As I mentioned yesterday, I am currently ridiculously skinny. Part of it is my job. I call it the "caffeine and stress diet," although I've REALLY been making an effort since starting TTC to limit the caffeine and to eat well. Part of it is that I've been sick in recent months, and eating made me feel exponentially worse, so I wasn't eating particularly well. The other part of it is that I am that girl that lots of women hate, with the crazy fast metabolism. (If it's any consolation, I read once that people with faster metabolisms are inherently harder on their organs and die earlier.) Anyway, I am always thin, but I am now too thin, and none of my work clothes fit. Work clothes are expensive, so I haven't wanted to buy any new ones, because I figured that I would gain the weight back soon, and it wouldn't be a problem. But with the Big Project coming up, I realized recently that that isn't likely to happen. When I'm in the midst of big projects at work, I tend to lose weight, not gain. My goal this time is to simply maintain. This, however, left me in a quandry about work clothes. I've been wearing the same things over and over again, because they are the only clothes that even remotely fit. I have one pair of pants that I sometimes wear cinched in with a belt, but I have to wear them with a jacket over them and buttoned, because they look so ridiculous that way. Not to mention the fact that they still hang off me. It looks like I am wearing someone else's clothing, and it's not very professional at all. It's certainly not the image I want to portray during the Big Project.
So I've been shopping. And shopping. And shopping. And all that has resulted is that I've started to cry three times at the MALL over CLOTHING. I went into one store yesterday and tried on a pair of shorts (which aren't work clothes, I realize, but none of my regular clothes fit, either). It was a mainstream retailer that sells activewear, for Pete's sake, for people who presumably spend all of their time hiking and biking and are therefore presumably fit and slim. I had great hopes that they, at least, would have something for me. Even better, I found really cool shorts on sale for $7! Excited, I tried on the smallest size they carried. . .and they were absolutely enormous. They would've been giant on me even if I was 20 pounds heavier. When I walked out of the dressing room, the sales clerk asked how I made out, and I told her they were huge. She looked me up and down, and pronounced that they wouldn't have anything in the store that would fit me. I immediately walked out, in tears.
I made so much fun of Ann Taylor and Banana Republic a few years ago, when they announced they were starting "sub-zero" sizes. I thought, oh great, something for anorexics to aspire to. But now I am grateful, because they are pretty much the only places I can shop. I am also grateful for the advent of the outlet mall, which brings us to part of today's Show & Tell:
4 Shirts. . .$90
4 Pairs of Pants. . .$95
1 Jacket. . .$85
2 Skirts. . .$50
Having clothes that more or less fit, without spending a huge fortune. . .you know the drill.
But that wasn't the biggest part of my day. One of my friends from college has a baby girl who is about to turn 1. We started TTC when she was still pregnant, so this birthday is a little hard for me. I know there are a lot of people who have been on much longer journeys, but with 35 in the rearview mirror, this milestone is a tough one for me. I've been thinking about this baby girl's birthday for a while now, because I love shopping for presents for kids, but I knew it would be tough this time. Since I was in such a foul mood anyway yesterday, I thought I might as well make myself completely miserable. Plus, I was at the outlets, so it seems like a good time to score some stuff. I know a pink silk party dress isn't the most practical present for a 1 year old (I got some other stuff, too), but for $7, I just couldn't leave it in the store:
How cute is that? How much did it kill me to shop for it? Pretty much in equal measures.