From My Last Read to My Current Read to My Current Worry

Maybe I should add an addendum to my review of Mel's book, Life From Scratch, which glowingly notes that I was able to understand the general premise at some point during the first 50 pages. Which I only mention because during the first 50 pages of Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go, I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I picked the book up in a train station, in need of something to read, and I still haven't seen any reviews, and the back cover summary is basically silent about the plot (it talks about 3 friends who meet at boarding school, and some terrible secret), so I literally know nothing about the book. I'm now at around page 80, and I have some thoughts about what the book MIGHT be about, but still. . .it might also be about something entirely different. It's really weird. I can't say that I've ever gotten this far into a book and had so little understanding of what I was reading. I think that's in part because the usual practice is to summarize the plot on the back of the book, which this book didn't do. I must say, it's distracting me from the story. I am constantly stopping to say "what the hell is this book about," or going back to re-read earlier portions to see if my evolving working hypothesis actually works, in light of some of the clues found in earlier chapters.

I've obviously read books that have gone in different directions than anticipated, but this isn't like that. This is like. . .there is an entire subtext that I am missing. Living in Europe, there is often a subtext that I am missing, so at first I thought it was just ordinary cultural dissonance because it's set in England. Like, I thought I just didn't understand what a "carer" was, or what a "donor" was. But now I am thinking it's a bit more complicated than my usual American-in-Paris problem.

But if you know, please don't tell me, because it is such an extraordinary experience, and I want to continue to view the book through this lense until I've finished it. And then perhaps re-read it, to see what I think of it once I do know what's going on.

Even now, at the point where I have no idea what the hell is going on, there is so much sadness in the book, and I have to say, it pairs nicely with my current neuroses. I have been worrying lately, probably needlessly so, but since it generally makes me feel better to spit it out so I can move on, you might want to watch your feet. . .

Miss M has always been a petite baby. She has generally been at around the 50 percentile for height, and was 10-20 percentile for weight until she started walking at 10 months, at which point, she fell off the chart for weight. The doctor started having her come in once a month to check her weight, and she has more or less continued to gain weight on the same trajectory since falling off the chart (I mean, at the same rate)--just at a level which is off the chart. But in the last month, while she gained a pound, she didn't grow in height. Although, T. pointed out that they measure her height by drawing a pencil line above and below her while she lays on the exam table, which isn't an exact science with an active toddler. Except, I don't think she's grown. She's still in the 12 month footie jammies at 14 months, and she's got room lengthwise.

The doctor thinks she's fine. Developmentally, she is doing very well, and near the top of what one would expect for a baby her age. I have no worries there. But physically, while the doctor doesn't think there is a problem, he would like us to get a second opinion, and has referred us to someone.

I am worried. I know there is no reason to be at this point, but something is just nagging away at me. I just feel like something is off. I was fine until this last month--I thought it was all attributable to her petite size and her finite appetite. But the doctor referring us out has freaked me out. Well that, and people commenting about her tiny size constantly. I hope I am just being my usual neurotic self. I can't even fathom the thought of anything happening to her. She's such a huge part of my universe.