lonely.  I wasn't thinking that it would be this stressful to send my youngest to preschool, but after what happened last fall (which I haven't really blogged about, because it was too awful and raw and hard and I just. . .couldn't), after what happened. . .I am terrified that SB will have a bad experience.  I am scared to send her to preschool.

And oh yes, then there is the fact that we still don't know when we are moving.  And if we are moving soon, does it even make sense to put her in preschool for like 3 months?  Or is that just a ridiculous too-full-of-transitions idea?  My original thought was that we would start her in preschool when Miss M started school back up, and that would give her about 6 months of half day preschool before moving to the U.S. in June, with the idea that from June on she would be in full time "school" of some sort.

I don't know when any of this is going to get any easier.  I think that is the hardest part of all of this.  Will the test results show anything?  And if they don't, why do I have this constant, nagging pain in my side?  And just because they don't show anything now, might they some day?  Are they missing something?  And should we leave here in April, or stick it out until June?  And should we rent or try to buy?  Or rent short term and look for something longer term?  But then if we do that, what do we do with all of our stuff that is being shipped back?  And how long will it take T to get a job?  And even if he does get a job quickly, what do we do with a 3 year old and a 5 year old for the summer?  And so on.  And so on.

Normally, I manage stress reasonably well (neurotic contents of this blog notwithstanding).  But this situation is a lot, even for me.


Jane said...

Oh dear, that is a lot to be thinking about and worrying over all at once. I think you need to grant yourself leave to do whatever makes things easier for you and the girls right now, even if it's not what was planned. So if I were you, I'd start SB on Wednesday just to relieve the stress that Monday will inevitably be, and take all the rest one step at a time with the knowledge that you will eventually get to August and September and December and be in a routine again. And maybe bake a lot and have the girls watch more Bob the Builder in the next few days to give yourselves some smiles.

If it's helpful, I have a son and daughter about the same ages as Miss M and SB. My son had a terrible time starting preschool - the transition was just too much - but it's been smooth sailing for my daughter and she LOVES school. I think it was a a difference in personalities, expectations (theirs and mine), etc.

We're also possibly moving back to the US in May or June after years abroad, but we started her anyway because we've found both kids are pretty resilient when it comes to changes - for instance when we go back for 3-6 weeks each year. We just try to talk them through what is and will happening so it becomes normal to them.

Keeping all fingers and toes crossed for good test results and that they provide some longer-term relief for you, plus that SB can adjust to school quickly, so that you have a few less things to think about ...

Queenie. . . said...

Thanks for that, Jane. It's comforting to be reminded that we WILL establish a routine again, despite all of the current uncertainty--especially from someone who has "been there." :)