Tuesday, April 7, 2009

For Fuck's Sake

At the appointment, the np said that in addition to doing another beta tomorrow, she wants to test my FSH (although, that test won't be done for a few more weeks). Because in her words "if your ovarian reserve isn't good, then you'll know to make other plans. Like adoption." She actually fucking said that. I've had absolutely no testing done, not even my progesterone, because this fucking doctor's office keeps telling me that there's no reason to test at this point. And now, on the eve of my second miscarriage, they're ready to do one measly test, and tell me to hang it up? Are they fucking KIDDING me??? And, despite the fact that it's been a good five days since my first positive pregnancy test and I have a beta of a paltry 11.5, she said they "aren't ruling this one out yet."

I feel like they are in grammar school fertility and I've already graduated from Harvard. I love my dr. (The one on maternity leave), but I think I have to break up with her. It's like they only know how to care for 23 year olds with perfect ovaries. The scariest thing is that the office is connected to a highly regarded medical school, and several of the doc's--including mine--teach there. I shudder to think of the poor infert's of the future, who will be dealing with the dr's trained here.

And now that I've ranted here, I'm calm enough to drive the hour home from my dr's office.


S said...

Please forgive my presumption. I do not know your whole TTC story.

Are you working with a RE or an OB/GYN? I'm not sure where you live or what your payment situation is, but I think some testing at a minimum is in order before anyone should even hint about giving up!

I am older than you (38) and haven't even been able to get pregnant, yet my RE is working with me to try to reach that goal. It's definitely not time to give up yet!

Bluebird said...

Oh my gosh, honey! I am so sorry she said that to you! Absolutely inexcusable. I think a breakup is definitely warranted. Even if they're fabulous, you don't need to be hearing crap like that.

Shannon said...

Thats ridiculous, I mean is normal to do an FSH test at the RE on CD3 to check your reserve, but to actually say something like make other plans like adoption, thats just ridiculous!

I hope you can find a better office to belong to. I had a negative beta today too...so we can wallow in this together!

Shannon said...

It has only got to get better from here!

My Reality said...


Thinking of you.

JamieD said...

Are you freaking kidding me?!?! I am absolutely horrified by that comment. It is really inexcusable coming from a healthcare professional.

I am all for getting the bloodwork done, but if her answer to a high FSH is adoption then there is no reason in continuing a relationship with that clinic. Do you need an OB's referral to a RE or can you call on your own?

I am so sorry. I know hope can be a real bitch but I was really holding out for you.

Thinking of you . . .

Rebeccah said...

Absolutely unacceptable comment! Leave them, pronto. I wish I'd left my first doc sooner (we wasted valuable months with someone who, at my first TTC appointment, said I'd need donor eggs).

I'm so sorry you're going through this : (