Saturday, May 3, 2008
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice
I've spent the last few hours working on my gift for my mother for mother's day. Truthfully, it has left me feeling empty and depressed. I'm taking a bunch of my mother's recipes and putting together a cookbook that's also filled with photographs of my brother and I over the years. I'm going to create a hardcover copy using Blurb . At first, it was really fun to dig through old photos. But as I waded back through my life, through a decade of smiling, carefree photographs of Terrific T and I, through a happy montage of my own childhood, I couldn't help but fixate on what is missing from my life. Isn't it funny, isn't it awful, how you get sideswiped by The Angst when you least expect it?
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6 comments:
I know what you mean. I had THE happiest childhood w/ my 5 sisters. All I want to do is give a child the same thing!!
Thanks for the beautiful comment on my blog!!
Yes - unforseen angst is the worst. Like in Hallmark last week when I was shopping for Mother's Day cards. One second I was wondering just how expensive a Mother's Day card could get and then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me that this should have been my first Mother's Day. It just blows.
I can definitely see how looking through old pics. might trigger sadness under the circumstances.
It was such a thoughtful thing to do for your mom though and I'm sure she's going to treasure it.
Cooking dinner is what gets to me, when I think about how I would much rather be cooking for 4, 5 or 6 that just the two of us.
Sometimes that emptiness feels like it comes out of nowhere. I used to Love Easter, but this year I could not handle the big Easter celebration. I just wanted to skip the entire holiday.
Mother's day is another one that hits me hard, too. I usually buy a lot of mother's day cards for various women in my family. But this year, I seem to have a block. It is like I do not want to even deal with it this year.
I hate getting sideswiped, especially when I'm trying to do something genuinely joy-inspired and caring.
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