Saturday, January 10, 2009

Hoping for the Best, Planning for the Worst

In fits and starts, we've begun talking about adoption. I'm approaching 37; he's over 40. We both, I think, are starting to worry that we will get even further down the path that we think leads to biological children, and discover that there is nothing there. We're both worried about losing more time on a journey that leads to no one. We are both starting to think that we need a Plan B. Given how long adoption takes, we've both realized that it may make sense for us to pursue both options at once. Without much angst, we've both realized that we're completely comfortable with adopting, and that one way or another, we're going to have a family. I like the way that sounds: We're going to have a family.

Still, it's hard to talk about. It's hard to acknowledge that what we've planned might not work out. It's hard to find space to talk about the other path, the alternate universe of adoption. I don't know why it's so hard for both of us, because we talk about absoultely everything. There's something that is really weird about it, though--almost like we're jinxing ourselves by even considering making alternate plans. I just have to keep in mind, though, that we're going to have a family, one way or the other, and I have to have faith that this thought will lead us to the place we're meant to be.

3 comments:

Manda said...

You're absolutely right. You WILL have a family... And I can tell you with absolute certainty now that no matter where your child comes from, s/he will fill up your life completely from the second you meet them.

Rebeccah said...

We worked on both options at once too. I found it hard to be whole-heartedly committed to adoption when I was still doing IVF, but in the end when all the procedures didn't work for us -- and particularly after I lost my only pregnancy -- we were so so glad that we had already completed most of the initial adoption paperwork, because it meant we could move forward to Plan B quickly. At that point, I wanted a family so badly that speed was essential. Adding another year to complete the paperwork would have been torture.

I'm so thankful we gave adoption a chance. Manda is right -- this new child of ours makes all the difference, and it doesn't matter a bit how he came to us. He's here, and that's all that matters.

Darla said...

Please keep us updated! I daily struggle with this as well. At the moment for the first time I find myself completely at a loss at being able to emotionally handle both situations: the adoption process and meds. I feel the same way, however, and know that regardless of a pregnancy or not we WILL be adopting. I feel so strongly about that ... just not today ...