Friday, August 8, 2008

Lost in Space

I am now fairly sure I O'd this month, despite the traitorous monitor's protestations to the contrary. I've had 8 days of high temp's in the range where my post-O temps usually are, and during my exam on Wednesday, there was a ton of pain when Dr. HooHoo pushed on my right side, which she said was likely because I O'd on that side. Because of those four days I was away where I didn't temp, I am somewhere between 8 and 12dpo today. I'm such a control freak, it's driving me crazy to not know when I O'd. I have no idea when AF will show, although I'm quite sure that it will. I am breaking out like crazy, including in places where I never break out, and my boobs hurt. Don't tell me you think there's a chance, because there just isn't. I never have any CM, and we only had sex the day before I left, which would have been the day before I O'd, at the earliest, and like five days before I O'd, at the latest. So, there is just no way it's going to work this cycle. Plus, given my doctor's thoughts on my estrogen levels, it doesn't seem likely, anyway. (Dr. Google says that when estrogen is low, "the lining of the uterus is scant and not hospitable to a pregnancy.")

Despite my likely inhospitable ute, of course I've already tested. Patience isn't one of my strong points. Plus, I have a million of those cheap little test dipstick thingys. Nada there.

Okay, I admit it, it's completely insane, but I'm still hopeful. It's completely and utterly irrational, and contrary to everything I have learned about my body up to this point, but there it is. Somewhere in my brain, there is still a little piece of me that says "maybe." This whole process is such a mindfuck.


Manda said...

IF you O'd on the earliest day, then there IS a chance that T's swimmers made it in there in time to be waiting for the egg. Interesting thought. And don't trust Dr. Google! He preaches madness!!!

You're totally right about the mindfuck though. Totally.

JamieD said...

I do the same thing . . .

I will have a cycle where there is not a CHANCE of a sperm uniting with an eggie. At the time I will think, "At least I won't drive myself crazy during the 2WW." And guess what I do? I drive myself CRAZY.

I also second that Dr. Google preaches madness, though!!

Gin said...

From my mindfuq'd girl to another: I feel ya!