Tuesday, January 29, 2013

We'll, That's Not Going To Work

First, my apologies for that hot mess that was my last post.   In case it was not really obvious, I posted from my Android phone, which has the cool Swyping technology, and didn't proofread it.  The technology is great for typing in a hurry, but not always so fabulous for accuracy.  Sometimes using it is the only way I can find time to post, but wow, can it be painful to read!

Miss M and I ended up having a series of long conversations about how we don't bite/hit/etc our friends, because then they don't want to play with us.  Actually, we talked about the situation a lot of different ways, but that was the angle that seemed to resonate with her.  The little girl that she bit would not play with her the next day, and M was very sad about that, so I seized upon the idea and reinforced it.  You have to be flexible with three year olds, and go with things on a level they understand.

Unfortunately, Miss M subsequently bit my husband while playing with him.  It was unprovoked, and she wasn't angry.  They were horsing around, and she just reached over and bit him.  She said she meant to bite his shirt.  In any event, she got in VERY BIG trouble.  I was running errands at the time, but when I returned home, she had been in a long time out, and then he'd put her in jammies and put her to bed, and it wasn't even 7pm.  She was already asleep when I returned, though, so she clearly needed the sleep.  I think she's been getting overtired from daycare, too--too much activity, and the mornings are early.  That certainly didn't cause the situation, but it hasn't helped.

Mostly, I have just tried to focus on her and be there for her and be patient with her and love her as much as I can.  Slowly, it seems to be working.  Her attitude is better and everything is easier, and there have been no more biting incidents.  Fingers crossed.  We just have to get through the next few weeks, and then T will be home again.  At that point, we can decide to have her home again with him.

T. really wants to have both kids at home.  With her enrolled in "real" (ie, a better) preschool next fall, he sees this spring and summer as his last chance to spend time with her.  He loves it here, and wants to be able to take her out in the city and do things with her while she is at an age to enjoy them, and while they both have the time.  I'm reluctant to take her out of the daycare, though.  The structure is good for her, the routine.  We'll have four more months here, and once we take her out, we will lose the spot and won't be able to put her back in.  I hate to upset the apple cart.  But we've got a bit more time to decide.

In other news, we explored the option of buying the little cabin.  It turned out that zoning regulations prohibit putting in a septic.  There is, however, a "shared" outhouse.  I didn't even ask who would be "sharing" the outhouse.  With that little phrase, the dream evaporated.  At least, that particular dream.  We've been talking about other options, other possibilities.  It was a good jumping off point for us, so the impossible, nonsensical cabin remains a happy little inspiration.

Oh, and we've been potty training.  Or, not.  Miss M is utterly disinterested.  I thought being in class with potty trained kids would stimulate her interest, but no.  Despite her lack of active cooperation, we put her in underwear on the weekends, and every time we do so, she pees her pants while standing right next to the potty 2 minutes after she got off it, etcetera.  At first, I thought she just wasn't able to connect the feeling of needing to go with needing to sit down, because she doesn't feel herself pee in diapers.  But I think it's more than that, and I'm at a loss for how to handle it.  Her pediatrician said to just let it go and wait until she is interested and ready.  He assured me that it was not physiological.  But she is intelligent and highly verbal, and I am baffled as to why she isn't more interested.   Shouldn't she be potty trained already?  All of her friends who are this age have at least peed or pooped on the potty at SOME point.  She has not.  Never, ever.  She isn't so keen on wearing underwear, either, as she doesn't like to have accidents.  In fact, she screams every time it happens.  It's such a distinct "I peed on the floor" scream that I can identify the problem just by hearing her pitch.  I can't decide if we should carry on with trying on the weekends, or simply let it go.

Toddlerhood is not for the faint of heart.


Anonymous said...

Could you maybe keep child in day care for part of the week? We pay for a full time spot, and then keep him out one or two days every week. It is a thought, and you may be able to keep your spot while giving your husband the time he wants. Our child does fine with special days one or two days a week.

I would hold off on potty training until she is ready. Our child just turned three, and he is finally potty trained. Sometimes they need an appropriate reward. In our case, it was to be reunited with his day care buddy. Nothing material worked for us. In order to be with his friend, he had to wear underwear all day, every day. Once he figured that out, he switched to underwear and never looked back.

Good luck with both!

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I wondered what was happening with the cabin. Yeah, shared outhouse would be a dealbreaker for me, but what a cool idea of getting a tiny cabin somewhere (one with indoor plumbing).