Monday, January 12, 2009

I Know You'll Get This

My brother called me yesterday to deliver the news. We have a young family member, just out of high school, who is pregnant. She's not married, she doesn't have a job, her boyfriend doesn't have a job, and in fact she's been living with an elderly family member who barely scrapes by on an anemic pension. But of course, she plans on keeping the baby.

This bugs me. It bugs me for a lot of reasons. She is kind of a mess, and has had a messed up family life. She is estranged from her parents. She has no idea who she is, or what she wants out of life. She is very troubled. This boyfriend is her first, and it's the first time in her life she's had anyone who cares about her (her parents are awful, awful people who treated her terribly during her childhood). I have a feeling she wants the baby because it's something that will love her back. But she is so weak and fragile and damaged, I cannot even fathom how she will handle the responsibilities of parenthood. I cannot imagine what lies ahead for this child and her child-to-be.

Another family member told me that it's still early in her pregnancy, and she secretly hopes that this young girl will have a miscarriage. She whispered that she thinks would be for the best. And me? My first thought was that she should let us raise the baby. We are far better equipped to raise a child, in every respect. Well, perhaps that is judgemental of me, and perhaps she will rise to the occasion. But she's barely more than half my age, and does not appear to have yet faced the many demons from her childhood. I just cannot imagine what lies ahead for her, for them. My heart breaks for her, and at the same time, for myself and every other woman out there who has struggled and who has room in her head, heart and home for a child, but no child to fill that space. The universe seems so badly out of sync sometimes.


~Jess said...

I completely get it. Every time that I've heard about someone (who is still a child themselves) being pregnant, I think that we could adopt the baby.

It's certainly not easy to see these situations where there is so much hurt and not be able to do anything.

JamieD said...

I struggle with this almost daily. It seems like there is a similar situation everywhere I turn - family, work. I passed a girl in the airport pushing a sleeping baby in a stroller while being very pregnant. She couldn't have been more than 19 or 20 and that is being very generous.

I'm getting so judgemental in my old, infertile age.

Darla said...

The deja vu in this situation is so frightening! Mr. D has two second cousin tweens and siblings no less, going through the same situation. She has grandparents and parents but neither are any situation to even attempt to help and yet those of us with empty hands and huge hearts .... I feel you 120%

Ann said...

As do others, I completely get it. *hugs*