Old Friends

I'm a little sketched out by online sites like MyS.pace and Fa.ce.book. I like being anonymous. I'm creeped out by the shady people who troll the sites looking to do harm to others. On the other hand, it seemed like a good way to reconnect with people I've lost touch with, which would be both fun, and helpful, since I'm looking for a job. I managed to find a happy medium on Fa.ce.book, and finally joined recently (I turned off a lot of the features, and kept publicly available personal details to a minimum). Within a half hour of registering, I had not only located my college roommate, but sent her a message AND heard back from her! The next day, I heard from a close friend from high school that I'd lost touch with. And so on.

It was really, really great to catch up. Now, before I get to this next part, I should mention that I've been doing really well with where we are at in this process of family building. I can see little kids and buy baby clothes with the best of them. I had a little setback at Christmas, when in the middle of a shopping spree for the baby I was assigned to buy presents for through a local charity, I realized that if we hadn't had the miscarriage, we would be buying Christmas presents for a baby that was the EXACT SAME AGE, but OUR BABY. But I moved on.

So, it was a surprrise to me how much it stung to see all of the pictures of my old friends with their little kids. The kicker was when one of my closest friends from freshman year of college started talking about her baby, who was. . .yes, the exact same age as our baby would be, but for the miscarriage, and how much she is enjoying motherhood. It just makes me feel so SAD. It's like there is an exclusive club out there, and everyone is a member but me.