Getting Through

First, thank you all for your kind thoughts. It really helps.

Second, where am I? I don't know yet. We are waiting until old test results can be compared with new test results. If they are the same, then we are good. If they are different, we are headed for more tests. . .

I am mostly hanging in there. I've had a rough go of it professionally of late. Old shit that has come to pass. . .I've made my peace with it, but it's still no fun to relive long past issues. Yet, it's also nice to have the distraction.

It seems like everything of late is in exactly the wrong place. Everything is out of sorts. But yet, I am still hopeful. I find myself calculating just how pregnant I will be on our anniversary in May, and how that will play into the anniversary plans that I will arrange. . .how pregnant I will be for Christmas next year. . .how long I must stay at my current job, if I want to take advantage of the very generous maternity leave.

I am optimistic that this will all be nothing, and that I will be a neurotic freak for fearing otherwise. I hope I am not wrong. I cannot bear the alternative.