Saturday, July 23, 2011

7 Weeks

I have utterly and completely dropped out of summer camp. I just feel so uninspired to post, even with Calliope's inspiring prompts. I am still in the waiting space, even with the happy results of the ultrasound.** I should feel more relief than I do, with such a positive ultrasound. After all, in the past, our problems always happened before we saw the heartbeat. With Miss M, we saw the heartbeat and--spotting aside--we never had another problem. But somehow, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know if it's my own experiences or my friend's recent late-term loss or the heartbreaking stories that many women have shared across the internet. The sum total of all of that seems to be that my heart simply can't let this feel real yet. I need to get the CVS behind me, and we are still four weeks away from that. It feels like an eternity, and I dread the test itself. I need good news from that, and the first trimester behind me, to feel any sense of relief.

But there is positive news, beyond the ultrasound. I've had no spotting. That is such a relief, after spotting throughout my pregnancy with Miss M. There are some pregnancy symptoms, albeit minor ones. I'm tired and ravenously hungry, and I get up a bajillion times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I swear, this child must be a boy. I was never hungry like this with Miss M, but I am constantly starving--and right after I eat! It's absurd. I wake up hungry all the time. Two days ago I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, then a bagel with cream cheese and an orange juice two hours later, then a GIANT sandwich for lunch (chicken and avocado on literally half a full size baguette), then a huge fruit salad two hours after that, then a giant dinner. It's so unlike me to get hungry at all. My pants are already getting tight, and it's no wonder!

So onward we go, holding on to the bits of good news while still bracing for the bad, and waiting for it all to pass. There are some things that are easier about doing all of this for a second child. You're more prepared for high seas, and you know that you'll weather any storms better. But time still creeps by very slowly.


**Welcome, ICLW-ers. My full history is accessible through the link on the sidebar, but the long and short of it is that after a bit of a rough time getting pregnant and a couple of miscarriages, we had a healthy baby girl in January 2010. We are a Clom.id success story (there's hope!). With the clock ticking (I turn 39 this summer), we started trying for a second child back in June, again with Clom.id. We somehow managed to get pregnant that very first cycle, and now I'm navigating my way through the first trimester.

13 comments:

writerhughes said...

Love reading about success stories! And glad to see clomid worked for someone :) Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and happy healthy baby! ICLW

~Jess said...

Glad you're doing well....I'm jealous of your appetite! I kept read "Half of a full size bagel" and thinking...that isn't that much. Finally I realized BAGUETTE!

Eb said...

IF does a number on us doesn't it. I was so totally cautious about hope and happiness until my late into my second trimester. Then I think the hormone shift helped.

I got a comment that helped - the women said, since hoping and happiness can seem so reckless and foolish let us do it for you while you find your place.

So, allow us all to be your happy readers.

Jo said...

Glad to hear that all is going well so far. I will be keeping you in my thoughts as this pregnancy progresses.

Much love,
Jo

JustHeather said...

Congrats on your pregnancy and yay for a good 7 week ultra sound. May you continue to have a happy and healthy pregnancy.
(ICLW)

Stacie said...

Best wishes on your pregnancy!

Here via ICLW.

Jamie said...

I'm so glad to hear everything is going so well! I do know what you mean about waiting for the other shoe to drop, though. But I hope this is it for you - just an easy, perfect pregnancy.

When I was reading your previous post, I caught myself letting out a long breath as I read about T letting out a long breath. I am just so happy for you both!

Carlita said...

I am not the right person to tell you not to worry but at least it's good to keep in mind that statistics are truly on your side once you see that heartbeat. My fingers are crossed for you.

Heather said...

Glad to see everything is going well. It's so tough in early pregnancy to feel that it is real. I specifically would not tell you any bad stories, because you should just think good thoughts for now. I do have three children from infertility treatments, so that's the good story I will say.

Lots and lots of health and happiness over the next many months to come.

My New Normal said...

Visiting from ICLW. So happy for your pregnancy and I wish you the best of luck!

Ordinary Girl said...

Thanks so much for the comment on my blog. I really appreciate the input. And congratulations on your pregnancy! I had a hard time not being worried throughout my pregnancy as well. My way of getting through was just to tell myself each morning that today I'm pregnant, and to enjoy that day. I hope you can find a way to enjoy each day too.

ICLW #20

embracingtherain said...

Hello from ICLW. Hope things continue to go well for you with this pregnancy.

Serendipity said...

Holy crap I have been avoiding my reader for longer than I thought. Congratulations, I am so pleased for you, I really am. You must be so thrilled (and terrified no doubt).