This just in

I had a lovely visit with my new GI dr. today. No, really--if I had to be talking about squirting out blood and mucus with anyone but y'all, she was a good candidate. She actually listened to me (gasp!), took the time to asuage my considerable fears, and went over everything thoroughly with me. She is GI#5 on my 10 year tour of Digestive Alley, and the first to do any of the aforementioned.

But then there's the bad news: Colonoscopy next week. Ick. She told me and I burst into tears. Not about the fact I need the test (past history told me I was going directly there without stopping at Go or collecting $200), but rather because of my last experience. For the last one, I was medicated and left alone in a hallway at the hospital. Unlike my D&C, when they let my husband stay with me until the last second, for my first colonoscopy, they made my husband stay some waiting room even before I went in. So there I was, completely alone, no nurses anywhere in sight, when all of a sudden I felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I was unable to breathe. I was unable to get anyone's attention for the looooooongest time, and THEN when I finally did, they told me it was all my fault and I needed to RELAX because I was having a panic attack. Uh no, I'm having a panic attack because I can't breathe, you ass! They remedied the situation by then giving me so much medication that it knocked me out completely. When I finally woke up, they discharged me, but I was still so medicated that I was unable to even walk, so they pushed me out to the car in a wheelchair. I was vomiting in the hallway, because I was so sick from the medication. I can't imagine that you're supposed to discharge patients that are so sick they can't even walk. I'm not even sure why Terrific T agreed to take me out of there then, other than perhaps out of a fear that might do something even worse to me. I was so overmedicated that I literally went home and slept for like 18 hours. I remember sort of becoming aware at one point that the cat was laying on my head and it was uncomfortable, but being too medicated still to even make him move. Needless to say, this has scarred me.

The weird part today was that as soon as the doctor saw me start to tear up, she knew exactly what I was afraid of, and she told me what she was going to do to allay my fears. I so appreciate doctors who actually listen to and address their patients' fears. Maybe I'm not the only freak who is afraid of being medicated, and it happens all the time, but even if she THOUGHT I was a freak, she was nice to me.

As for diagnosis, she also said that I have in all likelihood one of two problems: Behind Door A, I still have the bacterial infection that was caused by the original antibiotic for the ear infection, and I'm not responding to the current treatment, which means I'll be put on a different antibiotic. Or behind Door B, my proctitis has recurred, and I'll be put on med's. The good news is that since there's no downside to putting me on the med's for the proctitis, she started me on it today, and gave me a lovely parting gift of free samples, as well.

The colonoscopy is scheduled for next Thursday, the day after my Dr. HooHoo appointment. She also said TTC is out until I'm healthy again, which was no surprise, either. She said my current problem would probably interfere with fertility, anyway. Since I'm on CD17 with no high on the monitor, I would tend to agree with that assessment.

I have to say, I feel a lot better just having a plan, and someone who will listen to me. Maybe by the time the Big Project is over, I will have both the girlyparts and the rest of the underworld in proper working order, and we can actually MAKE the baby in Borneo.