There is a NY Times article that features Pamela from Coming to Terms . The comments in response to the article are just unbelievable to me still. Warning: I'm posting a horrid one here.
do infertility patients really rate the same sympathy as those suffering debilitating, painful or lethal diseases? That’s essentially the claim - we’re suffering just as much as they are. I don’t think so. You’re not even suffering as much as someone who lost a limb, since you haven’t lost something you had and which was intrinsic to you, you’ve lost merely the opportunity to perpetuate your genes (a biological instinct which rationality ought to be able to overcome) and the ability to have the next in the series of lifestyle choices (parenthood).
As a mother who chose to have a child at the ripe old age of 30, and who discovered the harsh reality - what a drag it is, they should count themselves lucky! I wish I’d had a decade of whining about not having kids instead of spending a decade as a slave to my twins, the first 3 years covered in food and bodily fluids, the next 3 chasing them away from danger and trying to “do” all the stuff you’re supposed to do. I love them as people and honestly do my best by them but honestly if I could go back no way in the world would I have had them!
My answer to those who think infertility is a “struggle” is try parenting a foster child for a year, preferably an infant. THAT is a struggle. You don’t know the meaning of the word.
Count yourselves lucky. Kids wreck your house, your relationships, your figure, your skin, your social life, your clothes and that’s just the beginning.
I think the people who are left out in all this sympathy are the parents who don’t enjoy being parents. We’re the outcasts no one speaks of. We’re the ones who get the dirty looks if we say “oh god not another turn on the swing pleeeease God no” or make the earth shattering statements that newborns are godawful boring all day.
Any infertile woman who cares to can take my twins for just 1 day and find out how easy her life is and go back to a lovely clean, neat, organized and spontaneous existence.
Now go give Pamela some love for bravely exposing herself to this drivel.