In fits and starts, we've begun talking about adoption. I'm approaching 37; he's over 40. We both, I think, are starting to worry that we will get even further down the path that we think leads to biological children, and discover that there is nothing there. We're both worried about losing more time on a journey that leads to no one. We are both starting to think that we need a Plan B. Given how long adoption takes, we've both realized that it may make sense for us to pursue both options at once. Without much angst, we've both realized that we're completely comfortable with adopting, and that one way or another, we're going to have a family. I like the way that sounds: We're going to have a family.
Still, it's hard to talk about. It's hard to acknowledge that what we've planned might not work out. It's hard to find space to talk about the other path, the alternate universe of adoption. I don't know why it's so hard for both of us, because we talk about absoultely everything. There's something that is really weird about it, though--almost like we're jinxing ourselves by even considering making alternate plans. I just have to keep in mind, though, that we're going to have a family, one way or the other, and I have to have faith that this thought will lead us to the place we're meant to be.